{"id":3048,"date":"2013-10-18T11:26:35","date_gmt":"2013-10-18T18:26:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/\/?p=3048"},"modified":"2023-03-22T10:12:03","modified_gmt":"2023-03-22T10:12:03","slug":"de-mystifying-unconditional-love-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/de-mystifying-unconditional-love-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"De-Mystifying Unconditional Love &#8211; Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Are you willing to show unconditional love and allow for what\u2019s <strong>REAL<\/strong>\u00a0to show up in your relationships, which frankly can get messy? There\u2019s no\u00a0<strong>hiding, avoiding, pretending, sweeping<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>under the rug<\/strong>\u00a0until the next time.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">[typography font=\u201dCantarell\u201d size=\u201d26\u2033 size_format=\u201dpx\u201d]<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of\u00a0<strong>ownership<\/strong>, <\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>which is love\u2019s opposite<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">[\/typography]<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">~Antoine de Saint Exupery<\/p>\n<p>We have a strong tendency to want <strong>control<\/strong> in our lives that extends to the <strong>people <\/strong>around us. Love becomes \u2018you have to BE the way I need you to so I can be happy\u2019. This is the essence of <strong>ownership<\/strong> that takes you away from unconditional love. We become <strong>attached<\/strong> to our way needing to <strong>be right<\/strong>, and can no longer see that our ego has kicked in being <strong>controlling, demanding, expecting, imposing<em>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Love is the <strong>opposite<\/strong>. It says I want to support, champion, seek understanding from a compassionate place to allow you to be who you are, and this is what will bring me happiness. The <strong>freedom<\/strong> in this non-judgmental space is what you want others to give to you. It\u2019s a universal desire to <strong>be seen, and heard<\/strong> for who we are without being <strong>condemned<\/strong> (made to <strong>be wrong<\/strong>), while having the space to make mistakes, and grow from them.<\/p>\n<p>It allows your well-being to <strong><em>blossom, grow, expand <\/em><\/strong>into your own <strong><em>truth<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do people <strong>love<\/strong> you where you have the <strong>freedom<\/strong> to show up fully?<\/li>\n<li>Can you <strong>be real<\/strong> with the ones that matter?<\/li>\n<li>Do you have the\u00a0<strong>self-love<\/strong>\u00a0within that no longer\u00a0needs to feel worthy, good enough, or valuable in someone else\u2019s eyes?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Your choices for what you say and do create life experiences that are either <strong><em>constructive<\/em><\/strong> (allows you to grow towards your own happiness) or <strong><em>destructive<\/em><\/strong> (creates stagnation away from love), and only you possess the <strong><em>wisdom to know the difference<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>When fear, worry, negativity, disappointment shows up, it can be so much easier to\u00a0<strong>numb out<\/strong>\u00a0with busyness (shopping, eating, drinking, socializing), get\u00a0<strong>distracted<\/strong> in the constant media of what <strong>everyone else<\/strong> is thinking and doing to \u201csucceed\u201d. \u00a0I want to challenge you on the\u00a0<strong>real cost\u00a0<\/strong>to your one amazing life when you \u00a0choose to settle, accomodate, conform, sacrifice instead of following what your heart tells you is\u00a0<strong>true for your well-being.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">You give up\u00a0<strong>compassion<\/strong>\u00a0for who you are, the <strong>love<\/strong> you will\u00a0<strong>experience<\/strong>,<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">and who you will\u00a0<strong>become<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>The #1 regret of the dying: \u201c<strong>I wish I\u2019d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me\u201d. \u00a0<\/strong>Read\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/2013\/08\/03\/top-5-regrets-of-the-dying_n_3640593.html\">here<\/a>\u00a0for the other top 4 regrets. \u00a0When you believe you\u00a0<strong>should be<\/strong>\u00a0living by other people\u2019s values, and ideals instead of creating your own unique experience for what is\u00a0<strong>lovingly right<\/strong>\u00a0for you, you miss out. Period. You end up following the crowd, and who knows where that leads when it doesn\u2019t come from your own <strong>heart<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>On the flip side, if you\u00a0<strong>demand<\/strong>\u00a0others to be who you need them to be\u00a0to \u2018make you happy\u2019 instead of being\u00a0<strong>open, and curiously