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I was reflecting on my own journey as a woman in a ‘man’s world’, and thought about why it’s taking so long for men and women to be treated equally. I also wondered how this day of celebration for women striving for equality came to be? The first recognition of a “National Woman’s Day” was on February 28, 1909 in New York City organized by a woman activist named Theresa Malkiel. I’m guessing you probably hadn’t heard of her either. Theresa was the first woman to rise from factory work to leadership in the Socialist Party of America. There was a Socialist Political Party in the U.S standing up for women over a century ago, and today we’ve evolved to have Trump leading the U.S.? Sometimes it can feel like things are going backwards. With that first National Celebration, women around the world were inspired to organize for their rights, which eventually became International Women’s Day on March 8th, 1911. So why are women still at such a disadvantage in so many parts of the world when an entire century has passed? To this day only 6 out of our 195 countries (3%) give women equal legal work rights as men according to The World Bank that measured gender discrimination finding only Belgium, Denmark, France, Latvia, Luxembourg and Sweden scored full marks. My Own Journey as a Girl in an Unbalanced World.. I was fortunate to grow up in a beautiful suburb of Toronto with parents who practiced medicine, but it felt unfair that my brothers were allowed to do things like play at their friend’s homes, or attend sleepovers while my sisters and I were not. We were told it’s “because you’re a girl”. It didn’t make sense until I reached my early teens, and learned about sexual abuse, and rape. Apparently, some men do these things? I had to accept “that’s the way it is”, and women needed to protect themselves. Over the years I’ve been silently stunned at what humanity has accepted when it comes to the treatment of women. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Centre, 1 in 5 women will be raped in their lifetime (1 in 71 for men).  Does this statistic feel as incomprehensible to you? Having been brought up to never walk alone after dark anywhere if I can avoid it stuck with me because of these statistics, and what I hear goes on in my own city. The #MeToo movement felt like a tipping point had finally been reached. Women are willing, and have some limited space now to stand up without being as judged, and call out what’s clearly unacceptable treatment. It still feels awfully slow. Gender Equality in My Working World I didn’t experience gender inequality in the workplace. I started out my career working my way through the accounting world at Price Waterhouse, and as I rose to a VP position at Ricoh Canada, I was not treated differently because I was a woman. Truly appreciating the fight for women’s rights in the ‘60s and ’70s not having faced gender discrimination was more about awareness for me. I couldn’t relate from my own experience. It wasn’t until my children arrived that I became a lot more invested in the world they were growing up in. I would later share Emma Watson’s amazing “He for She” speech at the United Nations to help them understand gender inequality they too have not faced. It helped they were Harry Potter fans! How a Career Change Woke Me Up Spiritually Becoming a mother became my full-time career while pursuing writing, and getting certified as a life coach, and later working as a spiritual life coach. I became very drawn to the ‘mind, body and soul’ inner work. For me, spirituality was something that unified us, while religions seemed often to divide us. Spirituality is our consciousness waking up to the higher divine part of ourselves that includes basic ideals – like men and women being created equal. The understanding that as creative beings, we can create the highest experiences (most true, beautiful and good) of our lives by ‘co-creating with spirit’ has been the most powerful wake-up call. By leading from this higher part of ourselves, we can lean in closer, and live what we know to be true. That the divine part of us sees men and women as equals. The Impact of Women Being Unrecognized As a Distinct Group The realization that men and women have inhabited this planet for 2.5 million years, and it’s only in the last century that women have begun having a voice, and rights as equal human beings feels absurd. The impact of men and women not being valued equally affects all of us in ways you may not recognize. Gender discrimination affects basic safety that’s built into our products including cars. According to a 2011 study of more than 45,000 crash victims over 11 years, researchers from the University of Virginia found women are 47% more likely to suffer severe injuries in car crashes because safety features are designed for men. There’s also a “gender health issue” because test trials are often done in the pharmaceutical industry based on the ‘average male’ that can cause pain, and even death for some women taking recommended doses, but not designed for the typically smaller female body. This recent article shares the Sad Truth for Women Stil Living in a Man’s World Where the Masculine and Feminine Fits In When I began diving into spirituality, I began hearing a lot about masculine and feminine energy. That we have both kinds of energy within us – the masculine (results-oriented, assertive, active, fact-driven), and the feminine (nurturing, giving, intuitive). Because of our hormonal differences, women generally have the more dominant feminine energy with naturally many variations across the board. We are, after all, the carriers of life if that’s a choice we want, so it helps to be nurturing! Given our history of women not holding equal status for millions …

