{"id":3048,"date":"2013-10-18T11:26:35","date_gmt":"2013-10-18T18:26:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/\/?p=3048"},"modified":"2023-03-22T10:12:03","modified_gmt":"2023-03-22T10:12:03","slug":"de-mystifying-unconditional-love-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/de-mystifying-unconditional-love-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"De-Mystifying Unconditional Love &#8211; Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Are you willing to show unconditional love and allow for what&#8217;s <strong>REAL<\/strong>\u00a0to show up in your relationships, which frankly can get messy? There&#8217;s no\u00a0<strong>hiding, avoiding, pretending, sweeping<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>under the rug<\/strong>\u00a0until the next time.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">[typography font=&#8221;Cantarell&#8221; size=&#8221;26&#8243; size_format=&#8221;px&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of\u00a0<strong>ownership<\/strong>, <\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>which is love&#8217;s opposite<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">[\/typography]<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">~Antoine de Saint Exupery<\/p>\n<p>We have a strong tendency to want <strong>control<\/strong> in our lives that extends to the <strong>people <\/strong>around us. Love becomes &#8216;you have to BE the way I need you to so I can be happy&#8217;. This is the essence of <strong>ownership<\/strong> that takes you away from unconditional love. We become <strong>attached<\/strong> to our way needing to <strong>be right<\/strong>, and can no longer see that our ego has kicked in being <strong>controlling, demanding, expecting, imposing<em>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Love is the <strong>opposite<\/strong>. It says I want to support, champion, seek understanding from a compassionate place to allow you to be who you are, and this is what will bring me happiness. The <strong>freedom<\/strong> in this non-judgmental space is what you want others to give to you. It&#8217;s a universal desire to <strong>be seen, and heard<\/strong> for who we are without being <strong>condemned<\/strong> (made to <strong>be wrong<\/strong>), while having the space to make mistakes, and grow from them.<\/p>\n<p>It allows your well-being to <strong><em>blossom, grow, expand <\/em><\/strong>into your own <strong><em>truth<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do people <strong>love<\/strong> you where you have the <strong>freedom<\/strong> to show up fully?<\/li>\n<li>Can you <strong>be real<\/strong> with the ones that matter?<\/li>\n<li>Do you have the\u00a0<strong>self-love<\/strong>\u00a0within that no longer\u00a0needs to feel worthy, good enough, or valuable in someone else&#8217;s eyes?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Your choices for what you say and do create life experiences that are either <strong><em>constructive<\/em><\/strong> (allows you to grow towards your own happiness) or <strong><em>destructive<\/em><\/strong> (creates stagnation away from love), and only you possess the <strong><em>wisdom to know the difference<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>When fear, worry, negativity, disappointment shows up, it can be so much easier to\u00a0<strong>numb out<\/strong>\u00a0with busyness (shopping, eating, drinking, socializing), get\u00a0<strong>distracted<\/strong> in the constant media of what <strong>everyone else<\/strong> is thinking and doing to &#8220;succeed&#8221;. \u00a0I want to challenge you on the\u00a0<strong>real cost\u00a0<\/strong>to your one amazing life when you \u00a0choose to settle, accomodate, conform, sacrifice instead of following what your heart tells you is\u00a0<strong>true for your well-being.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">You give up\u00a0<strong>compassion<\/strong>\u00a0for who you are, the <strong>love<\/strong> you will\u00a0<strong>experience<\/strong>,<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">and who you will\u00a0<strong>become<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>The #1 regret of the dying: &#8220;<strong>I wish I\u2019d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me&#8221;. \u00a0<\/strong>Read\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/2013\/08\/03\/top-5-regrets-of-the-dying_n_3640593.html\">here<\/a>\u00a0for the other top 4 regrets. \u00a0When you believe you\u00a0<strong>should be<\/strong>\u00a0living by other people&#8217;s values, and ideals instead of creating your own unique experience for what is\u00a0<strong>lovingly right<\/strong>\u00a0for you, you miss out. Period. You end up following the crowd, and who knows where that leads when it doesn&#8217;t come from your own <strong>heart<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>On the flip side, if you\u00a0<strong>demand<\/strong>\u00a0others to be who you need them to be\u00a0to &#8216;make you happy&#8217; instead of being\u00a0<strong>open, and curiously loving<\/strong>\u00a0about who