loving<\/strong>\u00a0about who they are that results in <strong>them<\/strong> becoming accomodating, settling, putting up with your imposed ideals\u00a0\u2013 you take away\u00a0<strong>their self-love <\/strong>(otherwise known as<strong> self-esteem<\/strong>)<strong>,\u00a0<\/strong>and<strong>\u00a0ability to grow<\/strong>. Those who live from a place of\u00a0<strong>self-love<\/strong>\u00a0will choose to walk away from this negative energy to honour <strong>self-compassion<\/strong> over <strong>self-destruction<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">How do you know it\u2019s\u00a0<strong>self-love and not ego (selfishness)<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>Unconditional love feels connected to your peaceful, grounded, higher self where there is no fear. <strong>Ego<\/strong>\u00a0separates you from your authentic self, and is a feeding ground for\u00a0<strong>guilt, shame, unforgiveness, criticism, and judgment<\/strong>\u00a0to thrive. You can <strong>FEEL<\/strong> the difference in your own energy. One flows <strong>positively<\/strong>, the other feels stuck in\u00a0<strong>negativity<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">The\u00a0<strong>true<\/strong>\u00a0test: your <strong>outer world<\/strong> will reflect the truth<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">that your <strong>inner world<\/strong> has created.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you have\u00a0<strong>lasting, authentic<\/strong>\u00a0connections with people you can\u00a0<strong>trust<\/strong>\u00a0who also\u00a0<strong>trust you<\/strong>?<\/li>\n<li>Do you experience unconditional <strong>love<\/strong>\u00a0where there is no attachment to conditions you\u2019ve imposed, and where other\u2019s ideals are not followed out of <strong>obligation, expectation, or avoiding their hurt<\/strong> because their choices are not aligned with your <strong>truth<\/strong>?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Unless each person in a relationship has a\u00a0<strong>loving space within<\/strong>\u00a0being\u00a0<strong>nurtured<\/strong>, there\u2019s little room to\u00a0<strong>give, or grow<\/strong>. You function together trying to meet each other\u2019s expectations in a cycle of \u2018<strong>the way it is<\/strong>\u2018 that will feel like a constant struggle. It may be a disconnected sense of harmony, \u00a0constant frustration you\u2019ve gotten used to, or worse \u2013\u00a0<strong>true unhappiness<\/strong>\u00a0you\u2019ve settled for.<\/p>\n<p>You have a\u00a0<strong>gift, a spark, a fabulous essence<\/strong>\u00a0within you. It\u2019s up to you to find ways to cultivate it, not\u00a0<strong>depend<\/strong>\u00a0on others for it, but surround yourself with those who elevate who you are. It will expand more of\u00a0<strong>YOU<\/strong>\u00a0to give \u2013 to make a difference, and you will feel\u00a0<strong>IT<\/strong>. That part of your soul that wants to come <strong>alive<\/strong>. This is what you get to\u00a0<strong>share<\/strong>\u00a0with someone who loves you for who you are not who they\u00a0<strong>need you to be<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Outer experiences can bring us happiness \u2013 the nice home, family, career, clothes, food, sex, but underneath there is a longing for something <strong>deeper<\/strong>,\u00a0<strong>authentic, meaningful<\/strong>\u00a0with others: shared family experiences, a fulfilling career, meals you enjoy together, and sublime intimacy.<\/p>\n<p>Would people who <a href=\"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/the-foundation-of-love-an-update\/\">truly love you<\/a> want you to <strong>settle, sacrifice, and put up with<\/strong>\u00a0what doesn\u2019t resonate with you so\u00a0<strong>they<\/strong>\u00a0can be happy? Doesn\u2019t this sound more like the controlling\u00a0<strong>ego<\/strong>?<\/p>\n<p>Take a good look at what you may be settling on. You want to be in your relationships\u00a0<strong>GIVING<\/strong>\u00a0to others because you\u00a0<strong>WANT<\/strong>\u00a0to based on who someone <strong>IS<\/strong> to you, not simply to please them. \u00a0Notice if it feels like a \u2018<strong>should\u2019 or obligation<\/strong>\u00a0instead of a true desire.\u00a0<strong>Giving and receiving comes from the heart\u00a0<\/strong>has no accompanying\u00a0<strong>conditions<\/strong>\u00a0being demanded by the other person.<\/p>\n<p><strong>What are you GIVING to your relationships<\/strong>? Am I giving or am I expecting back with my demands? When you give, there is no <strong>attachment<\/strong> to the outcome. If someone doesn\u2019t want to receive your gift, you have a choice to make. Is this someone who sees, hears, and appreciates me for who I am, not who they need me to be?<\/p>\n<p><strong>What am I RECEIVING from my relationships?