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We’re all familiar with the idea of giving thanks, but feeling gratitude is a more powerful creative force than you may realize. Gratitude reflects a spiritual law that pervades our universe: What you give comes back. What goes around comes around. You reap what you sow. We can easily say thanks and believe we should be thankful given what we have – a roof over our head, great food, our health, education, and surrounding friends and family. But feeling grateful after the fact is really just an acknowledgment of what’s already been given that you appreciate. To practice gratitude requires being pro-active not just reactive. Gratitude flows from a Source within us that holds the key to creating those experiences in the first place. I call it working from the inside out (co-creating with your unique divinity), instead of the outside in (responding positively to what’s already happened). Being in gratitude is one of the ways you can create what you want. It’s an energy you are holding vibrationally that says “I feel good with who I am and what I have”. Living in gratitude requires bringing your inner light to your life areas, and in service to others. I’m remembering a song I grew up with… “You Light Up My Life”…it was one of the few simple songs musically that I could play on the piano! “And you light up my life You give me hope to carry on You light up my days And fill my nights with song Rollin’ at sea, adrift on the water Could it be finally I’m turning for home Finally, a chance to say, “Hey, I love you” Never again to be all alone” ~Joe Brooks   Love songs can bring up thoughts and feelings about the kind of love you’re seeking out there from someone, but this love is already within you. I call these “thought adjuster songs” or “divine fragment” songs because you can substitute listening to seeking love from the outside to seeking love from the inside. See if you can discover the love songs that resonated for you from your past, and you will re-connect to the love within you. You are loved. You are never alone. You are already home. When you feel this kind of gratitude for the true essence of love that you are, you can give from this part of you. What comes back will be the same energy in many forms. It applies to all the little things in every area of your life. Your Home If you put loving energy into the care of your home (as opposed to complaining about all the things that aren’t the way they should be) – what comes back is that feeling of “home being where the heart is”. It’s most noticeable when you return from a trip and your home space gives you that warm, familiar unmistakable comfort. You literally feel thankful to be home! Because you’d already given your light of love to this space, now you’re simply returning back to that energy. Notice how different this feels compared to simply feeling gratitude that you have a house that provides a roof over your head. Your Body When you take care to mindfully put food into your body & give it the exercise it needs to thrive – your body will respond to function in all the ways you want. You then feel gratitude for how you cared for your body, and what it allows you do movement-wise! You feel amazing IN your body. Giving respect and care to your body as opposed to judging it for how it’s not is the secret to feeling grateful for whatever shape your body holds. How often do you think good thoughts about your body? Can you look in the mirror without any clothes and honestly say “I love my body”. It’s very hard to feel gratitude for your body if you don’t love it already. Intimacy The more you love and feel grateful in your body, the more your body naturally responds to intimacy. Loving yourself where you feel aligned in your own light – at ease in your own skin means everything flows . It’s the greatest turn on for that special someone you give your love to. Your Mind and Soul Your mind needs stimulation of what’s true, beautiful and good according to you so you feel alive in your soul. What are you nourishing your mind with every day? How often do you spend time in the beauty of nature to lift your soul? This 10 minute  talk on gratitude is a great reminder of our connection to Nature’s beauty and the human connection that fills your soul. Are you paying attention to who and what you allow into your field? The quality of the media you plug into, what you read, and the people you hang out with, all make a difference to how you experience gratitude. Just having enough is not enough and life is not about having more. You know people with very little who are grateful for so much, and those with so much who can’t seem to find gratitude for what they have. Gratitude is about tapping into a feeling of thankfulness you carry no matter how much you have or what conditions you face. By giving to YOU – YOU are receiving from within. This affects your soul’s vibration, and what comes back. Giving and receiving within our mind, body and spirit affects our home space, friends, family, and health. Feeling gratitude is really about you giving from a grateful you. When I can give from the place of a grateful loving heart, what comes back will feel remarkable, and will be more than enough.

