The Little Trap of Punishment and Reward
Have you ever thought that “the best can only be bought at the cost of great pain”?
How about “no pain, no gain”?
I am someone who already avoids pain being an Enneagram #7 (Enthusiast/Epicure), so I admit I’m biased with what I’m about to tell you.
My soul growth is about leaning into pain, but there can be a trap here.
In my life before soul awareness, I used to blindly accept some pain as “normal”.
Not all pain is the same!
Like the pain I’d feel going to tax class I’d dread (as opposed to psychology class I loved).
The pain of struggling through writing 4 hour accounting exams, and auditing clients’ financial records.
Pain from not being aligned within.
Then came the painful exhaustion of trying to take care of my home, the finances, and being a mom to 3 little beings under age 3 without any awareness of “self-care”.
Pain from being physically and emotionally tired.
I kept needing to get it all done, and ploughed through somehow.
I believed in reward and punishment back then.
Work hard for a reward. The degree, position, money.
Mess up and get punished.
Isn’t that why we had rules, and how life worked?
NOPE.
Even for pain, there is no one size fits all.
This morning I was back on our Peleton after missing a few weeks allowing my body to heal.
I’m the last person you’d see sweating it out on a spin bike, but these days…I’m there!
My favourite trainer is Emma Lovewell (guessing not her real last name) .. joining her ride is like attending a mind-body-soul inspiring class.
Her energy pushes me through the pain I need to lean into for a healthier body.
I LOVE that she has a deep connection to music (as former DJ) as music is a soul spark that keeps me engaged.
She had me visualizing healing my re-curring cyst that I’ve nearly dissolved using overnight bentonite clay with coconut oil masks along with a pile of other lymphatic system catalysts (skipping rope, dry brushing and hot/cold shower).
After enduring 2 surgical removals and antibiotics only for this cyst to emerge a 3rd time – here’s what I believe:
1) There are natural ways we can heal our body with ingredients from Mother Earth and better eating.
2) The power of our mind in touch with our soul can heal including visualization, but mostly by keeping our energy away from the resistance of constant “fight/flight” that creates tension and is the essence of reward and punishment.
There’s a reactive quality to reward and punishment thinking that moves us towards control instead of letting go and trusting.
I keep reminding myself: the power that created our body can heal our body.
When we tap into our highest light energy away from reward and punishment, a whole new approach to life opens up.
Emma often says “this isn’t punishment” when she pushes me through a hard climb “its fitness”. It’s the kind of pain I’m being called to embrace knowing it will improve my health.
She focuses on “showing up for yourself”, and “by stretching your limits you are growing”. Her attention is on being kind, and compassionate with yourself without taking yourself so seriously.
I could put my attention on the numerical stats that pop up on the screen, measuring how I last performed, comparing myself to others on the leader board, and checking things off a list.
It’s what I used to do to get results.
Today I’ve learned to BE to get the experiences I most desire.
Show up for what matters.
I focus on “does this FEEL aligned to ME”?
There’s a different energy here and its more powerful than reward and punishment.
It happens when you begin living your own uncomfortable truth.
Too often we are more comfortable with everyone else’s truth.
Here’s the Trap of Punishment and Reward
Punishment breeds fear. Fear can get results. It also creates stress that harms your body.
Reward is also a trap because it breeds a different kind of fear.
You can get attached to needing rewards (money, position, recognition). Sure, it can also bring results, but at the cost of becoming controlling.
What if you could enjoy what you want and keep expanding into more of what you want?
Here’s a couple questions to ask yourself:
How can you trust more what’s true for you?
Are you willing to step into the kind of pain that helps you discover the real you, own your own truth, and follow your heart?
From a place of trust within, your sense of fulfilment and love can only grow.
BE what you want and everything you desire will unfold.
Your results will be delightfully better than you expected.
BE the love.
Be the connection.
Be the difference.
Be the ease.
Watch as you become the flow in your own life.
Let go of the little trap of punishment and reward, and the kind of pain you need to let go of will surface.
The kind of “growing pain” your truth, your beauty and your goodness needs to grow will also emerge for you to embrace.
What pain do you need to embrace today?