<\/strong>\u00a0Am I willing, and able to receive what someone is<strong>\u00a0authentically giving<\/strong>? Is your ego\u2019s criticism, and judgment blocking you from receiving with your own feelings of self-righteousness, self-doubt, unworthiness, or thinking you don\u2019t deserve it? Do you\u00a0<strong>appreciate<\/strong>\u00a0what someone is giving? Are you are putting up with or accommodating what someone is <strong>giving<\/strong> that you need to say <strong>NO<\/strong> to?<\/p>\n<p>I will say \u201cI\u2019m not ok with_____ because________. Here\u2019s what I value_____. What do you think?\u201d This may lead to alot of conflict if you are on different pages, but now you know where you both stand, and you can make healthier choices for yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Will you ever be saddened, frustrated, angry, irritated about how others behave?\u00a0<strong>Absolutely<\/strong>. But these emotions belong to you not someone who\u2019s\u00a0<strong>done something to you<\/strong>. Your emotions tell you plenty about\u00a0<strong>who you are<\/strong>, and what matters\u00a0<strong>to you<\/strong>. Take responsibility for your emotions, and be <strong>curious<\/strong> about why you feel the way you do.\u00a0Let go of trying to manage how someone feels because how they respond is out of your control, and\u00a0<strong>their responsibility<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<h3>You can\u2019t change anyone else\u2019s way of seeing even if you tell them.<\/h3>\n<p>Each of us are on our own spiritual path of\u00a0<strong>self-awareness<\/strong>, and when someone lives from their\u00a0<strong>ego<\/strong>, they are literally blinded by it. They cannot see or hear you from this place. Think of it as a different world they are living in. They will blame you, deny, avoid, be unable to take responsibility because they cannot yet\u00a0<strong>see themselves<\/strong>\u00a0the way you are seeing them.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of judgment, you\u2019ll notice you have\u00a0<strong>compassion<\/strong>, but it will not serve you to maintain a relationship with someone whose fears are projected towards you in <strong>blame, and self-righteousness<\/strong>. It is not about\u00a0<strong>being right or wrong<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 it is\u00a0<strong>recognizing the level of consciousness<\/strong>\u00a0within you, and being able to <strong>discern<\/strong> where others can <strong>see, and hear.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0It helps to remember:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>\u201cWhat you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">~Ralph Waldo Emerson<\/p>\n<p>You will learn to\u00a0<strong>let go<\/strong>\u00a0of those who take you away from\u00a0<strong>self-love<\/strong>, and\u00a0<strong>attract<\/strong>\u00a0those who bring you back to\u00a0<strong>who you really are<\/strong>. Unconditional love becomes a <strong>reflection of the greatest parts of you<\/strong>, and you will\u00a0<strong>see<\/strong>\u00a0the Divine light in everyone from this place no matter where they live in their\u00a0<strong>ego<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>You will gain the <strong>capacity<\/strong> to be happy for someone, and send them your blessings instead of your <strong>judgment<\/strong> even when their choices do not work for you. Love changes from a place of <strong>ownership<\/strong> to an authentic space of <strong>freedom<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><strong>Follow your heart<\/strong>\u00a0no matter what, listen to your own soul, plant seeds along the way for those who are <strong>lost<\/strong>. Surround yourself with those who resonate with your loving energy, while managing your own ego.\u00a0<strong>Be this change<\/strong>, and you will discover that\u00a0<strong>unconditional love<\/strong>\u00a0really does exist, and you won\u2019t have any\u00a0<strong>regrets<\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you willing to show unconditional love and allow for what\u2019s REAL\u00a0to show up in your relationships, which frankly can get messy? There\u2019s no\u00a0hiding, avoiding, pretending, sweeping\u00a0under the rug\u00a0until the next time. [typography font=\u201dCantarell\u201d size=\u201d26\u2033 size_format=\u201dpx\u201d] Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of\u00a0ownership, which is love\u2019s opposite. [\/typography] ~Antoine de [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9054,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3048","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-connection"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3048","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3048"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3048\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9409,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3048\/revisions\/9409"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9054"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3048"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3048"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3048"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}