Before I talk about self-managing your ego, a quick update…
I’ve been on summer vacation with my kids enjoying life at the cottage, and trying to squeeze in time to read, write, coach, and connect with you all! Here’s to beautiful moments, and all the wonderful memories you’re creating this summer : )
I do a lot of self-reflection, slowing down, and just ‘being’ up here. When I look back at the last 4 years since I became a coach, everything has changed, and nothing has changed. I see myself on an inner journey of re-discovering who I am as I go forward with new life experiences -learning, growing, expanding, all the while returning home to who I’ve always been.
“All that is important is that you are true to you, for you are the only one that can give you the life you desire, and were born to live.” ~Archangel Michael
Our planet is going through an awakening – a shift you may be feeling now. I’m finally reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, a book I’ve had on my shelf (the last 4 years), but wasn’t ready to “hear” just yet. It describes the increasing raising of consciousness around the globe with a massive focus on the EGO. Today, I cannot even tell you how the words ring my ‘truth bells’ and flow through my entire being of understanding.
The ego is a complex ‘thought form’ that’s part of our SELF we each must self-manage or it can trap you in it’s thinking that creates conflict, struggle, and suffering. We end up taking things personally, get stuck, and hold on when we need to let go.
I happened to come across an article of the 7 ways best-selling author Wayne Dyer offers to help with self-managing your ego:
1) Stop being offended.
2) Let go of your need to win.
3) Let go of your need to be right.
4) Let go of your need to be superior.
5) Let go of your need to have more.
6) Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements.
7) Let go of your reputation (do not let others define you).
Easier said than done, right? HOW do we do this? By shifting your intention.
“Change the way you look at things, and the way you look at things will change.”
Wayne Dyer, author of The Power of Intention
Here’s how I’ve learned to manage the above 7 parts of my ego – an on-going practice! It has not only changed how I see, the way I listen, and the experiences I notice weren’t available to me before – it also allows me to create my life in a way that resonates with who I am, who I want to become, and the difference I can make with the people in my life. And, it can also help you in self-managing your ego.
1) Feeling offended happens because we believe someone has ‘wronged’ us. Is this true? Was it intentional, or are they simply being who they are from their own state of consciousness (not right or wrong)? Is it about you or about them? When we believe others intentionally hurt or offend us, we give them power over us that isn’t real. You unknowingly allow someone to take over your free will to choose how you want to respond.
Have you ever intentionally hurt someone? Most times, people ‘know not what they do’ when their choices hurt others because their ego has unknowingly taken over. How do I know? I began to notice the outer world of the people who take things personally, end up hurting others, experience patterns of wonderful people disconnecting from them. Who would intentionally choose this path?
2) The win/lose paradigm. There’s doing your best – pushing your own boundaries of what’s possible that you did before, and there’s being attached to needing to win when ‘losing’ sends you into complete despair, anger, depression, or self-loathing. Competition can be a motivating force, but where it separates us from our loving self, compares ourself in self-judgment, imposes on others with a ‘need to win’ – it’s ego. Losing can feel awful, sad, painful and can be detrimental to your efforts in self-managing your ego. These are real vulnerable emotions that allowing yourself to feel paradoxically gives you the strength to keep going, and rise to your next challenge.
3) The right/wrong paradigm. Needing to be right, and making others wrong. The basis for criticizing and judging ourselves, and others. Focus on the choices of what you say and do based on your values, and let others do the same. Your ego needs to be right by imposing your ideals, but your authentic self recognizes that everyone has their own idea of ‘right’, and transcends to the place of deeper understanding where love flows, and inner peace exists no matter how different you look at the world.
4) Being superior sees others as inferior. This is what it means to judge someone that creates contempt, hatred, loathing. I am better, you are worse as a person. Sure I may better at certain skills, aware of more things, but you may be better and more aware of other things. We are the same – spiritual beings having human experiences. No matter what the balance of ‘better and worse’ in the outer things we can do or have – we all want the same thing: to be seen, heard, and loved for who we are. Understanding this simple fact can encourage you in self-managing your ego.
5) The attachment of needing to have more is an endless cycle, and there is nothing wrong with striving for more. You can experience different things that can be more enjoyable. It’s the false belief that what’s external to us: both material things, and people are the source of our happiness that brings discontent, and a futile search for something outside that can only exist within. Connecting to your inner loving self in a state of ‘I am enough’ without needing more allows you to experience joy in every moment with the people you love, and the things you choose to enjoy.
6) Our ego attaches itself to identifying our ‘achievements’ with who we think we are. It says you are great because you achieved _________. If you don’t achieve _______ you are worthless or less or not good enough. Let go of the ego’s self-judgment, and achievement is something to be proud of for what your true self accomplished by applying yourself in your own growth, dedication, and desires. It allows you to be happy for yourself, and for other’s achievements instead of feeling jealous or in competition.
7) What someone thinks of you is their opinion – a right everyone is entitled to have (positive and negative) based on what they believe to be “true” according to their understanding. It’s not necessarily who you are, and we have no control over those who choose to misrepresent us with their ego. Only you know who you really are. Those you love, trust, and allow to connect with your authentic self will also know you. These are the ones who matter. Others will define you according to what matters to them — their values. You have your voice, your path, your values to live by that when you choose to follow will lead you to your bliss.
These simple tips shall be helpful in your “self-managing your ego” efforts.
