{"id":2909,"date":"2013-09-06T11:40:30","date_gmt":"2013-09-06T18:40:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/\/?p=2909"},"modified":"2023-03-22T10:12:04","modified_gmt":"2023-03-22T10:12:04","slug":"avoiding-disappointment-with-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/avoiding-disappointment-with-others\/","title":{"rendered":"Avoiding Disappointment with Others"},"content":{"rendered":"

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When you put\u00a0time and energy<\/strong> into someone whether it’s in the form of positive intentions, gift giving, staying in touch or doing anything for someone you care about or want to please, but what you receive back isn’t what you expected, <\/strong>and avoiding disappointment<\/a> seems challenging?<\/p>\n

In our lives we create our experiences based on the values, and beliefs<\/strong> we hold. If someone or something is important to you, you<\/strong> will make an effort. A choice that\u00a0belongs to you<\/strong>, but if you begin to impose<\/strong>\u00a0your\u00a0why, and how<\/strong>\u00a0onto someone else, expect<\/strong> them to do things, and react to situations exactly the way you do, it will lead to anxiety and you need to know how to face that disappointment in the right way<\/a>. \u00a0They are not you<\/strong>. Yet this is what our ego<\/strong> tends to do: expect others to see, hear, and behave our right<\/strong> way.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one else has access to the world you carry around within yourself; you are its custodian and entrance. No one else can see the world the way you see it. No one else can feel your life the way you feel it.\u201d<\/strong><\/i><\/p>\n

~<\/i>\u00a0John O’Donohue<\/p>\n

It is our ego<\/strong> that keeps us from avoiding disappointment because it’s created expectations<\/strong> of how others should<\/em><\/strong> behave – notice disappointment feels like a heavy weight within you that pulls you away from your sense of well being<\/strong>. It disconnects you from your true self<\/strong>. So give up all expectations<\/strong> of others? Yes! Let go of what you need others<\/strong> to be, say, or do to make you<\/strong> happy. Other people cannot make you happy. Happiness is based on your<\/strong> ideals, and what defines happiness within you<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

The real question: who<\/strong> do you want to share YOU<\/strong> with? Life is too short to spend time and energy with people who drain you, and don’t give you the space to show up authentically<\/strong> where you can be your best self. Do you communicate<\/strong>\u00a0your ideals effectively so the people you care about understand who you are, where you are coming from, what matters to you, and what you really mean? Do they care to listen?<\/p>\n

Are you<\/strong> willing to listen and understand<\/strong> their ideals in the same way? Do you care? Our different ‘ways’ do not have to be the same – this is how we learn, and grow from each other, but when our values<\/strong> conflict, you must be willing to find a compromise founded on the intention<\/strong> of both wanting the other to be happy from within themselves. It starts with you “being<\/strong> the change you wish to see” knowing that..<\/p>\n

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” <\/strong><\/em>~Gandhi<\/p>\n

You may believe you are hurting, disappointing, saddening or angering<\/strong> someone, but you don’t have the power to do this! You are the keeper of your own emotions based on what matters to you. How someone else responds is not within your control.<\/p>\n

Pay Attention to Your Energy<\/h2>\n

Your higher self<\/strong> knows whether a connection with someone brings you up<\/strong> or brings you down<\/strong>. Pay attention to your energy – does it feel at peace, grounded, and joyful? You will feel genuinely sad or angry with someone when one of your values is being stepped on, and these emotions connect you back to your higher self<\/strong>, but the energy of\u00a0guilt,\u00a0<\/strong>accommodating, settling, putting up with, being needy to fill a hole in you<\/b>\u00a0is your ego<\/strong> keeping you stuck.<\/p>\n

Choosing to listen to someone who complains<\/strong> regularly because their general outlook is ‘poor me<\/strong>‘ feels exhausting to anyone. This differs from choosing to give<\/strong> a friend space to vent<\/strong> periodically to help them clear their negative emotions. Be mindful of your intention for listening – is it guilt<\/strong> or is it giving<\/strong>?<\/p>\n