We talk about valuing transparency, but baring our soul? That sounds scary. Yet the day comes when a difficult conversation needs to be spoken and you need to speak your truth one way or another. How Learning to Speak Your Truth Helps Learning to live your truth and speak your truth from your soul breaks through existing walls, and serves your highest and best self regardless of any painful immediate outcome. Pursuing what’s of the highest good for yourself contributes not only to the life you were meant to flourish in, but also to a more progressive collective consciousness. Sharing what resonates as true for you especially when it’s not easy to say is one of the most powerful ways we grow with others. A universal spirit of “truth, beauty and goodness” exists within your soul that you can consciously connect with to help navigate difficult conversations in a healthy direction forward. The catch is – it almost always comes with some angst we need to be willing to sift through. Yes – our own soul growth that sometimes can feel like a tornado! It requires having a little faith. The Dynamics of Soul Interaction At the soul level, we are all teachers and students in our interactions that continuously changes hands.  Just as parents initially think they are teaching their children, it gets clear pretty quickly that it’s also the other way around. Same is true for bosses and their staff, teachers and their students, coaches and our clients. There’s a dance of taking on both roles during our most difficult conversations we need to reach the other side in a better place. When we find ourselves tangled up in a sticky situation where we don’t own our own truth, we can get blocked with a grudge, pride, resentment or worse: self-betrayal. If you do not find a way to release this toxic energy, its low vibration will bear on your soul in hidden ways that affect your mental, emotional & physical well-being. We all know stress in all its forms can slowly or suddenly take your life. The Greatest Challenge: Imagine a painful situation where you’ve felt misunderstood or inappropriately treated. You’ve taken reflection time to know where you stand. You know what you want to say, but are you ready to face the messy, possibly ugly consequences of someone else’s response to your truth? Perhaps you’ve already said some things that didn’t land well. Speaking from your soul ensures you won’t have regrets because you speak your truth, it is your truth. How someone else responds is simply a choice you need to be prepared to allow for. 8 Practices for How to Speak Your Truth from Your Soul 1. Start with The End in Mind: Serenity The reason we’re speaking up is to clear something that feels unresolved and still hurtful. We can’t avoid pain, but we can heal our hurt. We know our emotional reactions can get in the way of misunderstandings, or saying things we regret later. One key to avoiding unnecessary drama is sorting out internally what’s genuinely coming from our soul versus falsely coming from our ego’s need to control, demand or lash out to protect itself from further hurt. The “18 ” longest journey” from our head (mind) to our heart (what rings true for your soul) requires moving from our fears where our ego has become self-destructive over to our soul that knows what’s true, beautiful, and good for us. To speak from our heart, we need to be connected to our soul. Are you going into a conversation from a place of serenity that can handle whatever gets erupted on the other side without falling apart in despair of going into any form of attack? I don’t mean not having any emotions – I mean taking your emotions and using them as weapons. There’s a big difference here. In our world, meanness has sadly become normalized by too many in authority and influential positions. The impact is devastating. Chances are you will feel genuinely angry, frustrated and sad as everything surfaces about what’s real for you, but if you have not developed solid footing to hold space for both sides while moving just a little bit forward – you can end up making it worse for yourself, and someone else. Have you built the inner strength (maintaining dignity, decency, and respect) to handle whatever the reaction may be? Think worst case scenario, and still being able to come back to your peace. Here’s a practice I’ve used to build our inner foundation: It begins with the Serenity Prayer.. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. ~Reinhold Niebuhr Next, turn it around into an asking and listening practice. In the early morning when everyone is asleep, take 5 minutes to ask these questions in silence: • What do I need to accept that I cannot change? • What can I change I need courage for? • Where am I unclear about what I can & cannot change that’s left me feeling stuck? Trust, and listen deeply for an answer. At first, it will sound like your thoughts popping in. With practice, you’ll intuitively hear ideas, inspiration – wisdom pouring in from a place beyond your ‘thinking mind’. Every single person has this capability to hear intuitively. Grab a journal, and write down what comes to mind or reflect on what shows up. Is there any action you’re feeling called to do? Pay attention to any sensations you feel in your body to indicate that you are indeed hearing from a higher source. I get consistent vibrations in my hands and solar plexus area now whenever I’m in this space of “asking and receiving”, but it feels different for each of us. Over time, this is one practice can help you reach a “peace that surpasses all understanding” you’ll need …

