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For years, I kept hearing about the power of surrendering<\/strong> or letting it go<\/strong>, but wasn\u2019t really sure what it meant, or how it worked.<\/p>\n Until I struggled with emotions of resentment,<\/strong>\u00a0total disbelief<\/strong>, and disappointment<\/strong> when a long-time friend I loved, and trusted turned out not<\/strong> to be a true friend, I failed to see how the pain of betrayal<\/strong>\u00a0was something I was creating. It became a blessing<\/strong> in disguise giving me a transformational practice of\u00a0living judgment-free. \u00a0<\/strong>I learned the art of letting it go<\/strong>.<\/p>\n When we feel upset, angry, frustrated thinking “how could<\/strong> you?” or “what’s wrong<\/strong> with you?”…we are seeing someone based on our unique perception. What drives us crazy is that they are not meeting the expectations we’ve<\/strong> imposed. Whether you are right or wrong<\/strong>\u00a0to my utter amazement wasn’t relevant – it was my\u00a0attachment<\/strong> to it that was causing my angst.<\/p>\n Sure, we will always have\u00a0differences<\/strong> in the way we see\u00a0<\/strong>fuelled by our own<\/strong> opinions, beliefs, upbringing, and experiences. And experiencing<\/strong>\u00a0negative emotions is part of our human nature – life is filled with ups and downs. But it’s not going to serve you to hold onto<\/strong> being right<\/strong>, and making someone wrong<\/strong>. It’s a slight<\/em> distinction<\/strong> that has a massive impact on you holding destructive energy (low vibration) and sending it out to others. We fall into a trap of criticizing (blaming) or judging (condemning) someone.<\/p>\n We see<\/strong> others how\u00a0we are<\/strong> that keeps us blind\u00a0wanting circumstances, <\/strong>and other’s responses\u00a0<\/strong>to match<\/strong> our\u00a0‘reality’. <\/strong>If we communicate our disapproval <\/strong>with criticism <\/strong>or judgment<\/strong>, we expect others to change, ‘get it’, take responsibility<\/strong> for our ‘right’ way of ‘seeing’, but what they feel is ‘wronged’ – defensiveness, and separation results.<\/p>\n If someone is\u00a0open<\/strong>, they may be able to ‘see’ you, understand, expand their awareness where you can share more deeply, have discourse, come to a shifting together, but often either\u00a0their<\/strong> lens or our<\/strong> lens is blocking the ability to see <\/strong>the whole picture for a variety of reasons.<\/p>\n Someone’s words<\/strong>, and more importantly their behaviour<\/strong> will tell you exactly what they see. Pay close attention, and try to feel into what it must be like in their shoes, which are clearly a different colour, and style than yours. Doesn’t mean you agree – you are just opening<\/strong> yourself up to see, and hear through a different channel so you can respond in a way that best works for you. Most people have good intention<\/strong>s, but their\u00a0motivation <\/strong>may differ drastically to you. Letting it go with these people is even more difficult.<\/p>\n The question is: what is their underlying motivation, and is there a way to bridge the gap?<\/strong><\/p>\n Once you let go<\/strong> to accept <\/strong>(not necessarily like<\/strong>)\u00a0<\/strong>the circumstances <\/strong>to ‘be what is<\/strong>‘ or someone<\/strong> to ‘be who they are<\/strong>‘, you will effectively give space for someone to show up ‘being them<\/strong>‘, so you can create the space to ‘be you<\/strong>‘, and an authenticity and vulnerability is available.<\/p>\n Life becomes easier<\/strong>, more flowing<\/strong>, wildly fulfilling<\/strong> instead of circling in drama, nonsense, surface-dwelling, and the unending pursuit of the next best thing to make you ‘happy<\/strong>‘.\u00a0You experience<\/strong> sublime moments of\u00a0joy, connection, glorious wonder, <\/strong>including\u00a0<\/strong>ecstasy<\/b>\u00a0because you end up creating, and attracting an outer world that matches a blossoming\u00a0resonance<\/strong>\u00a0(high vibration) growing within you.<\/p>\n Here’s the struggle: our emotions<\/strong> can take over when anything we believe gets stepped on<\/strong>, or challenged<\/strong> from our character to the way the dishwasher is stacked.\u00a0Slow down, and just notice \u2018what isn\u2019t working for me, and why based on what I value?<\/em>\u2019 \u00a0You get to\u00a0control<\/strong>\u00a0how you\u00a0choose to respond, allowing you to understand how letting it go makes things easier<\/strong>. Get curious about yourself, and what you perceive as ‘wrong’ that’s bothering you. Circumstances that are now in the past<\/strong>, and how someone else behaves<\/strong> is out of your control so no use hanging on<\/strong> there.<\/p>\n Who are you? What are your beliefs\u00a0<\/strong>that affect how you feel at your core? What moves you? Is true for you? What value<\/strong> is crying out wanting to be heard? Whatever you are resisting<\/strong>\u00a0or having a conflict<\/strong> with is going against<\/strong> something you hold close to your heart<\/strong>.