It is very hard to recognize when we are blaming someone, but easy to recognize if you are the one being blamed! Why is that?<\/p>\n
We naturally feel anger, and frustration when someone fails to say or do what we need or expect because we know what \u201crings our truth bells\u201d. But when your sense of \u2018right\u2019 is being stepped on, how do you express your anger, hurt or disappointment?<\/p>\n
Are you calling someone a name or complaining about that \u2018idiot\u2019? Do you attack with accusations of who you think they are? Do you give the silent treatment holding resentment against someone for how they are choosing to be? You are needing to \u2018be right\u2019, and you are blaming.<\/p>\n
Blaming separates you from others. It shuts down meaningful conversation. Taking responsibility of the contrast you are feeling for what doesn\u2019t resonate with you brings you closer to your authentic self. It\u2019s the anger, hurt, and disappointment that belongs to you, and no one else that pushes you to stand up for what you believe to live true to yourself. You just can\u2019t project it onto someone else.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to recognize when someone is blaming you because it feels like someone \u2018doesn\u2019t get me\u2019 along with a pressure being imposed to change you with their \u201cyou should_____ or you need to _______\u201d where their energy feels controlling, or condemning. Not to mention the yelling! Someone is trying to convince us of something we don\u2019t feel, see or perhaps understand. They may try to correct your choices with what they think is right \u2013 giving you all that unwanted advice!<\/p>\n
We get so attached to being right that we cannot see beyond to the realization that every conflict is simply your way of seeing being different from my way of seeing. <\/em> Blaming makes it someone\u2019s fault for how you feel. It demands an apology believing someone caused your emotions, which arises because of who you are, and has nothing to do with how someone\u00a0else decides to choose.<\/strong><\/p>\n A true apology happens when you take responsibility for your thinking or actions because\u00a0you believe you\u2019ve done something wrong not what someone else believes was wrong (you don\u2019t agree with), and they felt hurt! You may feel bad or \u2018sorry\u2019 that someone else is hurting because of what you choose, and feel compassion, but this is different from a sincere apology for your own misdoing that you want to learn, and grow from.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s the tricky part. You not only have to deal with others who may be blaming you, but they may be blaming themselves. They can\u2019t hear you because all they need is your apology to confirm they are right. They want you to say \u201cyou are a good person\u201d because inside they do not feel \u201cgood enough\u201d.<\/p>\n The ego has 2 sides when it blames. There\u2019s an insecurity seeking approval that can appear \u2018childlike\u2019 having a tantrum, alongside an aggressive self-righteousness that can appear confident, and will be attacking. It\u2019s the \u201cI don\u2019t need to listen to you! Who do you think you are?\u201d with an underlying sense of despair for someone to rescue them from their own self-pity, and \u201cpoor me\u201d victim mentality they cannot see.<\/p>\nWhat\u2019s a True Apology?<\/h2>\n