Last week 17 friends joined me to watch Oprah’s life class discussing what many busy women juggling career, home and family are very familiar with: GUILT!!! It was a cozy, fun, connecting time, and I felt tremendously blessed to share the ‘Oprah ahas’ with such wonderful gal pals so they could experience their own : )
Here’s the thing, I don’t really suffer from guilt, so I asked myself, why? What am I doing differently? It’s not that I don’t feel torn working late while my children yell down to say goodnight, but as I try to finish that one last thing, rush upstairs to find them fast asleep, what I feel underneath my disappointment is a genuine sadness I missed the moment. I just don’t beat myself up.
I accept some days won’t work out the way I want, and next time that ‘growing pain‘ will push me towards making those every day moments happen.
I’ve trained my thoughts to deal with disappointment, and any hurt loved ones feel where I don’t allow my self-judging voice to creep in and sabotage my efforts.
Our lives are filled with struggle – challenges, opportunities, and heartaches creating ups and downs. Along the journey I give myself the opportunity to learn, grow, expand where I’m constantly creating mostly ups by intentionally living my values to the best of my ability. That’s all I can do. Let go, and choose how I respond to life.
Sure I make mistakes, but I don’t hold regret because I’ve learned to take responsibility for the choices I make without my ego coming in to torment me with ‘you should have…’ accompanied by blame, and punishment. I discovered how to love myself unconditionally – give to myself so I can give back to others. I stopped making myself wrong.
Elizabeth Gilbert shares this idea in her wise, and funny talk on self-forgiveness.
I believe we all deserve to be loved, and it starts with self-love. Not selfishness but kindness. Not sacrificing, but giving. Not pleasing others, but choosing to be authentic.Not intentionally disappointing others, but trusting your inner voice even if someone feels hurt. Make amends, apologize if necessary, and let go.
There’s a destructive story we can believe that guilt is somehow ‘good’ for us. It keeps us in check to do the ‘right thing’. Not true. This thinking gives our ego permission to use guilt to condemn, punish, and abandon ourselves, keeping us stuck in shame, disappointment and regret. Let go of your ego’s judgment of making you wrong, listening instead to the compassionate voice within you, and you will find the strength to forgive yourself.
The pain of any mistake you later regret WAS the punishment that is now in the PAST so stop punishing yourself NOW. Take this opportunity to see the gift, learn the lesson, get more clarity on your values, and move on with more courage, strength, and determination to become the person you already are.
Oakville & GTA friends – please join me for my new coaching series on Living Guilt-Free, Finding Forgiveness, and Speaking Your Truth. See here for details.
P.S. My first National tv appearance on Oprah’s new “Life Story Project” airs in Canada on Wednesday February 6th at 9:30 pm EST where I share my personal story of “loyalty and betrayal” that led to my message of living ‘judgment-free’.