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Have you ever wondered what it takes to have our children’s spiritual health in its best form? My children are my greatest priority. I know I’m not alone here. What I didn’t know was the importance of our children’s spiritual health. Being able to hear their inner voice directly affects their well-being, and happiness. We all have a universal need to feel seen and heard for who we are. I’d often hear “you’ll have more time when they’re older”.  My twin girls graduate from high school next month, and it is still where I spend the majority of my time and energy – directly or indirectly. My children’s spiritual health and their emotional/mental well-being has been my #1 responsibility. I’ve taken it seriously because one day when it was time to let go, I wanted them to fly without me knowing I’m always here if they need me. We are extremely close not because of the actual time we spent together, but the time it’s taken to learn how to be present with them for who they are, not who I expect them to be. It’s been thousands of conversations. It has been filled with far more joy, connection & laughter than sadness & tears. It has disappeared much too quickly as I was warned it would. At a recent talk on mental health and well being, one of the speakers shared: “20% of Canadians at some point in their life will have a mental health problem, and shockingly 70% of them developed this issue in childhood and adolescence. If we could reach these children earlier, think how much suffering we could prevent”. ~Dr. Janet Patterson, MD In caring for my children all these years, I discovered the importance of taking care of my soul – my own spiritual health. Was I present enough for the moments that have come and gone at all their different ages? Did I give them the foundation of what they need to create a life of their dreams? The stress and anxiety our children feel these days have hit levels beyond what’s comprehensible. It seems to be coming in from all directions regardless of education, financial status or cultural background. So much we all want to accomplish in a highly competitive world in such little time. I try to remember to focus on who I want to be, and less on what I want to do. The increasing teen suicide rates continue to floor me. It shows up casually in conversations: “2 students in my program took their life” a friend of my son shared the other day. I was asking how she was found her first year in engineering – was it tough to handle the stress? I grew up with parents who didn’t stress out. They are remarkably 2 of the calmest people I know. I think it’s one of their greatest secrets to all they accomplish. They gave me the foundation, and faith that “everything would be OK”. There was also a clear cultural voice of what was expected. But it’s your soul that is the compass for what’s most valuable to you. It highlights what’s meaningful, and purposeful – it starts with a passion, and ends up feeling like a calling pushing you forward. It requires a pause. Taking time to listen so you can hear yourself, and each other. I had to learn how to listen from my children’s perspective without criticism or judgment. It’s not easy, and an ongoing practice! Until I could hear what was really going on inside of them, I couldn’t see how to adjust my words, tone, and guidance to meet them where they are so they could hear me. Most of us aren’t talking on the same page with our children – what we say is not what they hear and what they say we cannot hear. Here’s 18 Practices I used to help hear their true voice and work on my children’s spiritual health: Give them the space to be themselves. If they didn’t want to talk, or having a melt down – leave the space, but come back to resolve it. Be approachable, and available when they need me. Parent each child differently for each soul is different. One approach didn’t work for all. Some need more attention, and reminding than others. Trust that in every moment they are doing their best, and that I am too, no matter what $&@ is hitting the fan –  it isn’t being done intentionally. Use guidelines that include the WHY so they know the values being crossed. Why I cared about anything was known. Avoid punishment, which only creates fear not self-discipline. They were never grounded and nothing was taken away to ‘teach them a lesson’, but they still learned them. Learn how to listen from their perspective by being curious, and noticing also what’s not being said. Say yes as much as possible, and no when necessary. Teach them that they responsible for their words, and actions – that their thoughts become things. Remind them often of the golden rule: imagine how you’d feel if…” Ask instead of tell; stay away from lecturing. They eventually tune you out if you yell, or keep telling them what to do. Engage instead of demand. Show up with kindness, and mutual respect not a ‘toughen up” approach. Be authentic, and vulnerable so they feel safe opening up. Slowly share what’s going on in your world as age appropriate to role model how you want them to be. Avoid complaining, and no blaming. Be someone they can trust so they can learn to trust themselves. Stand up, and speak your truth kindly, but firmly even if it means someone gets offended or takes it personally. Apologize if you mess up. My girls turn 18 this year (my son is 19) – it’s taken years to practice all these well, but I can hear their voices clearly now. Wisdom along the Way.. I remember sitting on the edge of my daughter Leah’s bed as …

