People come into, and out of our lives fostering all kinds of different connections and trying to build healthy boundaries. The closer we get, the more risk you\u2019ll bump up against someone\u2019s toxic parts, and they will bump up against yours.<\/p>\n
Eventually, even with close friends or family members you will bump into those places where someone gets defensive, takes you personally, and now you\u2019re walking on eggshells confused about how to proceed.<\/p>\n
Do you find yourself needing to show up differently in an attempt to maintain a peaceful encounter?<\/p>\n
When things start feeling toxic, stressful, or draining with the people in our lives where you just can’t be yourself \u2013 chances are you need to create a healthier boundary.<\/p>\n
I began looking at my relationships in terms of orbits circling close or far from me. Friends and family members would fall into different orbits that can sometimes shift.<\/p>\n
Learning how to maintain a healthy distance has taken years of practice where my goal has been to create that judgment-free space where I could be my most authentic self, and that person could be too. No matter how different we happened to be.<\/p>\n
Wasn’t always easy!<\/p>\n
Relationships take work, but as long as my connections grew in positive ways, I was willing to take the “good with the bad” (we all have our stuff), and all was well.<\/p>\n
Until it wasn\u2019t well.<\/p>\n
Sometimes me showing up more fully would send someone spinning out of control. Unless I could find that safe space again, it was time to step back, re-assess this connection, and decide whether to move their orbit further out or leave altogether.<\/p>\n
Our truth can set us free, but only with certain people.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s always a chance you run into someone\u2019s wall (their ego) when you realize you\u2019ve said more than someone is able to receive.\u00a0 If there\u2019s deflection, controlling behavior, defensiveness, attack, silence or condemnation \u2013 it can become toxic to you.<\/p>\n
Pay attention if what you share isn\u2019t landing – maybe there’s an unexpected silence, a lecture, or simply a lack of resonance for what resonates for you. Curiosity seems to be missing. Meaningful relationships require that you are fascinated on some level with someone.<\/p>\n
None of us is perfect, but we can all recognize when our thoughts start remaining more in our head rather than spoken out loud.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re quietly asking yourself: \u201cIs she going to overreact if I tell her what I really think? Will he disappear if I say too much?\u201d because you’ve begun noticing a pattern of how this person responds – this orbit needs to be re-evaluated.<\/p>\n
These words often remind me of how far away we can be on someone else\u2019s page:<\/p>\n