{"id":4895,"date":"2016-02-23T07:13:17","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T14:13:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/\/?p=4895"},"modified":"2023-03-22T10:11:20","modified_gmt":"2023-03-22T10:11:20","slug":"prefer-funerals-or-weddings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/prefer-funerals-or-weddings\/","title":{"rendered":"Funerals Better Than Weddings ??"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last Saturday, I attended a funeral of an elderly relative where the reverend announced that she thinks funerals better than weddings because\u00a0\u00a0“people are more real<\/em><\/strong>.”<\/p>\n

Ironically the weekend before, I was at a wedding. Years go by now where I attend neither one. It made me stop, and reflect. There was more authenticity at this funeral than the wedding, but difficult to compare apples to oranges in terms of preference\u00a0when one is generally happy for good reason while the other sad for good reason.<\/p>\n

Funerals better than weddings?<\/h2>\n

A\u00a0funeral has\u00a0the gift of hindsight<\/em><\/strong> that exposes\u00a0a life filled with\u00a0precious\u00a0relationships of those\u00a0now deeply missing you while a\u00a0wedding can only hold the\u00a0promise of such a relationship.<\/p>\n

Will you be missed?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was one of the ‘tell-tale’ signs in my dating days to signal\u00a0\u00a0a relationship was over. I no longer felt that sense of “missing someone” during their absence. We had either grown apart or were too incompatible, and it was time to move on.<\/p>\n

After hearing many heartfelt tributes in\u00a0voices strained with\u00a0emotion,\u00a0and at times overflowing tears unable to be contained, I\u00a0knew that my aunt was loved dearly, and will be missed by many, especially by her husband, and first love of over 50 years.<\/p>\n

My uncle\u00a0described to me how she seemed to know it was her time after battling a rare form of stomach cancer the past few\u00a0months. I’d visited her in hospital on Christmas day, and though in pain, was still in good spirits with a smile.<\/p>\n

In her final days, she no longer needed\u00a0pain medication, was at home, and had passed peacefully holding her beloved’s hand.<\/p>\n

“How do you want to be remembered at your funeral?”<\/strong> the reverend\u00a0asked. I’d heard a similar\u00a0question many times throughout the world of coaching: “What is the legacy you want to leave?”<\/strong><\/p>\n

The\u00a0wedding had been for\u00a0the President of\u00a0the company my husband currently works for. It was beautiful, fun, lovely. The pastor at the ceremony said “we must pray for this couple’s happiness\u00a0as they need all the help they can get. Marriages are hard.”<\/p>\n

We all laughed uncomfortably knowing the statistics, and our own experiences with long lasting happy marriages, yet still holding onto the hope for\u00a0the love we witnessed that day.<\/p>\n

I’d met this elderly aunt (my mom’s cousin) for the first time 14 years ago. She’d arrived to help bring\u00a0my newborn twin girls to their\u00a0early\u00a0doctor’s appointments with\u00a0my nearly 2 year old son.<\/p>\n

I didn’t like to ask for help, but\u00a0I was so exhausted from sheer lack of sleep let alone getting myself, and 3 little human beings to an appointment on time.\u00a0My mom suggested I reach out to my\u00a0aunt \u00a0– she was retired, lived nearby, and loved seeing\u00a0children\u00a0play, and smile.<\/p>\n

She’d later arrive with\u00a0the\u00a0most delicious chiffon cakes that my kids would devour. I’d send Xmas cards, and\u00a0visit occasionally. Turns out her cakes were famous among many, not just\u00a0my children!<\/p>\n

What creates lasting connection<\/strong>? I barely knew this aunt, yet always felt a closeness from how she gave so selflessly when I was desperate. All you want is for her to be happy.\u00a0There always seemed to be many friends, and family around her.<\/p>\n

This part of us that’s real<\/strong> where we feel better as a result of having known someone. A funeral reveals\u00a0that kind of success. It was described in a poem I’d collected in my teen journal not understanding what authenticity in our connections<\/strong> really meant until I began\u00a0experiencing glimpses\u00a0myself:<\/p>\n

\"Success2\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Everything else, your worldly possessions, education & career success, or reaching the top monetarily – what we work so hard to achieve holds a different value of “successful doing” that can’t compare to experiencing life through the relationships you create of “successful being”.<\/p>\n

Getting things accomplished is\u00a0important, but what’s more\u00a0valuable is how you are being as that determines\u00a0whether you\u00a0will be missed at all. \u00a0It reminds me of Apple founder<\/a>, Steve Jobs in a previous blog<\/a><\/span> where I noticed the backlash about\u00a0his character after his passing. Yes he will be remembered for what he did, but it’s his character that lives\u00a0at the real level, and remains\u00a0with us.<\/p>\n

We want to be remembered for who we are<\/strong>, which becomes the foundation\u00a0for what we do<\/strong>. These need to align to be truly successful. We’ve all met people where “what you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you are saying.” No matter what you’ve accomplished, it gets diminished if who you are<\/strong> isn’t respected, and cherished.<\/p>\n

I try to remember this when my kids walk into the room excited to tell me something, and I’m in the middle of working. Am I being present or annoyed?<\/p>\n

I’m mindful of the last time I spent with a friend laughing, and crying while getting\u00a0the finances & laundry done.<\/p>\n

I realize that I had\u00a0to endure a few false friendships to appreciate the beauty of what I value about someone’s character, and who I don’t want to be.<\/p>\n

When did I last appreciate my husband for his hard work as the main provider financially for our family that allows me to do what I love so I can give\u00a0the best of me, and leave the world a little better?<\/p>\n

Am I earning the affection of my youngest nieces & nephews, and respect of my own children with our time spent together?<\/p>\n

What am I giving? Who am I helping? How\u00a0am I making a difference?<\/p>\n

Who, and what will be missed about you at your funeral?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being mindful in your daily life of how you want to be remembered will ensure that when your time arrives, you will be loved, and missed not\u00a0only\u00a0for what you did, but for who you are. I believe\u00a0that’s\u00a0real success<\/strong> worth striving for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last Saturday, I attended a funeral of an elderly relative where the reverend announced that she thinks funerals better than weddings because\u00a0\u00a0“people are more real.” Ironically the weekend before, I was at a wedding. Years go by now where I attend neither one. It made me stop, and reflect. There was more authenticity at this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6113,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[69,58],"tags":[112,146,62,147,148],"class_list":["post-4895","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-change-transition","category-faith-letting-go","tag-authentic","tag-funerals","tag-love","tag-real","tag-weddings"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4895","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4895"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4895\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9377,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4895\/revisions\/9377"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4895"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4895"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4895"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}