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It’s one of the most important spiritual practices of all: the art of being fully present. The greatest most enduring leaders have this ability of making you feel like you are the only one in the room. You feel seen and heard, and your entire being feels lit up.  We know this experience when we get together with the kindred spirits in our lives. Time disappears as you effortlessly move into the magical space of being present. We can feel stressed at holiday time for many reasons. Maybe it’s knowing you’ll be spending intimate time with certain individuals that can be difficult. Perhaps you’ve faced a devastating loss whether a job or a loved one, and just smiling feels hard.  You may be overwhelmed in all that needs DOING around the holidays, but want to find a way of BEING in your peace, and joyful connection no matter how busy you are, and who you’re with. It may sound impossible, but it all begins with the practice of being fully present. There’s a different quality of stillness here that is not just about feeling gratitude or journaling. Nor is it only about mindful meditation clearing your mind of busy thoughts. Being fully present is a special combination of being in your stillness non-judgmentally while connected to a divine internal source that carries you through your life adventure. Having Faith At this time of year, we are asked to stand in a much bigger truth about each other. That there’s a collective consciousness no matter what devastating confusion we see happening in our world, and our communities.  We have to trust that we are all on a path moving forward – ascending as time ticks by. It requires that we lean into a sacred place that holds a faith beyond what we see and hear so we can learn to be present with those around us.  The noise coming from outside can be very disturbing, especially these days where we have access to all that’s going wrong in our world with a click of a button. It can make us dwell on what’s wrong in our own space or call us forward. It’s challenging to seek out the light between the spaces, but unless we first become present within, our own wholeness can’t honour what’s in this moment. Being present this holiday within your own inner circle can move mountains because your energy is like a signal out that spreads – no matter how big or small, it has the same powerful force. Learning How to Be Fully Present One winter day, I was driving through my neighbourhood with my 3 children fast asleep in their car seats. I suddenly noticed how beautiful the newly fallen snow looked on the trees lining the street. I sighed.  Did it always look this stunning, and I never reallynoticed? It took my breath away. I’d missed this feeling of presence with nature for how many years? It was a seed of discovering how to be present. A sense of awe connected to a greater whole that lives in nature – it was just the beginning. The Greatest Gift You Can Give When you are fully present with someone, you can reach way over into someone else’s space by listening nonjudgmentally with genuine interest from your soul-mind. It has that same sense of awe, but with another soul.  It requires a step away from our analytical mind that loves to make assumptions, and draw conclusions from the smallest pieces of what we do see and hear. Our true presence listens openly to someone’s different truth where both your experiences are right for you even if you disagree. There’s a deeper trust you reach having faith in someone that holds the present space for you both. The greatest gift you can give is allowing someone to be seen, and heard for who they are. It’s a sacred experience when ALL OF ME can be with ALL OF YOU.  Living Your Truth  Being present means becoming more and more aligned with what’s true for you. You can trust yourself because your outer experiences start reflecting back to you what you most desire without you having to demand, control or go chasing after it.  Small moments of hearing what you long to hear. Feelings you didn’t know were inside you to feel. Unexpected surprises you want, but aren’t outwardly asking for.  You no longer feel offended or upset by how others show up. What others say and do is about them with their own truth. It doesn’t mean you agree or condone everything – you simply find that way to be in the moment not resisting life. Most of us are looking for truth, and problem solving in the wrong direction – outside ourselves when the real answers can only be found inside. What you’re drawn to see, and hear in the global media of news, and entertainment is a reflection of what’s seeking answers inside you.  Pay close attention here – it’s not the other way around. That movie was great? A song rings your truth bells? A book brings fun, distraction or insights? The career you’re in? The activities you enjoy? Choices you think you’re making. It’s not these things that draw you in to choose them – it’s what these are pulling out of you that resonates, and keeps bringing them into your space.  It’s the same with the people you have surrounding you : )  Your Tribe You are not so much choosing who you surround yourself with – your energy attracts them to you. If you don’t have amazing people right now in your life you can trust, notice what energies you bring that aren’t aligned with who you are. Wherever you are pretending, holding back, not speaking what’s true for you will mirror what comes back in the people around you. If you struggle with someone in your life, something in them is showing a part of you that needs healing or growing.  The more …