they are that results in <strong>them<\/strong> becoming accomodating, settling, putting up with your imposed ideals\u00a0&#8211; you take away\u00a0<strong>their self-love <\/strong>(otherwise known as<strong> self-esteem<\/strong>)<strong>,\u00a0<\/strong>and<strong>\u00a0ability to grow<\/strong>. Those who live from a place of\u00a0<strong>self-love<\/strong>\u00a0will choose to walk away from this negative energy to honour <strong>self-compassion<\/strong> over <strong>self-destruction<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">How do you know it&#8217;s\u00a0<strong>self-love and not ego (selfishness)<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>Unconditional love feels connected to your peaceful, grounded, higher self where there is no fear. <strong>Ego<\/strong>\u00a0separates you from your authentic self, and is a feeding ground for\u00a0<strong>guilt, shame, unforgiveness, criticism, and judgment<\/strong>\u00a0to thrive. You can <strong>FEEL<\/strong> the difference in your own energy. One flows <strong>positively<\/strong>, the other feels stuck in\u00a0<strong>negativity<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">The\u00a0<strong>true<\/strong>\u00a0test: your <strong>outer world<\/strong> will reflect the truth<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">that your <strong>inner world<\/strong> has created.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you have\u00a0<strong>lasting, authentic<\/strong>\u00a0connections with people you can\u00a0<strong>trust<\/strong>\u00a0who also\u00a0<strong>trust you<\/strong>?<\/li>\n<li>Do you experience unconditional <strong>love<\/strong>\u00a0where there is no attachment to conditions you&#8217;ve imposed, and where other&#8217;s ideals are not followed out of <strong>obligation, expectation, or avoiding their hurt<\/strong> because their choices are not aligned with your <strong>truth<\/strong>?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Unless each person in a relationship has a\u00a0<strong>loving space within<\/strong>\u00a0being\u00a0<strong>nurtured<\/strong>, there&#8217;s little room to\u00a0<strong>give, or grow<\/strong>. You function together trying to meet each other&#8217;s expectations in a cycle of &#8216;<strong>the way it is<\/strong>&#8216; that will feel like a constant struggle. It may be a disconnected sense of harmony, \u00a0constant frustration you&#8217;ve gotten used to, or worse &#8211;\u00a0<strong>true unhappiness<\/strong>\u00a0you&#8217;ve settled for.<\/p>\n<p>You have a\u00a0<strong>gift, a spark, a fabulous essence<\/strong>\u00a0within you. It&#8217;s up to you to find ways to cultivate it, not\u00a0<strong>depend<\/strong>\u00a0on others for it, but surround yourself with those who elevate who you are. It will expand more of\u00a0<strong>YOU<\/strong>\u00a0to give &#8211; to make a difference, and you will feel\u00a0<strong>IT<\/strong>. That part of your soul that wants to come <strong>alive<\/strong>. This is what you get to\u00a0<strong>share<\/strong>\u00a0with someone who loves you for who you are not who they\u00a0<strong>need you to be<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Outer experiences can bring us happiness &#8211; the nice home, family, career, clothes, food, sex, but underneath there is a longing for something <strong>deeper<\/strong>,\u00a0<strong>authentic, meaningful<\/strong>\u00a0with others: shared family experiences, a fulfilling career, meals you enjoy together, and sublime intimacy.<\/p>\n<p>Would people who <a href=\"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/the-foundation-of-love-an-update\/\">truly love you<\/a> want you to <strong>settle, sacrifice, and put up with<\/strong>\u00a0what doesn&#8217;t resonate with you so\u00a0<strong>they<\/strong>\u00a0can be happy? Doesn&#8217;t this sound more like the controlling\u00a0<strong>ego<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>Take a good look at what you may be settling on. You want to be in your relationships\u00a0<strong>GIVING<\/strong>\u00a0to others because you\u00a0<strong>WANT<\/strong>\u00a0to based on who someone <strong>IS<\/strong> to you, not simply to please them. \u00a0Notice if it feels like a &#8216;<strong>should&#8217; or obligation<\/strong>\u00a0instead of a true desire.\u00a0<strong>Giving and receiving comes from the heart\u00a0<\/strong>has no accompanying\u00a0<strong>conditions<\/strong>\u00a0being demanded by the other person.<\/p>\n<p><strong>What are you GIVING to your relationships<\/strong>? Am I giving or am I expecting back with my demands? When you give, there is no <strong>attachment<\/strong> to the outcome. If someone doesn&#8217;t want to receive your gift, you have a choice to make. Is this someone who sees, hears, and appreciates me for who I am, not who they need me to be?<\/p>\n<p><strong>What am I RECEIVING from my relationships?