Harv Eker<\/a>‘s words at a conference long ago yelling at the top of his lungs: “What’s the point of having cake, if you can’t eat it? !!”<\/p>\nInherent in\u00a0any\u00a0label of ‘selfishness’ is an assumption that in making choices you want, someone is being neglected, hurt, abandoned, used, taken advantage of, or victimized in the process. Someone is being ‘wronged’, so\u00a0you\u00a0may get\u00a0judged as selfish.\u00a0But is it true?<\/p>\n
Let’s face it, we’ve all met people who have no\u00a0problem\u00a0stepping on others for\u00a0their own benefit. Some\u00a0people sadly hold\u00a0little regard for\u00a0the genuine feelings of others. They seem to revel in gossip, and putting others down is simply expressing their opinion. There’s a connection missing they don’t realize isn’t there.<\/p>\n
Greed, self-importance, entitlement, and judgment are justified. Apologizing is extremely difficult as\u00a0pride overrules. \u00a0Appearing weak where\u00a0God forbid you may be\u00a0wrong\u00a0won’t surface in their words.<\/p>\n
They know it all, and there is no space to listen to you. They fail to see beyond the world they’ve created even in the face of\u00a0people continually stepping away from their path.<\/p>\n
Not surprisingly, those\u00a0who behave selfishly do not think of themselves as selfish, which is\u00a0why they keep\u00a0repeating the same self-destructive patterns\u00a0–\u00a0they’re ok with it!<\/p>\n
They can\u00a0sacrifice, alienate, and walk over friends, colleagues, relatives, even the well-being of their own children to be right. \u00a0You may be bewildered, angry, or frustrated trying to\u00a0understand their choices.<\/p>\n
Let it go, and focus on understanding your choices. You get to BE YOU<\/strong>.<\/p>\nIf you dig deeper – we all choose to do what\u00a0we think is\u00a0right for us. Who tries to be selfish? The difference is the intention<\/em> from the place\u00a0you live\u00a0from, which is directly affected by\u00a0the level of your own self-worth<\/strong>.<\/p>\nHow to Determine If You’re Being Selfish<\/h2>\n
Do you recognize\u00a0when\u00a0you are behaving in a way that would be considered selfish? Here’s how you might be able to tell:<\/p>\n
\n- Do you feel\u00a0a sense of entitlement (like you are owed something)?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Have you ever felt like people are betraying you?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Are there many people regularly not meeting your expectations where you feel disappointed or appalled?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Do you have feelings of jealousy, a need to control, or ownership?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Do you have difficulty being happy for other people’s happiness?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Is there a regular feeling of being pissed off or annoyed at the world, and how people behave?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Do you get offended easily?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Does life feel like an on-going\u00a0competition where you need to be better than someone to\u00a0‘win’ or ‘survive’?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
\n- Do you need to get your own way where others are\u00a0having to give in or walk away to avoid your reaction?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
The\u00a0“all about me” at the expense\u00a0of someone else comes at a price that is difficult to see when you are in it.\u00a0There’s anger, pride, and self-pity\u00a0that’s really blame in disguise, and becomes self-righteousness.<\/p>\n
Thoughts of\u00a0“it’s\u00a0someone’s\u00a0fault I feel this way” or “this happened to me because of someone” can keep you\u00a0stuck in the ‘victim’ mentality.<\/p>\n
What do you really want?<\/h3>\n
The hardest question: “What do you really want?<\/strong>” Not what you should want, or what makes sense, or\u00a0pleases\u00a0someone. Knowing yourself apart\u00a0from everyone else’s ideals forces you to trust the deepest part of you that believes you deserve it. That knows you are already loved.<\/p>\nIt’s here that you become “one with everyone” wanting the happiness not only yourself, but everyone else. Abundance lives in this space.<\/p>\n
It’s also\u00a0where you have the capability to take 100% responsibility for your own life without needing approval, validation or permission. Your\u00a0values get created from a\u00a0place of inner grounding that’s at peace, and you end up creating what you want from the inside out.<\/p>\n
Are you\u00a0stopping yourself\u00a0from pursuing your own happiness out of fear\u00a0someone will not like it, be hurt, or angry? \u00a0Notice that\u00a0anyone’s\u00a0reaction is\u00a0based on their values (who they are) – not yours.<\/p>\n
If you\u00a0choose to\u00a0accommodate, adjust who you are to please someone else, or avoid conflict, you may lose yourself in the name of not ‘being selfish’. You\u00a0don’t\u00a0want to offend or disappoint someone or believe you are causing someone else’s pain, but are you?<\/p>\n
Why would anyone who cares about you not want you to be happy doing the things that nurture you?\u00a0For making\u00a0choices that allow you to thrive, grow, and be your best?<\/p>\n
Unless someone\u00a0felt less worthy or inferior as a result. Unless there was perhaps some\u00a0jealousy or need to control. Unless someone\u00a0didn’t feel good enough. Unless what you are giving to yourself\u00a0is what someone\u00a0doesn’t believe they deserve – no one should have that! Suddenly you become selfish.<\/p>\n
Are You Being Selfish?<\/h3>\n
The question is not whether you are ‘being selfish’ – it’s “am I choosing what works for me because I believe, and know myself?” When you honour what lights you up, you become an inspiration to others because you give permission for others to love and honour themselves.<\/p>\n
You “become the change” and the idea of ‘selfishness’ disappears – existing only with those who don’t realize they are choosing a selfish\u00a0path\u00a0because\u00a0there’s no space to share\u00a0what can only be discovered on their own.<\/p>\n
Where in your life might you be behaving selfishly?<\/p>\n
Where might you be holding yourself back\u00a0because of a fear of\u00a0being perceived as selfish?<\/p>\n
Are you willing to\u00a0honour what you truly want by nurturing your own well-being so life starts coming to you?<\/p>\n
Share in the\u00a0comments : )<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I get asked to clarify this question a lot: when am I being selfish as opposed to simply choosing what I want? Does it feel like you are\u00a0chasing after the things you\u00a0want? Do you find yourself trying to control, pushing\u00a0hard to get somewhere, or expecting others to make you happy? When you shift from what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,53,104],"tags":[113,92,110,124,125,63,126],"class_list":["post-3976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conflict-communication","category-criticism-judgment","category-trust-betrayal","tag-ego-2","tag-guilt","tag-self-love","tag-selfish","tag-selfishness","tag-spirituality-2","tag-what-you-want"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3976","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3976"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3976\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9393,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3976\/revisions\/9393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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