How to Let Go of Pain<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\nThe stress response for fight, or flight we need for survival, but today incessant worrying has gone awry:\u00a0chronic, anxiety-ridden, and dysfunctional. Worrying can\u00a0stop the creation of new brain cells, is responsible for tremors, headaches, anxiety, and a six-fold increased risk of heart attack.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s believed to increase your risk of cancer, gastrointestinal issues, and depression.<\/p>\n
While acute stress makes you think more clearly, and get focused; chronic stress is poisonous.<\/span><\/p>\nWhere love exists, worry tends to follow.<\/p>\n
Worry gets tied to a story we\u2019ve convinced ourselves is real: I worry because<\/strong> I love you.<\/p>\nYou see your loved one suffering. You naturally want to relieve their pain. You reach out, and are not mindful\u00a0of your own fearful\u00a0feelings that get thrown in.<\/p>\n
Say\u00a0your\u00a0child gets sick. You worry\u00a0by trying to\u00a0control the situation, and its\u00a0future, which leaves you\u00a0feeling anxious. Maybe you get\u00a0demanding, or\u00a0impatient with \u201cyou have to take this medicine!” or irrationally shouting\u00a0“we\u00a0need\u00a0to get to the hospital!” without stopping to see what you can do now that may be more beneficial.<\/p>\n
Perhaps you’ll complain or blame your spouse that he’s not doing enough or\u00a0feel so overwhelmed that you’re\u00a0unable to think or act. All stems from worrying.<\/p>\n
You’re\u00a0afraid, and now your\u00a0child\u00a0is too!<\/span><\/p>\nI experienced something highly unusual growing up.<\/p>\n
My parents both being physicians remained exceptionally calm even during incidences where some alarm \u00a0would be expected – like the time I was 6, and rode\u00a0over a cliff on a bicycle.<\/p>\n
Their medical background kept ‘falls’ in perspective. They promptly took me to the hospital where my jaw needed to be\u00a0wired shut, and my face was badly bruised that when I got home from hospital a few days later, I didn’t recognize myself.<\/p>\n
I burst into tears, but my mom matter-of-factly said “don’t be silly, your face will heal and return back to normal.”<\/p>\n
I didn’t learn how to be anxious\u00a0because how they responded wasn’t\u00a0worry – it was concern. I knew they cared by their actions, and prompt attention.<\/p>\n
The difference between worry, and concern.<\/span><\/p>\nI grew up with\u00a0Murphy’s law that\u00a0“anything that could go wrong, would go wrong” so best be\u00a0prepared to avoid danger so it doesn’t happen. I played it safe, and took very few\u00a0risks.<\/p>\n
Friends were amused at my mother\u2019s postings on our fridge: “Top 10 Driving Tips You Need to Know\u201d and the news stories she’d warn us about: “did you hear about\u00a0the child who got left\u2026.or the woman in the underground parking garage\u2026or the man who got hit riding his bike\u2026? \u00a0Message: Be careful.<\/p>\n
In my world, there were answers for everything. Every problem not only had a solution, it was solvable. I believed everything could be fixed. Didn’t do well on a test – study harder! Feeling sick? Take this medicine and go to bed.<\/p>\n
I grew up in a kind of happy prison.\u00a0My mother was overly protective, and with 6 children to raise – who could question her? None of us broke a single bone growing up requiring a cast, which was ironic given that my father was an orthopaedic surgeon.<\/p>\n
You might expect I\u2019d grow up to be a complete worry wart!<\/span><\/p>\nNot at all. \u00a0I was surprised to discover people living with constant worry, anxiety and stress.\u00a0It was as if a safe place wasn\u2019t available for all the negative things that could\u00a0show up. At first I thought people had\u00a0more difficult life experiences, and I happened to be\u00a0fortunate, which is partly true, but it wasn’t the whole story.<\/p>\n
It was the way people had learned to justify<\/strong>\u00a0worrying as if this meant\u00a0love.<\/span><\/p>\nThere\u2019s an unspoken rule that we must sacrifice for those we love. It\u2019s as if love without a burden is somehow fake, and fleeting. \u00a0There\u2019s an obligation that has confused love with something\u00a0that disguises itself as necessary.<\/p>\n
The power of\u00a0love gives, listens, empathizes, and understands from a place that feels grounded, even if it requires effort, and hardship for you. It’s a gift (however difficult) you want to give, not something you owe someone.<\/p>\n
Worrying can turn acts of love into a kind of\u00a0forced duty, obligation or self-pity as opposed to a desired commitment, and responsibility you treasure.\u00a0 How often have you, or someone you know conjured up tall fabrications\u00a0due to worry?<\/span><\/p>\nYour\u00a0reaction to a\u00a0scary situation\u00a0will either disempower with worry, or empower with concern.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nI look\u00a0back on\u00a0many moments in my life where things didn’t go as planned, but I’d wade through the mess, and get back on my feet, often\u00a0more determined.\u00a0I’m not a risk taker, but I\u00a0was\u00a0willing to try\u00a0things that went against the grain. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\nI’ve noticed that when I stepped out of my own box, others would follow me. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\nIt was like I was silently giving others permission to act on\u00a0what they felt was true for them.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\nI attribute my sense of grounded calmness far from worry to the energy I experienced\u00a0growing up.<\/p>\n
