The painful feelings of guilt show up when we are not living the values we want for ourselves or believe we should be following based on other people’s expectations, and beliefs.
Guilt comes from our ego – the self-judgment we have towards our self not being good enough in some form. We’ve set a standard, or hold a belief we interpret as failure to follow or measure up. It is our judgmental voice saying “you should have…”
As Tony Robbins says: STOP “shoulding all over yourself”!!
Notice when you hear yourself use the word should that leads to feelings of anger, shame, disgust, self-hatred, loathing. It’s emotionally self-destructive, and energy draining.
There is an illusion that guilt is ‘good’ for you. It keeps you ‘on track’, doing the ‘right’ things. Masochism justified.
Step 1: Take a curious look at the thoughts you are choosing to think, and question where did this ‘right’ thought, belief, value come from? Is it serving your well-being?
Simple example. You join a gym, pay for the annual membership, and don’t go consistently to make any significant improvement in your overall health. You feel guilty for wasting your hard earned money that has not produced the value you intended.
Step 2: Believe that in every given moment you are being your best because that’s all you can ever be.
Even though you’ve spent the money, not gone to the gym – that choice was your best in that moment. It may not have resulted in what you wanted. Take ownership over whatever choice you made including admitting if you’ve made a mistake without getting into “could have, should have, would have if only”. This thinking is of zero value NOW.
Your power is in the present moment. What matters instead of making yourself wrong is WHY did I not make what I want to value (physical health) a priority? What NOW? Will you end the membership, get moving, or continue to not honour your desire for physical vitality? CHOICES are always available to you to shift into alignment with what you value.
The easiest and most obvious reason is inconvenience. It disrupts your existing routine, and change feels uncomfortable. Not going to the gym is easier than going.
Is there a way to make honouring your value of physical health easier? Self discipline is hard to sustain in the long run without building the foundation of values you are truly aligned with.
Step 3: Intentionally connect to your VALUES. We forget our WHY, and try to do the action first.
How did you imagine you’d FEEL if you got physically energized? How does it FEEL when your clothes fit better? Sleeping better, eating healthier? Wake up more energized.? Not tire out as easily in your day, and stay mentally focused longer? Not lose your patience as easily because you now feel energized physically? Why even bother?
Step 4: What is YOUR WHY?
Write it down, say it out loud, think about it when you initially drag yourself to the gym on your committed schedule..you mustBE committed by a connection to your value before you can DOor it will be extremely hard to create change.
Every morning set the intention: “I am going to work out no matter what. I want to honour my value of physical health today. This is what I will do.” It pulls you toward what you want instead of you having to work so hard. Get an accountability partner – most of us find it easier to let ourselves down than someone else.
Step 4: Create small, committed steps that are so EASY it’s hard not to do.
We have a tendency to set up too big of a commitment thinking it’s ‘not good enough’ to just go once a week to the gym. They commit to 3 times/week, and when they do not follow through, they give up entirely. The all or nothing syndrome. Going from nothing to 3 times a week may be too much. Start for whatever is EASY for you. Up the ante when you’ve been honouring your easy commitment consistently.
Guilty feelings applies to any value you are stepping on. Make sure the value is yours, and doesn’t belong to someone else. Is it your parent’s values or beliefs? Society’s norms? Religious laws?
Sometimes letting go of guilt will require that you change your value because it is not in alignment with who you are, or what you believe.
There is no right or wrong – there is only being true to who you really are: LOVE. When you stop making yourself wrong (let go of self-judgment) you are learning to love yourself enough to allow for mistakes, and will soon be on the road to being guilt-free. You will also end up experiencing morelove.
(Note to Readers: I’ve begun writing for guest posts recently- please check them out, and share if they made a difference in your life!)
Living Conscious Relationships on Lightworker’s World
The Foundation of Love on Tiny Buddha
Please leave your comments, and feedback!!
