It’s the season of giving, and a time when expectations, and disappointments can hit an all-time high.<\/p>\n
Not\u00a0so much about the gift\u00a0giving (though it can disappointing\u00a0when it\u00a0really\u00a0misses the mark), but in all the other ways we give to those we love around the holiday season. The way you\u00a0invest your time, energy, and intentions, along with the thoughts\u00a0behind any material gifts – what if those <\/em>aren’t\u00a0returned the way you\u00a0expected?<\/p>\n The\u00a0\u00a0simple wisdom goes: give, and don’t have any expectations in return, then you won’t be disappointed. So, don’t have any expectations?<\/p>\n I\u00a0needed to examine: where have I felt the most disappointed? Where might\u00a0I have had a part in creating that experience?<\/p>\n Our deepest disappointments are felt with anyone we’ve carved out a space for in our hearts. On some level – big or small we care how this person thinks about us. And, how they treat us, and whether there’s a reflection back. Because we’ve giving whole-heartedly from a genuine part of ourself that cares. It’s healthy to have that come back to mirror who we are.<\/p>\n That other simple wisdom: “don’t care what anyone else thinks” doesn’t apply here. You will care about what the people you love think just as you hope those who love you care about what you think! The secret is letting go of where you don’t have control of what someone else thinks. And, also letting go when their ideals don’t resonate with yours : )<\/p>\n Those willing to grow with you will have a mutual desire to be curious, beneficial, and influential in your life. They do that even when you disagree, and vice versa so you can grow, and change together.<\/p>\n The problem is\u00a0we don’t just hold different values sometimes with those we care about, we operate from different places of self-value. This\u00a0gap can be\u00a0so big between you that the way you give, and receive can result in huge disappointments.<\/p>\n Have you ever felt a need to be overly thankful to someone more for them? Or the need to please them – not because of your inherent gratitude or genuine praise? Intuitively, do you notice where someone seems to need your accolades to feel good about themselves? A part of you wants to give this to make them happy. But it’s a warning sign that you are feeding into something self-destructive: their ego.<\/p>\n You are secretly validating\u00a0someone’s need to fill the\u00a0void in them by\u00a0seeking it from you. Nothing outside can make someone feel ‘good enough’ inside. When it comes to those we love, this can be a toxic place when someone depends on you for their self-worth.<\/p>\n Byron Katie, author of “Loving What Is” suggests we stop\u00a0seeking love, approval, and appreciation from other people. \u00a0This is where our biggest disappointments get created. You don’t need to seek these when you already hold them within you to share. When you value yourself, you can confidently live by your own values without worrying what anyone thinks.<\/p>\n You attract others who also value themselves, and any disappointments become resolvable because there’s a safe space to share transparently without either of you taking it personally. It’s where you don’t feel valued that disappointments occur.<\/p>\n The more people you have in your life who value themselves the way you do, the less you will be disappointed because your expectations of each other will\u00a0naturally get met. You’ve surrounded yourself with those whose vibe matches yours. There’s a space to experience true joy, laughter, and connection\u00a0on levels that keep expanding.<\/p>\n The more you seek love, approval, and appreciation from others, the more expectations you will have. Then, chances are, you will feel more disappointed because others are now mirroring your own self-deception – that you are not worthy. Otherwise why would you need to seek something from them to make you happy?<\/p>\n When you can\u00a0give from a place where\u00a0you value your own self-worth, you have the capacity to\u00a0give without being attached to the outcome of what they will give back.\u00a0When all your\u00a0gifts – your time, energy, or thoughts behind any material things comes\u00a0from a place where you value yourself – it ALL comes back-\u00a0if\u00a0your recipient holds a similar\u00a0self-value so\u00a0they can receive you.<\/p>\n Love isn’t something you need to try to give. You already are that – it’s learning how to\u00a0connect more and more to this part of yourself so you can give, and receive from here\u00a0that\u00a0suddenly you find yourself experiencing more joy, and less disappointment because\u00a0what comes back is exactly what you\u00a0expected.<\/p>\n It’s where I’m expecting something to feed a place that’s\u00a0lacking\u00a0self-worth in me that I\u00a0feel a disappointment I could have avoided if not for this\u00a0self-deception. My ego<\/a> is seeking what my\u00a0spirit knows I\u00a0already have.<\/p>\n Do you ever give\u00a0from a place of needing to please someone? Then you will expect others to please you\u00a0by giving that same way. It feels more like an obligation than giving, but it’s easy to slip here where your\u00a0ego can\u00a0make you feel guilty, and you will feel disappointed by what you feel owed.<\/p>\n Sadly, I see\u00a0a lot of relationships based on this exchange: “what are you doing for me?”, and it’s not in their awareness that there’s is a toxic\u00a0energy that flows back and forth. Instead, ask “what are we wanting to give to each other to nurture our highest joy, and capacity to grow together”?<\/p>\nHow to Avoid Expectations and Disappointments<\/h2>\n