here<\/a>\u00a0on Tiny Buddha.<\/p>\nAt the time, I went through a range of intense emotions that began with confusion that quickly turned to anger.<\/p>\n
As I sat with the attacks I felt thrown at me, the anger turned to hate. A feeling I\u2019d never felt towards anyone in my life! I wanted NOTHING to do with her ever.<\/p>\n
It was a feeling I honestly had never experienced before. What I didn\u2019t realize was that this divisiveness was coming from my own judgment!<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t we all need to judge?<\/h4>\n
When your experiences lead you to\u00a0believe,\u00a0<\/strong>conclude, have an opinion, or make an assumption or an assessment<\/b>\u00a0about someone ..let\u2019s say greedy, selfish, unkind, disrespectful\u00a0\u2013 isn\u2019t this judging someone?<\/p>\nSome argue a resounding yes!<\/p>\n
But \u2013 is it?<\/p>\n
We all have our own experience, perspective, viewpoint or opinion. \u00a0We\u2019re free and need to have our own thoughts about someone \u2013 positive and negative.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s value in developing the\u00a0skill\u00a0of determining among other things who you want to surround yourself with, or who you may be better off avoiding all together!<\/p>\n
Your ability to judge<\/strong>\u00a0or what I prefer to say \u2013\u00a0discern<\/strong>\u00a0someone\u2019s character is a worthwhile endeavour : )<\/p>\nSo what do I mean by judging someone? Why would you even want to live judgment-free?<\/h4>\n
Let\u2019s talk about \u2018good\u2019 judgment, and \u2018bad\u2019 judgment \u2013 yes I\u2019m \u2018judging\u2019 the word judgment to make a point!<\/p>\n
\u2018Good\u2019 meaning<\/em> judgment that is\u00a0helpful or valuable<\/strong> for wise decisions including your personal\u00a0assessment<\/strong> of someone. \u2018Bad\u2019 meaning<\/em> judging someone where you hold intentional thoughts that are destructive because you put someone down (see as inferior) leading to divisiveness,\u00a0hatred or blame.<\/p>\nWhen you judge someone as\u00a0bad or negative<\/b>\u00a0with a thought like \u201cmy in-laws are selfish, or\u00a0disrespectful<\/strong>\u00a0for not spending enough time taking care of their aging parents\u201d, what do you notice about the energy you are holding against your in-laws?<\/p>\nDoesn\u2019t feel good, right? Why? Because it\u2019s not how you would care for your aging parents. This negative thought is true for you, and stepping on a value <\/strong>you honour, which you feel is wrong in your view<\/strong>.<\/p>\nYour definition of\u00a0right\u00a0<\/strong>implies a certain way of giving<\/strong>\u00a0(your value) that\u2019s not being met so it bothers you.<\/p>\nBut there may be another energy here that\u2019s self-destructive.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s also may be angering you is how someone else is choosing. Their \u2018bad choices\u2019 creates condemnation or contempt in you towards them.<\/p>\n
This is the insidious energy of judgment that is blinding.<\/p>\n
The Confusion around Judgment<\/h4>\n
It\u2019s often believed that judging someone means \u201cthinking, saying or feeling anything negative about anyone\u201d.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll hear this alot. If you have nothing nice to say, don\u2019t say it, but it\u2019s more than what you say.<\/p>\n
So I disagree. You will experience\u00a0genuine emotions<\/strong> for what matters to you.<\/p>\nYour \u2018negative emotions<\/strong>\u2018 (anger, frustration, distain or disgust) gives you the contrast to know what\u2019s not in alignment for choices consistent with your values.<\/p>\nBeing true to yourself helps establish your personal code of conduct <\/strong>for\u00a0how you will treat, think, and feel about others, and yourself.<\/p>\n\u2018Good judgment\u2019 becomes \u2018bad judgment\u2019 (meaning destructive or unhealthy) when we take those\u00a0negative thoughts\u00a0and emotions,<\/strong> and attack<\/strong> someone for how we feel something is right (silently or otherwise).<\/p>\nJudging someone is like a weapon you hurl towards someone\u2019s heart. It creates separation breaking down any hope of effective communication, and it will move to destroy your relationships including the one with yourself.<\/p>\n
Judging someone where you choose to\u00a0condemn (threaten), or control (demand)\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0by imposing your\u00a0thinking into a should<\/strong> for someone else becomes a problem for all of us.<\/p>\nThis is where anger and disgust about something<\/strong> is now being directed into hate, disdain, and contempt against someone<\/strong>.<\/p>\nIt\u2019s how we become divisive, and someone becomes \u201cthe other\u201d or \u201cenemy\u201d that justifies our blame, hate, frustration \u2013 \u00a0toxic energy you will be holding.<\/p>\n
