{"id":3264,"date":"2014-02-11T12:15:42","date_gmt":"2014-02-11T19:15:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/\/?p=3264"},"modified":"2023-03-22T10:12:03","modified_gmt":"2023-03-22T10:12:03","slug":"why-it-is-ok-to-lie-sometimes-and-still-have-trust","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/why-it-is-ok-to-lie-sometimes-and-still-have-trust\/","title":{"rendered":"Why It Is OK to Lie Sometimes, and Still Have Trust"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cTrust is not necessary when you don\u2019t want or need anything\u201d\u2026from someone else<\/em>.<\/p>\n

~Neale Donald Walsh<\/p>\n

Myth<\/strong>: Trust is about always being honest.<\/p>\n

Truth<\/strong>: Trust is about being honest, and in alignment with yourself where you don\u2019t feel shame or guilt.<\/p>\n

I grew up believing you must always tell the truth, but as I began a path of self-discovery where I honoured what matters to me instead of trying to meet other people\u2019s expectations, needs, and desires I learned the hard way you don\u2019t always have the space to share what\u2019s true for you. Not everyone wants you to be happy your<\/em><\/strong> way \u2013 they want you to be happy their<\/em><\/strong> way. \u00a0Their ego can show up with criticism (finding fault with you based on their perspective) or judgment (contempt, blame, anger), and you have to decide: do I trust myself?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I strive to hold the highest intention of love (goodness) for myself and others. The most difficult problem we face in our relationships is that each of us is on our own path longing to be true to ourselves<\/strong>. We end up brushing up against each other along the way. Elizabeth Gilbert describes this path to happiness in our relationships in this 2 minute clip<\/a>\u00a0where her underlying guidance is generate your own\u00a0warmth (self-love)<\/strong> to avoid stabbing each other : )<\/p>\n

Trust goes beyond having to share everything with each other \u2013 it\u2019s trusting that the intention anyone holds towards you comes from a place of love, and not fear. Fear<\/strong> says \u201cyou have to tell me everything\u201d, but love<\/strong> says \u201cI trust whatever you choose to share with me is all that I need to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n

When you find those who love you unconditionally<\/strong> (who don\u2019t criticize, or judge you), there\u2019s space to be completely authentic even with those who may disagree with you. Its not about lying to hide any shame or guilt (if that\u2019s the case you are lying to yourself), it\u2019s about understanding whether a freedom<\/strong> exists to share what you know is aligned with your own well-being<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

How People Who Trust Themselves Live Authentically<\/h2>\n

Have you noticed how few people live authentically following their own heart because they trust themselves? You may find yourself having to \u2018break the rules\u2019 someone made up. It\u2019s not easy, and can be very painful. These are growing pains<\/strong> that can lead you to true happiness, that most tend to avoid.<\/p>\n

Sometimes what comes back will be anger in the form of blame, self-righteousness, and hatred that you have now created by \u2018speaking your truth\u2019. When this happens, you will be able to see very clearly what\u2019s true for you in the contrast<\/strong>, and what\u2019s true for someone else to know which way to turn \u2013 away or towards<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

So how do you live by your own truth? You tread carefully. One close friend advised to share in \u2018baby steps<\/strong>\u2018 \u2014 a little medicine at a time. It\u2019s not ok to step on someone else\u2019s spiritual path so you can get relief of any dissonance you feel needing to be authentic<\/strong> when you can see your truth will only have someone\u2019s ego<\/strong>\u00a0or unawareness<\/strong> work against them, and against you. Some are not ready to hear your truth, and it is not your responsibility<\/strong> to force it upon anyone. We do not necessarily grow at the same rate or in the same ways.<\/p>\n

Beyond the right and wrong of \u201clies\u201d<\/strong> sometimes calls for not sharing your \u2018whole truth\u2019 where a deeper trust \u2013 a love you hold stands stronger<\/strong>. We do this when you tell a child who suffers from low self-esteem<\/strong> that her artwork she is delighted to show you is \u201cbeautiful\u201d not because you think it is, but because she is beautiful, and that\u2019s the extent she can receive, and may need to hear. What you notice when you see past any definition of \u2018beauty\u2019 \u2013 is a deeper truth, that whatever she creates is beautiful because it came from her.<\/p>\n

If she had higher self-esteem<\/strong> you might say I love the effort<\/strong> you made, remark on what you did like, and ask if she wants your honest feedback if there\u2019s something you thought she might want to improve. We discern<\/strong> from the best of our ability where someone is emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to know what they can, or cannot receive in a way that will be best for their well being, while standing in your own truth.<\/p>\n

A Poem By Rudyard Kipling<\/h3>\n

When I was 11<\/strong>, I had to recite a poem called If by Rudyard Kipling (my wise mother\u2019s choice for a school assignment). At the time I only vaguely understood the words, and I interpreted the initial verse to mean \u2018never lie\u2019, but today I understand it to mean \u2013 trust yourself<\/strong> \u2014 be aligned within. Don\u2019t lie to yourself about what you know is true for you. Others may create lies about you \u2013 don\u2019t judge them for it will lead to contempt.<\/p>\n

If you can keep your head when all about you
\nAre losing theirs and blaming it on you;
\nIf you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
\nBut make allowance for their doubting too:
\nIf you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
\nOr, being lied about, don\u2019t deal in lies,
\nOr being hated don\u2019t give way to hating,
\nAnd yet don\u2019t look too good, nor talk too wise;<\/p>\n

When you allow yourself to BE YOU<\/strong> with the people who don\u2019t blame, condemn, or who can\u2019t understand because they don\u2019t have your experience, you have the ability to change the energy of those around you where they now get to BE more of THEM, and YOU get to share even more of YOU. This is how you create the deepest, happiest, healthiest connections founded in love. It\u2019s a freedom<\/strong> like no other, and the space to live true to yourself.<\/p>\n

Where are you following expectations, rules, and putting up<\/strong> with<\/strong> what doesn\u2019t ring true for you? Are you willing<\/strong> to \u201clie\u201d or not share your whole truth so you can begin to follow your heart, experience<\/strong> what\u2019s there you didn\u2019t know, and trust from within?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cTrust is not necessary when you don\u2019t want or need anything\u201d\u2026from someone else. ~Neale Donald Walsh Myth: Trust is about always being honest. Truth: Trust is about being honest, and in alignment with yourself where you don\u2019t feel shame or guilt. I grew up believing you must always tell the truth, but as I began […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[104],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-trust-betrayal"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3264"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3264\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9403,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3264\/revisions\/9403"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}