Love Versus Fear<\/a>\u00a0to recognize the difference.<\/p>\nHow do you distinguish between the\u00a0loving energy<\/strong> within you that holds your own truth<\/strong>, and where your ego<\/strong> has created a barrier<\/strong> pushing you away from experiencing what is the most beautiful, exquisite experience you can imagine: unconditional love. <\/strong>It applies to\u00a0any\u00a0relationship: \u00a0partners, parent-child, siblings, friends, even colleagues, and work mates.<\/p>\nHave you tasted the freedom with those you can just be yourself with completely, and still be loved?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nYou’ve heard it before – show unconditional love to yourself. Let go of beating yourself up with your inner critic<\/strong>, and self-judging voice<\/strong>, and have compassion, understanding, and a genuine caring<\/strong>\u00a0towards\u00a0YOU<\/strong>. This is the biggest barrier – you getting out of your own way. Sounds simple to love yourself, but I assure you it is not.<\/p>\nYou choose<\/strong> your thoughts. \u00a0You can either be critical, and judgmental or loving – it’s a powerful\u00a0CHOICE <\/strong>you make every day. It’s easy to justify criticism, and judgment, and call it loving. Notice the destructive energy, and emotion you hold when you make someone WRONG<\/strong> with your ideals – blame, find fault, be defensive, feel guilty – it’s not loving energy.<\/p>\nWhen you condemn others you condemn yourself. When you condemn yourself, you put up a barrier to the love within.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nSelf-love<\/strong> requires following your heart<\/strong> even when loved ones are not on board. It means trusting your truth <\/strong>when it can feel selfish<\/strong>, but where it is really self-care<\/strong>. It demands doing what works\u00a0<\/strong>for your\u00a0well-being<\/strong> at the cost of hurting, saddening, angering, or disappointing someone because standing in your truth<\/strong> gives you the power to live authentically<\/strong>.\u00a0\u00a0It also gives others permission<\/strong> to show up, and will\u00a0inform\u00a0<\/strong>you of whether to stay, distance yourself, or walk away completely.<\/p>\nThe real “work”<\/strong> in relationships is co-creating a\u00a0trusting<\/strong>\u00a0space to provide a sacred place to\u00a0grow<\/strong>\u00a0into your highest being\u00a0together\u00a0<\/strong>through the\u00a0ups and downs <\/strong>you share <\/strong>instead of following the status quo\u00a0<\/strong>to maintain a surface harmony<\/strong>.\u00a0Our greatest struggle: listening to your loving\u00a0wise inner voice, <\/strong>and distinguishing it from\u00a0your ego’s fearful voice\u00a0<\/strong>so you can t<\/strong>rust <\/strong>the correct one back towards love.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nYour authentic\u00a0voice<\/strong> is affected by your unique\u00a0‘inner committee’<\/strong> conditioned by your family, culture, friends, work, “religion”, books, media \u00a0– you choose<\/strong> to listen to – telling you what you\u00a0should think, do, believe<\/strong>. Separating your voice from these voices is the first step to decide what beliefs to keep, and what to toss.<\/p>\nOne of mine growing up was ‘don’t waste your time’<\/strong>, which was tied to a value of “productivity means success”. Getting things done was highly rewarded. It had me multi-tasking, and in busyness\u00a0DOING<\/strong>\u00a0instead of finding my own pace, my own values, where I could focus<\/strong>, and be present<\/strong> in my relationships.<\/p>\nAre you willing<\/strong> to walk through whatever discomfort\u00a0<\/strong>shows up when you begin to follow YOUR authentic voice <\/strong>to\u00a0honour \u00a0your highest\u00a0well-being<\/strong>?\u00a0It will connect you to the Divine<\/strong> fragment\u00a0that is\u00a0LOVE<\/strong>\u00a0that exists in all of us (some call it the Universe or God) that your intuition recognizes you don’t have to seek<\/strong> from anyone else or any material reward.<\/p>\nLoving energy feels\u00a0grounded, good, and truthful<\/strong>\u00a0for YOU. It is\u00a0BEING YOU <\/strong>connected to your light<\/strong> within, and what gives you\u00a0passion, purpose, and ALIVENESS\u00a0<\/strong>to share with others. Love comes back to you\u00a0abundantly<\/strong>\u00a0when you have it to give. \u00a0You cannot give what you do not have within.