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I couldn’t tell you what authentic connection meant until I found myself taking an on-line writing course 14 years ago. My mind was saying “what are you doing, you’re an accountant?!” That was the beginning of discovering through my own authentic connection how the healthiest relationships could develop. By healthy, I mean the kind where I can now be unapologetically honest, laugh uncontrollably, occasionally tear up, we can talk for hours non-stop, I get warm fuzzies because this person lights up my soul, and both of us learn, and expand from our connection. Most importantly – there’s no judgment. That means no taking things personally. I have the freedom to be all of me. Basically, the level of intimacy is through the roof.  Time and distance no longer matter. With those closest to you, there will be some anger, frustration, and disappointment, but healthy relationships have space for conflict that allows the ‘truth of all you are’ to show up for your soul’s growth. No beating around the bush or hiding behind a mask here. Perhaps this sounds like a tall order for our relationships, but we get what we settle for, and when it comes to all the people you choose to spend your precious time with – I urge you not to settle. Discovering Your Authentic Connection First Finding my own personal authentic connection started me on a wildly unexpected journey into my own relationships, which I thought at the time were just fine! We don’t know what we don’t know.. The health of your relationships is defined by the energy you have inside to give.  Is it fearful or loving? Insecure or whole?  Apathetic or passionate? Reactive or curious? Disengaged or interested? The closer you connect to your ‘higher vibration’ authenticity, which is your personal version of what’s true, beautiful, and good on your particular adventure  – the more you have to give in healthy ways. Authentic Connection => Healthy relationships => Love Flows in As I started giving from my own increasing authenticity, I noticed the depth of my conversations began changing with friends & family members who’d say goodbye with a huge hug, and “I love you”. At first, it felt like the strangest thing. What comes back from your authentic connection is a matching vibration of someone else bringing their authentic energy, and that undeniable, undefinable thing called love flows in at new levels. Healthy relationships blossom. It can be one conversation or a lifetime connection. What’s awesome is what’s authentic varies all over the map to create the relationships you want most. What It Takes to Live More Authentically To get here, I had to stop doing what I thought was expected, and face disappointing or angering someone. It didn’t mean stepping all over people’s toes, but learning when, and where it was appropriate to say, and show up with what was true for me. You will discover someone’s authenticity by being vulnerable, and genuinely curious about other people. Over time, your authentic energy will invite people in without any words – your presence feels safe to others when you are true to yourself. I needed the courage to fail, doubt myself, look stupid, and let go of some people along the way. We’re all on our own authentic path, and the degree to which you can trust yourself here makes a difference. There are no Guarantees It doesn’t matter what you give – someone else can mistrust, demand, pull back, get annoyed, take you personally, even judge you!  For the first time, my choices pissed some people off, and I had to be OK with that. Their opposition reminded me that I was living by my own rules, and you cannot please everyone. But when you are both in your true nature – you can oppose, and still love. The Feeling of Authenticity – Joy versus Happy As you begin doing more of what makes your heart sing that feels right for you – you’ll discover signs about your own true nature that were there all along. Why a particular song resonated. Mysterious things you were drawn to. People that made an impression. Experiences you long for. Whatever brings you joy is authentic to you, and happy is not the same as joy. Happiness can fade when we’re seeking it from the outside, while joy is everlasting because we become it first, which brings lasting happiness to us in the unique way we desire. Authentic connection takes you on an inner spiritual journey of attuning to your inner light, which is the spark for developing your healthiest relationships. You become transparent with yourself first and foremost. No denying, or pretending that this is working for you when it is not. If you are not experiencing full on JOY, LOVE & LAUGHTER where your soul feels alive in your closest relationships, your authentic light is still waiting to be ignited. 10 Steps to Your Healthy Relationships through Authentic Connection 1) Trust yourself for what feels aligned. Whatever feels joyful, fun, easy, loving – follow that bliss. 2) Notice the little things you used to enjoy or what you long to experience (like dancing, getting away for a night, staying up with a friend until 2 am with a bottle of wine, making love in the moonlight, painting, singing, going after your dreams in some small way..). 3) Be ready to question WTF you’re doing actually following your bliss (people will think you’re crazy, including you), but trust and go with it anyway. 4) Release any guilt for doing what brings you joy. Other people are responsible for their joy. Remind yourself that you have more to give from this place. 5) Expect to be pleasantly surprised with signs and synchronicities that keep becoming more frequent, and unbelievable because when your soul lights up, magic happens. That’s the universe teaming with guides, spirit helpers and your Creative Source on your side. 6) Create healthy boundaries. Limit time & energy spent with anyone including long-time …

