Deepening Your Connections this Holiday

Are you looking forward to spending time with your friends and family over the holidays? And, deepening your connections? Can you share what’s really going on in your life or is it mostly surface talk?

Last week I celebrated one of my favourite times of the year – our annual Xmas tea with my self-care sisters. The sandwiches are to die for (thank you Brenda!), homemade scones, shortbread, and jams..it’s over the top Yummy, but the best part?

Spending time with friends where I get to BE ME. There is genuine laughter, tears, fun, sharing, and an indescribable feeling of love emotionally and spiritually that goes beyond the surface into vulnerability with a deep sense of caring,support, and championing each other. We share our struggles, and our celebrations. Our hopes, fears, and dreams.

How do you create this level of connection with the people in your life? I didn’t always have these friendships, but it began when I started looking within, letting go of how I thought I should be, let go of the fears of what anyone thinks, and instead followed my heart into what I loved most, valued, and honoured for what matters to me.

Here are some simple steps for deepening your connections…

1) Get curious about people. Notice their energy -is it negative and complaining? Notice your energy – is it negative and complaining? Let go of any of that energy within you first, and avoid people who choose to constantly criticize. It’s draining, and creates drama.

2) Hang out with people who are open, and non-judgmental. It will shift your energy to a higher vibration of love and connection, and attract people to you because when you stop criticizing and judging, you become someone people can trust – people feel safe with you because you accept them as they are.

3) Be genuinely interested in everyone. We all have what’s ‘really going on’, and what we tell people. Most don’t share deeply because we are to afraid to ask and sound ‘too personal’. Let it go. Most don’t share because no one asks. Ask, and you may be surprised at how deep a conversation will go. If they don’t want to share, they won’t. If they think you’re being nosy, their energy is critical, and you need to do step 1) avoid these people.

This does work for ‘family’ too with the caveat that ‘social norms’ have been established, and the space is smaller to play in. There are ‘rules and expectations’ to follow unless you want to risk conflict so tread carefully..criticism and judgment tends to be strongest here, and you may choose not to want to face that. Family likes us to be ‘happy’ their way. Notice if you are critical of them, and let it go. Notice what happens.

We ‘sisters’ chose a theme for 2013. For me its Focus with a balance between BEING and DOING. I used to be all about getting things done, and discovered I wasn’t living in the present moment. Then I shifted way over to BEING – massive personal growth, self-awareness, and huge transformation. I want to bring these together for 2013 to help people live more authentically in their relationships – just BE YOU. There’s such freedom here!!

My ‘sisters’ chose simplicity, balance, staying grounded, and contribution. Any of these ring true for you? Where are you now? Are things where you want them to be? What’s working and not working? What’s coming up for you that you want to put your attention on in 2013? Where your intention, and attention goes, energy flows, and things will flow to you in amazing ways.

Try asking someone this holiday who you are genuinely interested in – what one word describes a shift you want to make in 2013? Share how you are working on deepening your connections this holiday…

P.S. If you haven’t seen my new video sharing my message of becoming judgment-free, please take a peek here