<\/p>\nThe real barrier to experiencing unconditional love is the criticism and judgment you hold towards yourself, and others that shows up when differences arise<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\nHow do\u00a0you<\/strong> react to any conflict that appears due to your differences?<\/strong>\u00a0Are you coming from your higher self<\/strong> or your ego<\/strong> when you fight or feel a disconnect with someone?<\/p>\nHow does\u00a0the person in relationship with you<\/strong>\u00a0respond when there are differences?<\/p>\nUnderstanding, curiosity, compassion is your higher self.<\/strong><\/p>\nCondemning, blaming, finding fault is your ego.<\/strong><\/p>\nNotice your energy. Is it constructive or destructive? You don’t have to be happy about it. You can be sad, angry, frustrated – these are your real emotions to own, but projecting your anger onto someone else in contempt, blame, or the stony silence of resentment escalates the conflict, and creates separation. Accomodating, and “putting up with” keeps your truth hidden for the next time where it can feel even more painful unless you’ve numbed out with distractions.<\/p>\n
Imagine a space where NO ONE GETS TO BE WRONG<\/strong>. What’s possible here? A whole lot of authentic connection<\/strong>. It does get messy, and difficult, but the growing pains will give you strength<\/strong> to create what you truly want.<\/p>\nYou each need to\u00a0earn the right<\/strong>\u00a0to share what’s vulnerable by showing up in your higher self<\/strong>. It creates a safe space. If one side lives from their ego<\/strong>, the conflict cannot move forward. When you become<\/strong> this change for someone, you open up the space for them to follow.<\/p>\nSharing your genuine experiences through your eyes<\/strong>\u00a0needs a\u00a0loving, understanding, open<\/strong>\u00a0space to land on BOTH<\/strong> sides. It does not mean you will necessarily agree, but are willing to see and hear<\/strong> each other.<\/p>\nDo you recognize your ego’s energy of criticism, and judgment (making each other wrong) when differences show up? Here’s how:<\/p>\n
Do you \u00a0criticize<\/strong> (find fault) with correcting <\/strong>someone by pointing out that they should _______ as if they are broken<\/strong> needing your fixing<\/strong> instead of whole<\/strong> needing your\u00a0teaching?<\/strong><\/p>\nDo you\u00a0convince others why<\/strong>\u00a0your ‘right’ way needs be accepted feeling disappointed, hurt, and angry when the someone doesn’t agree with you?<\/p>\nDo you blame or condemn<\/strong> with your judgment<\/strong> by controlling<\/strong> or trying to change<\/strong>\u00a0someone to meet your right<\/strong> conditions?<\/p>\nDo you avoid<\/strong>\u00a0situations out of defensiveness \u00a0<\/strong>from your own anger, and self-righteousness (instead of seeking understanding<\/strong> of where someone is coming from)?<\/p>\nDo you give the silent treatment <\/strong>where you stone-wall the other person preventing any dialogue from taking place, and hold onto resentment<\/strong>?<\/p>\nDo you\u00a0live in the victim ‘poor me’ mentality<\/strong>\u00a0with self-criticism<\/strong>, or\u00a0self-judgment<\/strong> feeling not good enough or worthy? Your ego says “Why is this person with me? \u00a0I don’t deserve him\/her – they are going to leave me (fear). “My child\/co-worker\/parent should<\/strong> listen to me – I don’t deserve this treatment after everything I’ve done for them”. Do you behave in a way where others are made to feel guilty<\/strong>?<\/p>\nYou may have reached indifference\u00a0<\/strong>where you’ve grown so accustomed to each other having both given up parts of yourself \u00a0(accommodating) to meet the other’s expectations<\/strong> that your relationships feel\u00a0stagnant <\/strong>or on the surface <\/strong>with little depth, meaning or fulfillment. Any\u00a0ALIVENESS and PASSION<\/strong> may feel missing that was once there because you’ve stopped growing, and living true to your self.<\/p>\nA few strategies on how<\/strong> to speak to those you are in conflict with to not make them wrong:<\/p>\n1) Avoid ‘you should’, ‘you never’, ‘you always’<\/p>\n