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Saying “I was wrong” is never easy, but why asking for forgiveness is difficult has several reasons. You’ve had a conflict with a loved one. You know you’re in the wrong at least partly. Despite an innocent intention, what landed was hurtful. You feel bad, want to reach out, but the words aren’t coming. Even when it feels like the right thing to do. During any confrontation, we often react without thinking, especially in heated arguments where raw emotions and angry words are flying high. You may recognize how you could have handled it better, but it’s a far cry from admitting “I’m sorry – will you please forgive me?” Admitting fault implies “I was wrong, and you were right”, which isn’t how you feel when you’re still carrying anger and hurt. After all, look at how they treated you! Navigating Our Different Truths In any battle, there is rarely ever a clear right or wrong. Instead, there are 2 different experiences of truth that are not syncing and has escalated to a place where forgiveness is needed. The biggest culprit that gets in the way of asking for forgiveness? Our need to exercise control. It’s human nature to need order, but there’s a toxic mix of needing to be right by being controlling that fosters drama, pain, and unforgiveness. How Control Becomes Unhealthy Most of us grew up in environments filled with uncertainty and imposed rules. We had to navigate through family and social expectations often being criticized while trying to find our own sense of control. No one wants to be told how to behave according to someone else, and the dance was to create the freedom to be ourselves. We’re not told how needing control can damage our relationships, and that a healthy version of having control requires a special practice when it comes to people that’s more about managing and trust. Controlling behaviour impacts our ability to let go, and ask for forgiveness. With the need to control comes 2 related behaviours that are very hard to recognize within ourselves, yet can be easily dished out to others: judgment, and blame. The cycle of control, judgment, and blame is what makes asking for forgiveness difficult in these 7 Ways: 1) It’s easier to see someone else as wrong, but not ourselves. Studies show that when others make a mistake, we’re more likely to blame them using internal attribution factors such as their personality. However, when we’ve made a mistake, we tend to use external attribution or the circumstances as the cause. It’s a strange phenomenon, but it means we tend to judge people for their mistakes and blame the situation for ours! There’s an inherent resistance to admitting you are wrong. What might that mean about you? Could it be you’re mean, lazy, or selfish? Who’s willing to admit they’re a terrible person? It could certainly jeopardize your sense of worthiness, and ability to control. 2) It’s hard to take responsibility when we feel attacked because we get defensive. Taking ownership over our part isn’t easy when we’re feeling like someone did something to us. Even if it wasn’t intentional, when we feel attacked or controlled – we immediately become defensive. If you think it was intentional, you’ll justify your defensive behaviour! “She was rude to me!” is a classic defensive reaction. Most people aren’t deliberately trying to offend you. They may be in a foul mood, stressed or dealing with any number of life’s challenges that’s making them controlling. It’s not about you, but we react as if it is because someone is unkindly making it about you. If you’re treated badly, standing up firmly for yourself is different than attacking back in defensiveness. I call this “taking someone personally” instead of being curious (or confused) about why their energy feels attacking. Here are a few ways defensiveness appears. You.. send the nasty email lash out with name-calling hang up on someone slam the door berate someone with yelling respond with indignation or disdain to shame or guilt someone impose your expertise implying you know better point back out their bad behaviour Blame is now in the air, and trying to ask for forgiveness is next to impossible here. 3) If you’re demanding an apology, slow down – this is still controlling behaviour.  Someone may certainly be deserving of an apology, but it’s not going to come from it being demanded. The ‘ability to respond’ or take ‘responsibility’ can only come from within not without. It’s the same way forcing discipline doesn’t work – what you want to teach is self-discipline. Once you let go of the need for an apology, you are releasing blame which opens up the space to self-examine the part you played. Take a deep breath, and ask yourself: what responsibility can I take? What am I not seeing? What way did I show up that isn’t my highest self? Maybe you trusted someone that isn’t trustworthy. Perhaps you’ve justified being defensive. Could you have allowed hurt emotions to attack from pain that still hasn’t healed? Your core values (respect, decency, trust) may have been stepped on, and toxic self-righteousness is keeping you stuck. Letting go of controlling how someone needs to apologize helps open the door to asking for forgiveness. 4) We misunderstand what forgiveness means. Asking for forgiveness may feel like we’re excusing what we did, (or letting someone get away with what they did). Perhaps you feel tremendous guilt, and don’t think you deserve to be forgiven. It’s as if you should have known better, and a sense of punishment feels needed. But asking for forgiveness means taking a stand for your part without blaming or shaming yourself. Forgiveness is not about the other person – it’s about freeing yourself of self-judgment so you can take responsibility however big or small, and allow someone else to do the same. 5) Asking for forgiveness May Not Get the Response You Want. It takes 2 to tango in love and war. We may …