Now you are\u2019judging someone in a way that\u2019s\u00a0harmful<\/strong>\u00a0not just against someone, but also against yourself. You become self-righteous<\/strong>.<\/p>\nJudging someone will bring on resentment, bitterness, <\/strong>and you will not be able to find\u00a0forgiveness <\/strong>here.<\/p>\nYou will now\u00a0behave <\/strong>with punishment, defensiveness, yelling at someone and treating others in ways you wouldn\u2019t want to be treated.<\/p>\nUnderneath, there\u2019s a Condemning or Controlling<\/strong> energy you may be holding\u00a0you can recognize with your \u2018shoulds<\/strong>\u2018: \u201cMy in-laws\u00a0should be <\/strong>more\u00a0giving, otherwise they are<\/strong>\u00a0bad, inconsiderate, selfish people.<\/p>\nThese thoughts will creep in:<\/h4>\n
\u201cHow could they be so unsupportive of their own parents?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with them?\u201d<\/p>\n
Do you notice the problem when we think this way? We\u00a0make someone wrong with our energy based on our right way<\/strong>.<\/p>\nWe demand that what\u2019s right for us must be right for someone else. It\u2019s a blind spot.<\/p>\n
You no longer maintain responsibility<\/strong> for your negative thoughts, and emotions \u2013 you take it a step further, and impose<\/strong>\u00a0them in a destructive way onto someone who should be \u201csome way\u201d according to you.<\/p>\nIf they do not follow your \u201cright way\u201d \u2013 they become inferior in your mind.<\/p>\n
The stronger your judgment, the less human someone becomes to you.<\/p>\n
Who are you to judge by putting yourself in a superior position?<\/strong><\/p>\nIn your mind, it\u2019s now someone else\u2019s fault<\/strong>\u00a0for not following your ideals. None of us can ever live in someone else\u2019s entire experience of being to really know what\u2019s going on inside, and their choices are\u00a0their responsibility<\/strong>, not ours.<\/p>\nNotice this also works for judging someone positively\u00a0<\/strong>where we can impose<\/strong> generosity, kindness, respect upon people putting them high on a pedestal above us.<\/p>\nWe can make someone superior<\/strong> to us, and may see ourselves as inferior or less than the other.<\/strong><\/p>\nIt\u2019s where we make destructive comparisons, and self-judge, <\/strong>which is the root of feeling not\u00a0good enough.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nWhat Happens When You Judge Someone?<\/span><\/h4>\nJealousy, and gossip<\/strong> can easily show up. You can set up expectations<\/strong> no one can meet, and then get disappointed. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nPressure<\/strong>\u00a0you create with your judgment appears for others needing to measure up<\/strong> to your standard.\u00a0Someone is not as \u2018kind\u2019 based on your definition of how you think they should be<\/strong>\u2026<\/p>\nWho are you to judge how someone else should be?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nYour values for choices in behaviour<\/strong>\u00a0are unique to you. Allowing for diversity and freedom of choice is not about tolerating, but understanding our differences with compassion.<\/p>\nOur action towards how you treat another person speak volumes about your character.<\/p>\n
What being\u00a0supportive<\/strong>\u00a0means according to you simply tells you how you prefer to behave, but it can be very different to someone else.<\/p>\nAny\u00a0behaviour<\/strong>\u00a0by another parent you see as not respectful<\/strong> towards their child tells you how you want to treat your own child.<\/p>\nOur Greatest Challenge<\/h4>\n
What happens when you know someone is deliberately<\/strong> choosing to do something that is destructive, hurtful, unloving \u2013 how do you not judge them?<\/p>\nHow do you stand up for what\u2019s right, and good without condemning someone? This is where it gets a bit tricky to navigate.<\/p>\n
The best way is to first move away from reactionary emotions and find your inner calm. Get connected to your values. You can both honour your values and own your anger, and speak from here or walk away knowing you cannot change other people.<\/p>\n
You begin to take 100% responsibility<\/strong> for your thoughts, and allow others to take 100% responsibility for theirs\u00a0even when\u00a0you don\u2019t like something or vehemently disagree.<\/p>\nIt\u2019s their choices for their path \u2013 their mistakes to make, their lessons to learn.<\/p>\n
By letting go of needing to change other people to be the way you want, <\/strong>you suddenly liberate yourself, and begin to live\u00a0judgment-free<\/strong>.<\/p>\nYou become the change<\/strong> by letting go of judgment, which is in the way of you simply living your own values. When you can\u00a0accept<\/strong> others are simply being who they are according to their \u201cright way\u201d \u2013 you will discern better who they are.<\/p>\nWe all need to find our own healthy space with everyone in our lives. It can mean leaving relationships behind, even sometimes family members.<\/p>\n
You will discover a place that goes beyond the opposites of right and wrong, and good and bad labels <\/strong>where you need to be right, and make someone else wrong<\/strong>.<\/p>\nYour true inner voice is calm, non-judgmental and knows the energy of what\u2019s loving, compassionate, and understanding.<\/p>\n
Speaking What\u2019s True for You<\/span><\/span><\/h4>\nConnecting within to the divine part of you can give you the strength to stand up for what you believe is right for you, and act on it. \u00a0<\/strong>You can\u00a0share, teach, role\u00a0model\u00a0and guide.<\/strong><\/p>\nSometimes someone is not able to handle your truth in a way that becomes destructive to their well being so you need to discern what\u2019s the \u2018highest good\u2019.<\/p>\n