2) Avoid beginning with You<\/strong> in general. Use I<\/strong> statements to share how YOU are feeling instead of telling the other person what’s wrong about what they are doing. \u00a0“I feel sad, frustrated, angry when I hear you say or do…”, “Here’s what is not working for me….how do you see it?”<\/p>\n3) Be curious like a child about the other person’s different way. WHY are they reacting that way? ASK about it from a place of total wonder.<\/p>\n
4) Give space to listen, and ask for space to be heard.<\/p>\n
You will uncover<\/strong> how you see the world, and how someone else does, and can now work through together<\/strong> how to best be with your differences.<\/p>\nWhen your\u00a0ego<\/strong>\u00a0requires your right conditions<\/strong> be imposed on someone else for you to be happy (others are meeting your expectations to avoid your disappointment, hurt, anger) or you accomodate, sacrifice, conform, put up with<\/strong> what doesn’t work for you to make someone else happy, the opportunity to learn and grow with each other disappears<\/strong>. \u00a0There’s a sense of being trapped, stuck, or going in circles.\u00a0Love becomes based on the\u00a0conditions<\/strong>\u00a0of\u00a0right<\/strong>\u00a0you hold\u00a0against<\/strong>\u00a0someone making them\u00a0wrong.<\/strong><\/p>\nThe\u00a0honeymoon period<\/strong>\u00a0initially where you are willing to please the other feels like no cost at the time, but\u00a0eventually<\/strong>\u00a0is not\u00a0sustainable<\/strong>\u00a0because unless it includes living true to yourself<\/strong> – you will feel suffocated wearing a mask.<\/p>\nOnce you remove this energy<\/strong> from your relationships, a space opens up for you to be REAL<\/strong> where you have the courage to be vulnerable, to hear ANYTHING<\/strong> being said (positive and negative<\/strong>) that allows both sides to grow.<\/p>\nSome things are better left unsaid, when the ego<\/strong> is unable to receive it in a constructive<\/strong> way, and it’s up to you to have the self-love<\/strong> to honour your own truth with those you can share it with, and maintain a degree of privacy<\/strong>\u00a0with those you cannot so you can\u00a0grow <\/strong>into who you were meant to become<\/strong>.<\/p>\nTrue Unconditional love<\/strong>\u00a0allows you trust that each of us must follow our own spiritual path back to love<\/strong>, and away from our ego<\/strong> holding the intention for each other’s highest good.<\/p>\nThere is a state of consciousness<\/strong> \u00a0you are living in right now. \u00a0It can be witnessed by the experiences you are having. Does it feel like you are moving against<\/strong> life in a constant struggle instead of flowing<\/strong> with life that includes ups and downs you are learning, and growing from? Is there a part of you that feels empty, or longing<\/strong> for something you can’t put your finger on?<\/p>\nNext week: Part 2 \u00a0of De-mystifying Unconditional Love:<\/a> avoiding the #1 Regret of the Dying: Not Living True to Your Self.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Do you believe in unconditional love? There seems to be a widespread acceptance that love in our relationships will inevitably become “I need to say and do ______ to meet someone’s expectations, not irritate, sadden, hurt, disappoint, or anger someone”. And vice versa…“you should be, need to be, must be ______ or I won’t be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[79,93,102,109,62,110],"class_list":["post-2946","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-connection","tag-authentic-relationships","tag-conflict","tag-disappointment","tag-expectations","tag-love","tag-self-love"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2946","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2946"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2946\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9410,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2946\/revisions\/9410"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2946"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2946"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2946"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"love](\"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/love-without-conditions.png\")
<\/p>\n