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I grabbed ‘Care of the Soul’ by Thomas Moore from my pile of books to read for our recent family trip to Sedona. Thomas starts with.. “The great malady of the 20th century, implicated in all our troubles and affecting us individually and socially, is loss of soul.” I’ve been savouring the chapters as you might a fantastic glass of wine. When words hold that quality you can’t describe, you know it’s touching into a part of you that is now waking up. It’s what felt missing in my life over a decade ago  – the importance of soul development. The concept of your soul is difficult to grasp even in the softer world of life coaching. It wasn’t until earlier this year that ‘soul relationship coach’ finally felt like the right description for how I work with clients these days. I help them reconnect with this part of them that was lost to tackle whatever challenges, stresses, and issues they are facing, especially in their relationships. Soul relationship work is the core of what I’ve noticed creates wonders in our lives. I was raised to approach life with “here’s the problem, and here’s how you fix it. DO that, and all will be well.” It worked for a good part of my life, and it’s still my ‘go to method’ for some things. But we, in our relationships don’t work this way.  It’s closer to ‘soul practice creates perfection’ and less about ‘try this practical solution’. Soul work is about planting seeds, readiness, seeking, and curiosity. Transformation happens the way nature unfolds – miraculously. Suddenly the flower is there, but all along it needed nourishment. We all have different lessons with our own soul answers. It’s hard to care for our soul when most of us have difficulty defining what our soul even is. So, what is the Soul? The soul is the energetic loving essence of our true self that’s eternal. It’s the part of you that is accumulating valuable life experiences needed for your spiritual growth, and ascension career. There’s an eternal life beyond this one that as an ascendant soul being you are moving along! It matters how your soul evolves here because your experiences form what you will carry on your path forward. We encompass different energies – mental, emotional, physical, but it’s our spiritual energy that is the most important aspect of ourselves, and our greatest internal power. When you pay attention to your soul, you’ll notice it longing for the things you cannot quite put your finger on: purpose, serenity, bliss, love. It’s these intangibles in our material driven world that are critical to our overall health, and well-being. If you struggle with finding meaning in your days, or don’t heal the wounds that show up in this lifetime, it can affect your soul’s progress. We develop ‘unresolved energies’ or ‘unfinished business’ that manifest as stress, pain, and drama that will need to be cleared one way or another often in the form of forgiveness or releasing judgment. A Soul Compass There’s guidance to experience what lights up our soul known as the “Trinity of Being” – Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. I first learned of this concept from a group of celestial teachers in 2010 known as “The Circle of Seven”. Yes, invisible beings – I had to practice stretching my own faith back then! I was guided to their messages after finally following the sign “11:11” that showed up too many times to ignore. (As I typed that, I see the word count is 1111..keep writing, they whisper). The Trinity of Being provides a compass for soul progression where you will start to reflect the perfection of your Divine nature. In a very real way, your outer world will start reflecting this inner map of: Truth, Beauty and Goodness The Circle of Seven describe this Trinity as follows: “Truth will become ever more apparent and the understanding of it will become clearer and more defined..your spiritual ears will develop; you will hear the voice of your indwelling with greater clarity; and you will learn to trust your intuition when unseen guidance points the way.” Beauty. “With respect for body, mind, and soul, you will become more beautiful in every way..your very aura will shine with greater luminosity. Your personality will become magnetic, and your fellows will be drawn to this inner beauty.. You will acquire a new appreciation for all things beautiful: nature, art, music, poetry, philosophy, and other virtuous expressions of higher human consciousness.” “Goodness will be the banner of your presence..You will communicate the goodness of the Father to others by becoming a living example of His unconditional love. Goodness and love freely given will be reflected back unto you.. Gentleness, humility, and self control will transform the nature of self from what you were, to what you will become as God purifies the soul through the building of strong character.” “Truth, Beauty, and Goodness is the Trinity of Being and becomes the very embodiment and reflectivity of God likeness.” ~The Circle of Seven A Few Examples One of my clients, Jodi is a photographer whose ability to capture precious moments comes from an essence of her soul that embodies this Trinity. It’s unmistakable when you know her deeply. You hear it in the richness of her testimonials: “You have such an incredible ability to capture the MAGIC. I’m actually speechless about how organic and beautiful these images are. These are exactly what we were envisioning. Thank you thank you thank you for being YOU! We love you!” Can you think of someone you know who brings something so entrancing that it takes you to a place that feels almost surreal? That’s a part of their soul connecting with yours. My dear friend Sonali is another example where I can feel this essence in her paintings, and through her beautiful friendship. Her process of painting includes visualization where she can feel the colours, and see the images while experimenting with different …

Why Care For Your Soul? Wisdom from Sedona & Beyond Read More »