When you simply anticipate<\/strong>\u00a0or look forward to<\/strong> any moment without expecting it to be a certain way to make you happy knowing this feeling is based on your values that belong to you not someone else<\/strong>, you can\u00a0surrender<\/strong> your expectations of others\u00a0<\/strong>to allow life to be what it will be. Winning or losing becomes your genuine experience of joy or sadness, not a fear of success, or failure. Along the way there’s space to learn, and grow without the need to stress about ‘what if…’, worrying about the future or holding onto the past.<\/p>\n

Take a friend who is regularly late<\/strong>, and you find yourself waiting<\/strong> for them. You value<\/strong> being respectful of someone ‘s time so choose to be on time regularly, or you may rarely run late keeping to a tight schedule. Your time management skills may be highly developed. Whatever the case, \u00a0its simply not a priority for this friend to ever be on time.<\/p>\n

Knowing this, do you hold resentment<\/strong> because they need to be like you, so feel annoyed, and stressed<\/strong> about what time makes sense for you to show up, and angry<\/strong> about having to wait<\/strong>? Or do you accept<\/strong>\u00a0(not necessarily agree with) how your friend functions, and you can choose to arrive late to minimize your waiting time, or you arrive on time, and bring a great book because you value<\/strong> the friendship.<\/p>\n

This friend’s life may be such that being on time is a real struggle for them. \u00a0It doesn’t matter the reason: it’s about them<\/strong> not YOU.\u00a0Do you accept (not necessarily agree) that this is who they are<\/strong> or will you be disappointed, angry, frustrated, or hurt<\/strong>? Is your anger really masking blaming<\/strong>\u00a0for the choices they make in their life? Or is the anger a genuine feeling because of what you hold as value that is being stepped on within you (being late)?<\/p>\n

Take Responsibility for Your Reactions<\/h3>\n

YOU<\/strong> taking responsibility for your reactions, and not imposing the underlying values onto others allows<\/strong> you to let go of having expectations<\/strong> of others. You can live in the present moment instead of feeling like you need to\u00a0correct, convince,\u00a0control, or try to change others<\/strong>\u00a0to be your right way. This is where you begin the practice of living judgment-free.<\/p>\n

When you let go of your expectations<\/strong>, and tap deeper into what’s true for you<\/strong>, what you will genuinely feel, and take responsibility<\/strong> for are your emotions that connect to your values<\/strong>. Disappointment<\/strong> is closely tied to blame<\/strong> (you are the cause my hurt), which separates you from yourself and others, keeping you stuck. Genuine sadness (value of missed friendship), anger (your value being stepped on), even loneliness (value of connection) brings you back to your true self when you allow these emotions to be felt, and you can move forward.<\/p>\n

When you put\u00a0time and energy into someone whether it’s in the form of positive intentions, gift giving, staying in touch or doing anything for someone you care about or want to please, but what you receive back isn’t what you expected, and avoiding disappointment seems challenging? In our lives we create our experiences based on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mo_disable_npp":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,58,59],"tags":[102,109],"class_list":["post-2909","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conflict-communication","category-faith-letting-go","category-freedom-forgiveness","tag-disappointment","tag-expectations"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2909","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2909"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2909\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9411,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2909\/revisions\/9411"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2909"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2909"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/carolynhidalgo.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2909"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}

Bryon Katie<\/a> says, “If I had a prayer, it would be this: ‘God spare me from the desire for love, approval, and appreciation<\/strong>. Amen’.\u201d\u00a0You no longer need to seek these desires from others because when you hold love, approval, and appreciation for yourself (live true to your own values<\/strong>), you can let go of all expectations, and simply be yourself <\/strong>where you will attract all the love, approval, and appreciation you need without expecting<\/strong> any of it : )<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"