Living from love not fear requires self-management of our ego’s ‘inner critic‘ that finds fault, and your ‘inner judge‘ that condemns. Making ourselves, and others wrong fills our world with drama, gossip, and unnecessary conflict.

It’s based on an underlying fear striving to avoid “I am not _____ enough, and won’t be loved unless I’m________ .  Some far reaching ideal instead of an acceptance that no matter what lessons we need to learn, and grow from, you are already whole, worthy, and deserving of love.

Your ego says “what’s wrong with you?” It is the experience of going over  in your mind I could have, should have, would have if only I______ with an energy of blame, punishment, and regret…STOP, slow down, and recognize this is the ego attacking your well-being.

Believe there is a higher purpose for everything that happens (it may not be pleasant), but ask yourself ‘what is the gift I can take from this experience?’ Lean into your own self-love to assess what could have, should have, would have happened differently had I________ with an energy of compassion, understanding, and support so you have the space to learn, and grow.

Feel the energy here, and recognize this is the love you deserve because none of us are wrong in a given moment- we’re human, and we make choices that do not always serve us. It does not mean absolving responsibility, but apologizing when we’ve consciously or unconsciously chosen a destructive or hurtful path.

When you practice living from a place of self-love  you’ll begin to develop a stronger, healthier spirit where you don’t beat yourself up knowing all we can ever do is our best.  You may feel sad, bad, angry, whatever emotion that expresses your own disappointment with what you chose.

Your emotions help you to recognize your own values that are being stepped on. You are upset for a reason – what is it for you? A strong work ethic you didn’t hold yourself to? Respect for someone you lost in a moment of anger? Kindness you didn’t give when someone didn’t follow your ‘right way‘? Use your emotions to stand up for your values instead of allowing your ego to punish, and blame.

When others mis-step in their lives based on how they understand the world, doing their best, how do you treat them? With blame, punishment, and anger or compassion, curiosity and understanding? Are they willing to listen? Do they take responsibility for their behaviour when it is destructive or do they justify, or make excuses?

I’ve heard the EGO described as “Edging God Out“, and I couldn’t agree more.  Allowing the ego’s voice to dominate your thinking creates the experiences of guilt, resentment, unworthiness, blame, and unforgiveness.

There is a light, a God fragment, a spirit of love within each of us. Some call it our soul. When we lose our connection to this part of us, love gets blocked by our ego.

The tricky part about our relationships is not only managing our own ego, but understanding where someone else lives in their ego. Often when we are in conflict, our egos are fighting with each other! If one person is unable to see their ego, and condemns you, your best choice is to walk away because it becomes destructive to you.

The ego has you believing you know everything, are superior to others, and you become blind to only your way of seeing where you will be imposing your will certain you are right. You will unknowingly show up as demanding, controlling, and self-serving. Those who live from this place do not realize their true impact on others, and why people turn away from them.

A spiritual friend described the ego as the culmination of pre-determined thought patterns that lie within you from your emotional experience based in fear. We choose our own thoughts, but how we think is affected by our painful experiences, which is why blaming is futile. How can you blame someone who is living from their own pain? What they need is healing, but this path can only be self-initiated, not imposed.

What difficult memories do you hold where you see yourself as a failure (beating yourself up) allowing that ‘thought pattern‘ to determine your choices today? Where do you play the victim (it’s all my fault/poor me/blaming yourself) fearing it will happen again if you don’t put up that wall of false protection your ego has created?

Your ego will tell you – be afraid, stay safe instead of trusting you can step into your own fear, take responsibility to change direction towards being vulnerable.  You can be authentic here – BE YOU with your own experience, and make the mis-steps you need to live true to yourself where the ups, and downs show up, and can be embraced. 

You will find yourself experiencing deeper love on all levels of your mind, body, and soul when you practice creating a space where no one gets to be wrong – the ego is not present here, and love without conditions or love without fear for others finally shows up.

If you found this article valuable, please share the love - thank you!