If you spent any length of time with my mother, you’d notice 2 things. That during difficult times, even\u00a0a crisis, she doesn’t respond with worry, stress, or complaining. \u00a0It’s\u00a0almost bizarre, but she doesn’t\u00a0give in to a perspective that says “I can’t handle it”.<\/p>\n
I had a safe place to land because I\u2019d learned a different love story.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nLove was shown by\u00a0caring with concern not worry.\u00a0Concern says \u201cI trust, and believe in you\u201d, and therefore I don\u2019t need to worry. You can handle it. It gave me faith in me.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s exactly how I felt heading into University, having no idea what I wanted to pursue, and without any worries about what that might be. It all turned out fine despite pursuing what was expected (accounting), and later switching to a career doing what I love today – writing, and spiritual coaching to help people find the light their soul needs to grow.<\/p>\n
Ever felt like someone worrying about you was proof of their love?<\/p>\n
Doesn\u2019t it seem contradictory that you would want someone you love to experience the angst of worrying about you? Sure, you want someone concerned about you, but the energy of worry comes from fear. The energy of care comes from love.<\/p>\n
Notice the feeling when you worry about what a loved one might think of you.<\/span><\/p>\nThere\u2019s an underlying fear that you aren\u2019t good enough if you are worried. \u00a0Part of you secretly believes someone’s judgment may be true.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t fully trust yourself.<\/p>\n
When you care or are concerned about what your loved ones think of you it’s because you respect, and value who they are including their thoughts, and ideas whether you agree or not.<\/p>\n
You can have concern, but worry comes from a fear about what could happen that hasn’t. It means whatever happens you will react from fear, which will create anxiety and stress instead of simply responding mindfully to what needs to get handled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe word worry comes from the Old High German word wurgen which means to strangle. Worrisome thoughts and their resulting feelings are a form of self strangulation.\u201d<\/p>\n
~Andrew Bernstein<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Worry provides no value to you, or the person you love. Let me say that again – worry is NOT valuable.<\/p>\n
Notice how your mind can take 2 completely different ideas (worry, and love) and collapse them into one limiting belief that seals your fate of being a worrier: because I love you I have to worry about you.<\/span><\/p>\nContrary to popular belief, worry is not a sign of love. It\u2019s one of the biggest lies that needs to be tossed out.<\/p>\n
By separating these 2 ideas (worry, and love), and seeing them each for what they are, you can become a warrior for concern in love, and let go of your worries. Follow these steps:<\/p>\n
\n- No complaining, accept the present situation (you don’t have to like it).<\/li>\n
- Notice your own fears (let go of the need to control outcome).<\/li>\n
- Trust, and believe in yourself.<\/li>\n
- Let go of the false belief that worry = love.<\/li>\n
- Have faith that the Universe is friendly.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
When you move away from fear, you let go of worry, and can move into concern that comes from love.<\/p>\n
It’s where you discover calm in the chaos away from stress, and anxiety towards a new found sense of freedom.<\/p>\n
Worrying no longer means love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Have you ever worried about someone you love? Seems like a ridiculous question, doesn\u2019t it? It\u2019s such a familiar feeling. We don\u2019t want negative experiences for anyone we care about, but this constrictive sense of stress that comes with worry seems to come with\u00a0the territory of loving someone. But does it have to? I bet […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5605,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,51,52],"tags":[165,87,166],"class_list":["post-5508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-conflict-communication","category-health-well-being","category-love-connection","tag-anxiety","tag-fear","tag-worry"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5508"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9370,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508\/revisions\/9370"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5605"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}