<\/strong>\u00a0Am I willing, and able to receive what someone is<strong>\u00a0authentically giving<\/strong>? Is your ego&#8217;s criticism, and judgment blocking you from receiving with your own feelings of self-righteousness, self-doubt, unworthiness, or thinking you don&#8217;t deserve it? Do you\u00a0<strong>appreciate<\/strong>\u00a0what someone is giving? Are you are putting up with or accommodating what someone is <strong>giving<\/strong> that you need to say <strong>NO<\/strong> to?<\/p>\n<p>I will say &#8220;I&#8217;m not ok with_____ because________. Here&#8217;s what I value_____. What do you think?&#8221; This may lead to alot of conflict if you are on different pages, but now you know where you both stand, and you can make healthier choices for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Will you ever be saddened, frustrated, angry, irritated about how others behave?\u00a0<strong>Absolutely<\/strong>. But these emotions belong to you not someone who&#8217;s\u00a0<strong>done something to you<\/strong>. Your emotions tell you plenty about\u00a0<strong>who you are<\/strong>, and what matters\u00a0<strong>to you<\/strong>. Take responsibility for your emotions, and be <strong>curious<\/strong> about why you feel the way you do.\u00a0Let go of trying to manage how someone feels because how they respond is out of your control, and\u00a0<strong>their responsibility<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<h3>You can&#8217;t change anyone else&#8217;s way of seeing even if you tell them.<\/h3>\n<p>Each of us are on our own spiritual path of\u00a0<strong>self-awareness<\/strong>, and when someone lives from their\u00a0<strong>ego<\/strong>, they are literally blinded by it. They cannot see or hear you from this place. Think of it as a different world they are living in. They will blame you, deny, avoid, be unable to take responsibility because they cannot yet\u00a0<strong>see themselves<\/strong>\u00a0the way you are seeing them.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of judgment, you&#8217;ll notice you have\u00a0<strong>compassion<\/strong>, but it will not serve you to maintain a relationship with someone whose fears are projected towards you in <strong>blame, and self-righteousness<\/strong>. It is not about\u00a0<strong>being right or wrong<\/strong>\u00a0&#8211; it is\u00a0<strong>recognizing the level of consciousness<\/strong>\u00a0within you, and being able to <strong>discern<\/strong> where others can <strong>see, and hear.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0It helps to remember:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>&#8220;What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.&#8221;<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">~Ralph Waldo Emerson<\/p>\n<p>You will learn to\u00a0<strong>let go<\/strong>\u00a0of those who take you away from\u00a0<strong>self-love<\/strong>, and\u00a0<strong>attract<\/strong>\u00a0those who bring you back to\u00a0<strong>who you really are<\/strong>. Unconditional love becomes a <strong>reflection of the greatest parts of you<\/strong>, and you will\u00a0<strong>see<\/strong>\u00a0the Divine light in everyone from this place no matter where they live in their\u00a0<strong>ego<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>You will gain the <strong>capacity<\/strong> to be happy for someone, and send them your blessings instead of your <strong>judgment<\/strong> even when their choices do not work for you. Love changes from a place of <strong>ownership<\/strong> to an authentic space of <strong>freedom<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><strong>Follow your heart<\/strong>\u00a0no matter what, listen to your own soul, plant seeds along the way for those who are <strong>lost<\/strong>. Surround yourself with those who resonate with your loving energy, while managing your own ego.\u00a0<strong>Be this change<\/strong>, and you will discover that\u00a0<strong>unconditional love<\/strong>\u00a0really does exist, and you won&#8217;t have any\u00a0<strong>regrets<\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you willing to show unconditional love and allow for what&#8217;s REAL\u00a0to show up in your relationships, which frankly can get messy? There&#8217;s no\u00a0hiding, avoiding, pretending, sweeping\u00a0under the rug\u00a0until the next time. [typography font=&#8221;Cantarell&#8221; size=&#8221;26&#8243; size_format=&#8221;px&#8221;] Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of\u00a0ownership, which is love&#8217;s opposite. [\/typography] ~Antoine de [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9054,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3048","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-connection"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3048","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3048"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3048\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9409,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3048\/revisions\/9409"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9054"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3048"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3048"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3048"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}