How others respond to you speaking your truth reflects\u00a0who they are<\/strong> \u2013 some may judge you, be confused by you, or even hate you. There may be conflict<\/strong> you face, and need to mange that will allow you to grow<\/strong> in leaps and bounds.<\/p>\nYou will stop wearing the mask of complacency<\/strong>\u00a0for what matters to you. It\u2019s easy to maintain a false sense of harmony<\/strong> that isn\u2019t aligned with your authentic self where are you not living what\u2019s true for you<\/strong>.<\/p>\nWho isn\u2019t tired of all the blaming, complaining, and surface drama of those who judge others?<\/strong><\/p>\nIt dawned on me one day\u2026there\u2019s no right\/wrong or good\/bad when it comes to love. It\u2019s when love isn\u2019t present that we need rules.<\/p>\n
Loving energy<\/strong> is compassionate, kind, understanding. \u2018Right\u2019 or \u2018Good\u2019 is subjective.<\/p>\nSome believe they are kind<\/strong> by punishing, understanding<\/strong> when demanding an apology, compassionate<\/strong> when feeling pity for someone.<\/p>\nNotice what energy is\u00a0fear driven<\/strong>. Calling something good doesn\u2019t mean it is good.<\/strong><\/p>\nLove feels<\/strong> positive, blissful, passionate, intimate on a level that is\u00a0right<\/strong>\u00a0 because it will feel aligned. There is no blame, no guilt, no confusion within you.<\/p>\nThe wonderful piece when you let go of judgment?<\/h4>\n
Love keeps expanding as you grow farther away from \u2018right and wrong\u2019.<\/p>\n
Your\u00a0willingness to be open and stay curious allows you to see beyond the limited perspective of right or wrong and recognize that no one IS good or bad isn\u2019t easy.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s someone\u2019s choices not the person that can be difficult to accept and where we may disagree, but we don\u2019t have to judge them personally for what feels right to them on their soul path.<\/p>\n
People\u2019s intentions may be good, but the\u00a0fear of not being good enough, not being loved, or accepted<\/strong> combined with dysfunctional\u00a0social\u00a0conditioning,\u00a0<\/strong>a lack of experience or poor resources\u00a0<\/strong>can affect anyone\u2019s ability to make positive, healthy choices.<\/p>\nIt is not an excuse for destructive (unloving) behaviour. It\u2019s a profound awareness that allows you to see beyond your own resistance that comes with judgment.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat you resist persists, what you befriend, you will transcend\u201d. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n~Robin Sharma<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nIf you believe you are worthy, and deserving of love, that all of us are \u2013 \u00a0even those who treat us in a way we don\u2019t want to be treated \u2013 the kind of freedom to grow<\/strong>\u00a0becomes limitless<\/strong>.<\/p>\nThis is where you can experience love on levels you can only imagine \u2013 in the unfolding of who you are becoming<\/strong>. Some have not learned how to love in a healthy way.<\/p>\nWhen you begin to practice living judgment-free, the conditions<\/strong>\u00a0of right and wrong slowly begin to fade, and you become more aligned with your highest self.<\/p>\nA true freedom to be you<\/strong>\u00a0appears that finally gives you the experience of\u00a0what it means to love, and be loved\u00a0unconditionally<\/strong>.<\/p>\nWhen you start living\u00a0true to yourself, <\/strong>you are often faced with judgment, but that\u2019s not in your control, and besides, you now recognize it\u2019s just an energy that can be surrendered.<\/p>\nWho are you judging, and will you practice\u00a0letting\u00a0go of its energy that controls or condemns others?<\/strong><\/p>\nAs we release the energy of being judgmental, we will find ourselves in the expanding love of a judgment-free world.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a place \u201cbeyond right and wrong\u201d that no longer \u00a0has \u201cme against you\u201d in our homes that becomes \u201cus against them\u201d in our communities, and unfathomable conflict in the world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Are You Judging Someone? This is the question I am asked most frequently: \u201cam I judging someone if\u2026.\u201d? The vision I have for a judgment-free world began when a long-time friend I trusted judged me. I felt such a painful sense of betrayal. It taught me how to speak my mind without making someone wrong […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8320,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3378","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-criticism-judgment"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3378"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3378\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9402,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3378\/revisions\/9402"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8320"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}