I always wondered.. why people harm others.<\/p>\n
I just read about Omar Mateen killing 49 & injuring 53 in the deadliest shooting in Orlando just after I finished reading this brave, and stunning letter<\/a> <\/span>by the victim, “Emily Doe” who remained anonymous in the Stanford rape case. Her impact statement she read in court to her assailant found guilty on all 3 charges went viral because it spoke so clearly to so much of what’s unspoken.<\/p>\n I’ve\u00a0been reading articles this past week\u00a0trying to make sense of what we’re not seeing when this kind of violence continues to happen. How can we\u00a0be the change<\/strong>?<\/p>\n Have you wondered why people harm others? More importantly.. what do you believe is the source of unthinkable violence in our world? I have an idea…<\/p>\n I\u2019ve experienced it\u00a0after hearing this kind of devastating news along with shock, sadness, and anger.<\/p>\n It was all around me, but for a long time\u00a0I couldn\u2019t see it. I\u2019d grown up sheltered from it.<\/p>\n It\u00a0wasn’t until I was willing to\u00a0speak my own truth not realizing that sometimes bumping heads with opposing views will rear a side of someone that may startle you. It also confused me.<\/p>\n It was in Omar Mateen saying inflammatory remarks about\u00a0terrorists, and\u00a0when he physically abused his wife.<\/p>\n It created his rage against the gay community, and shame for being attracted to it.<\/p>\n His father declared \u201cGod would punish homosexuals\u201d. Religious beliefs can have it too.<\/p>\n It was also in the polite, hardworking Stanford athlete, convicted of sexual assault raised in an affluent community with a devoted stay at home mom, and father who coached his sport’s team growing up.<\/p>\n Maybe you call it something else.<\/p>\n I call it entitlement<\/em>. It says:<\/p>\n \u201cYou deserve the nasty way I get to treat you because of what I believe.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n It’s easy to spot entitlement in religious beliefs turned fundamental with doctrines being demanded not shared. With dictators where leadership is fueled with aggression, fear, and control.<\/p>\n But when parents make their child the victim and give them the benefit of the doubt no matter what<\/strong> they\u2019ve done \u2013 entitlement is hidden\u00a0under the veil of\u00a0\u2018privilege\u2019.<\/p>\n Children raised to hear the word YES when NO was the appropriate response.<\/p>\n There\u2019s not only a failure to stop, and have a conversation around\u00a0\u201cMy God, what have you done? This is NOT ok. Do you understand WHY that\u00a0behaviour is not appropriate?\u201d<\/p>\n Omar Mateen was a known trouble-maker growing up in Florida. He was so\u00a0violent, people joked he would become a terrorist. I’m sure many in the\u00a0community thought\u00a0“NO, this is not ok, but what can I\u00a0do?”<\/p>\n People had signs\u00a0the same way a wife knows before she married her abusive husband. Entitlement is lurking behind the scenes when\u00a0a system isn’t set up to say “no, this man cannot purchase an assault rifle” when the FBI had\u00a0investigated him for terrorism.<\/p>\n Most of us don\u2019t want conflict. We know when speaking up will result in defensiveness or a\u00a0full-blown\u00a0attack. Instead, we quietly look the other way or move out of the way.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve done it too. Risking harmony isn\u2019t worth it sometimes. We pick our battles.<\/p>\n But I\u2019ve noticed the more I hear my own inner voice \u2013 the more I\u2019m not willing not to say anything.<\/p>\n When we don\u2019t say anything, a deadly problem emerges for all of us.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the parent yelling abusively at their child who doesn’t follow their rules, or isn’t playing a sport or an instrument well enough.<\/p>\n You\u2019re entitled to treat your child this way as their parent, and then wonder why your child talks back, keeps getting into trouble, and doesn’t respect you\u00a0later?<\/p>\n When teens attack their parents with rude remarks, sarcasm, and a bad attitude, and parents shrug it off as “that just how teenagers behave” – entitlement is being fostered.<\/p>\n It’s the impatient or demanding remarks\u00a0by a partner who\u2019s had a rough day at work. Your bad day means I have to suffer?<\/p>\n It’s what we allow, settle for, and accept in ourselves and others when we know deep down it isn’t OK.<\/p>\n Entitled behaviour creates all kinds of conflict and unnecessary drama.<\/p>\n At the extreme, it’s a sexual assault. It may be a mass shooting.<\/p>\n Speaking our truth when someone feels entitled is not easy.<\/p>\n In our every day lives, we don\u2019t have a situation where someone is found guilty standing before us in a courtroom to finally have an opportunity to speak up with validation from a jury.<\/p>\n We may not have the inner strength or courage “Emily” developed through her painful ordeal, nor her resilience. Perhaps our outer support is lacking, and standing alone can be scary.<\/p>\n Brock Turner, at 20 had no track record and a bright future, yet he chose to drag an intoxicated woman across the ground, remove her clothing, and sexually assault her. Who does that? A whole community around him who conditioned him, and continued to support it.<\/p>\n 1) His mother:<\/strong> Her plea letter<\/a> to the judge for mercy screams one thing: VICTIM.<\/p>\n It detailed all the pain and suffering her son, and their family experienced since the guilty verdict right down to their financial woes \u2013 she was unable to decorate her new home. After all, she needed to hire one of most expensive lawyers to create a new story filled with lies, and ensure her son’s clean record was saved.<\/p>\n 2) His father:<\/strong>\u00a0His\u00a0plea letter<\/a>\u00a0to the judge screamed BLAME. He recommended\u00a0his son teach about the dangers of alcohol, and promiscuity, and said \u201cthat\u2019s a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action\u201d.<\/p>\nYou\u2019re familiar with it.<\/span><\/h4>\n
It exists regardless of culture, status, gender or education.<\/span><\/h4>\n
Entitlement is a blind spot that keeps itself protected.<\/span><\/h4>\n
Entitlement runs rampant. We all know someone who doesn\u2019t see it within themselves.<\/span><\/h4>\n
Entitlement gives people permission to judge another person with \u201cI\u2019m owed this! You deserve whatever crap I\u2019m dishing out” while we stay in the fear of how others will judge us if we do speak up.<\/span><\/h4>\n
Entitlement means someone becomes your victim.<\/span><\/h4>\n
The Way Entitlement Gets Fostered\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n
The Many\u00a0Influencers of Brock Turner, 20\u00a0years old:<\/span><\/h4>\n