<\/p>\n There is a deeper\u00a0motivation<\/strong> of what you are attached<\/strong> to preventing you from letting go<\/strong>. A few places to look: 1) Past hurt or negative conditioning that puts up a wall with others 2) Your social conditioning of what is ‘right’ even though it may not be working for your situation 3) Fear of being vulnerable – avoiding disappointment (weakness), showing emotions, or admitting you were wrong (pride) 4) Your values are being stepped on.<\/p>\n 1) Your heart may be hurting from a\u00a0past wound <\/strong>needing\u00a0to feel good enough, successful, loved. It’s so easy to blame someone else for the way we feel. The problem is you can’t heal<\/strong>\u00a0by changing the outside to make you happy. It won’t last. The shift must come from\u00a0inside<\/strong> – in the direction of love (or fear) you create with yourself. Self-love, and self-acceptance<\/strong> or remain the victim <\/strong>of the outside? It’s a choice. Everything you choose to think, say and do<\/strong> will move you in one direction or the other.<\/p>\n Letting go<\/strong>\u00a0of past<\/strong> hurt requires you shift to your spirit<\/strong>, and realize that the past is no longer relevant because NOW<\/strong> you can choose to respond differently. Change your thinking to change your perspective that was taking your past and bringing it into the present. There’s a faith<\/strong> you must have that it’s possible. \u00a0Sometimes asking for divine guidance to\u00a0heal<\/strong>\u00a0or give you the strength to see<\/strong> the situation clearly is the only way to let go<\/strong>.<\/p>\n 2) Your struggle may be a belief , opinion, conclusion or assumption<\/strong> you see as \u2018right\u2019 so someone else is ‘wrong’. I grew up believing certain ways of thinking, and behaving were simply ‘right’. Some were, and some I discovered didn’t work for me I needed to let go of. Are you stressed because your ‘right’ way isn’t being followed? When someone is being self-righteous<\/strong>, they are not aware of it so remembering ‘truth’ (perception) is in the eye of the beholder opens the space to see both sides.<\/p>\n 3) The power of vulnerability<\/strong>. One of my favourite Ted talks<\/a>\u00a0by Brene Brown. Until you learn to share the real you<\/strong>\u00a0with the people you can trust – emotions, shortcomings, what’s really going on behind the mask, it’s you<\/strong> that you can’t trust, so to that extent -neither can anyone else. There will be a distance<\/strong> between you where you cannot fully connect, and experience love<\/strong> at a level available to you.<\/p>\n 4) If what you value<\/strong>\u00a0is being stepped on<\/strong>, it’s your choice<\/strong> to stand up for it, and your emotions will express this call\u00a0<\/strong>when it’s being threatened. You may feel angry, frustrated, but projecting it onto someone isn’t going to help the situation. Be very clear\u00a0why<\/strong> this value<\/strong> matters to you – trust in yourself, and determine whether or not someone has the space to listen. Sometimes others will take it personally<\/strong> no matter how you share your truth. Discern<\/strong> whether some things are better left unsaid.<\/p>\n The emotions that arise because a value<\/strong> you hold is not being met (eg. respect, kindness, neatness, hard work, health) comes from your higher (authentic & vulnerable) self<\/strong>. These are critical<\/strong> because you are ultimately responsible for defining your own happiness by living true to what YOU value that gives your life purpose, <\/strong>and meaning<\/strong>. Feeling these emotions deeply requires you to be\u00a0courageous<\/strong>\u00a0and will connect you back to who you really are (even if the emotions are painful). Let go of your fear, and own these emotions because they belong to you, and are special.<\/p>\n When you can take full responsibility<\/strong> for emotions because you recognize where it’s coming from you can now shift back into who you really are. You have given yourself the power to become free<\/strong> of whatever is happening outside of you to begin holding onto an energy of positivity, love, and trust for what matters to your highest self. You will get validation<\/strong>\u00a0because you energy will easily attract a similar resonance to create lasting, deeper, more fulfilling<\/strong> connections, and experiences. What anyone does has nothing to do with you – it has to do with them : )<\/p>\n Letting go<\/strong>\u00a0gives you a profound ability to\u00a0listen, share, teach, have discourse, and discussion with an open curious non-judgmental spirit. A vast space opens to all the possibilities of life, and what you can now create. Rules can be broken. There is no right or wrong when real\u00a0love<\/strong><\/a> leads the way.<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/address>\n\u00a0How do you practice letting it go?<\/strong><\/address>\n