Have you ever wondered what it takes to have our children’s spiritual health in its best form?
My children are my greatest priority. I know I’m not alone here. What I didn’t know was the importance of our children’s spiritual health. Being able to hear their inner voice directly affects their well-being, and happiness.
We all have a universal need to feel seen and heard for who we are.
I’d often hear “you’ll have more time when they’re older”. My twin girls graduate from high school next month, and it is still where I spend the majority of my time and energy – directly or indirectly.
My children’s spiritual health and their emotional/mental well-being has been my #1 responsibility. I’ve taken it seriously because one day when it was time to let go, I wanted them to fly without me knowing I’m always here if they need me.
We are extremely close not because of the actual time we spent together, but the time it’s taken to learn how to be present with them for who they are, not who I expect them to be.
It’s been thousands of conversations.
It has been filled with far more joy, connection & laughter than sadness & tears.
It has disappeared much too quickly as I was warned it would.
At a recent talk on mental health and well being, one of the speakers shared:
“20% of Canadians at some point in their life will have a mental health problem, and shockingly 70% of them developed this issue in childhood and adolescence. If we could reach these children earlier, think how much suffering we could prevent”.
~Dr. Janet Patterson, MD
In caring for my children all these years, I discovered the importance of taking care of my soul – my own spiritual health.
Was I present enough for the moments that have come and gone at all their different ages?
Did I give them the foundation of what they need to create a life of their dreams?
The stress and anxiety our children feel these days have hit levels beyond what’s comprehensible. It seems to be coming in from all directions regardless of education, financial status or cultural background.
So much we all want to accomplish in a highly competitive world in such little time. I try to remember to focus on who I want to be, and less on what I want to do.
The increasing teen suicide rates continue to floor me.
It shows up casually in conversations: “2 students in my program took their life” a friend of my son shared the other day. I was asking how she was found her first year in engineering – was it tough to handle the stress?
I grew up with parents who didn’t stress out. They are remarkably 2 of the calmest people I know. I think it’s one of their greatest secrets to all they accomplish.
They gave me the foundation, and faith that “everything would be OK”. There was also a clear cultural voice of what was expected.
But it’s your soul that is the compass for what’s most valuable to you. It highlights what’s meaningful, and purposeful – it starts with a passion, and ends up feeling like a calling pushing you forward.
It requires a pause. Taking time to listen so you can hear yourself, and each other.
I had to learn how to listen from my children’s perspective without criticism or judgment. It’s not easy, and an ongoing practice!
Until I could hear what was really going on inside of them, I couldn’t see how to adjust my words, tone, and guidance to meet them where they are so they could hear me.
Most of us aren’t talking on the same page with our children – what we say is not what they hear and what they say we cannot hear.
Here’s 18 Practices I used to help hear their true voice and work on my children’s spiritual health:
- Give them the space to be themselves. If they didn’t want to talk, or having a melt down – leave the space, but come back to resolve it.
- Be approachable, and available when they need me.
- Parent each child differently for each soul is different. One approach didn’t work for all. Some need more attention, and reminding than others.
- Trust that in every moment they are doing their best, and that I am too, no matter what $&@ is hitting the fan – it isn’t being done intentionally.
- Use guidelines that include the WHY so they know the values being crossed. Why I cared about anything was known.
- Avoid punishment, which only creates fear not self-discipline. They were never grounded and nothing was taken away to ‘teach them a lesson’, but they still learned them.
- Learn how to listen from their perspective by being curious, and noticing also what’s not being said.
- Say yes as much as possible, and no when necessary.
- Teach them that they responsible for their words, and actions – that their thoughts become things.
- Remind them often of the golden rule: imagine how you’d feel if…”
- Ask instead of tell; stay away from lecturing. They eventually tune you out if you yell, or keep telling them what to do.
- Engage instead of demand.
- Show up with kindness, and mutual respect not a ‘toughen up” approach.
- Be authentic, and vulnerable so they feel safe opening up. Slowly share what’s going on in your world as age appropriate to role model how you want them to be.
- Avoid complaining, and no blaming.
- Be someone they can trust so they can learn to trust themselves.
- Stand up, and speak your truth kindly, but firmly even if it means someone gets offended or takes it personally.
- Apologize if you mess up.
My girls turn 18 this year (my son is 19) – it’s taken years to practice all these well, but I can hear their voices clearly now.
Wisdom along the Way..
I remember sitting on the edge of my daughter Leah’s bed as she practiced her lines for the role of Glinda in her grade 8 production of the Wizard of Oz. “What do these words mean”? she’d ask.
I really wanted her to understand this idea that we are a soul that carries a power within to co-create the life we want. I had to find a different way to say what the red shoes represented, and she heard whatever made sense to her at that time.
Their mental and emotional well being depends on this hidden piece. Resilience comes from a strength that’s hard to define, but it’s proven through the healthy, lasting, and gorgeous relationships you build with others.
It’s there to catch us when we fall, deal with our pain, and helps us keep going. There’s a trust that keeps giving, and the Universe keeps responding positively in the little spaces that make up the moments of our lives with others.
It’s our connection to our soul – a divinity that is the guiding force where our true answers lie to navigate what can feel like a very crazy world.
Working on the children’s health and teaching them how to trust themselves, to listen to their intuition while I was also trying to do the same has been our journey together.
I’ve been planting a lot of ‘spiritual seeds’, and they have flourished in ways that tell me “it’s all going to be more than OK”.
Helping other teens and adults care for their soul, and raise the level of their spiritual health is a calling for me that’s getting louder and louder.
It brings an unmistakable quality of love and connection you feel in your relationships when you can hear someone’s soul voice, and they can hear yours.
