Uncategorized

Judgement and Forgiveness — Judgement: Step 2 of Forgiveness

2 Comments / Uncategorized / By

In my last blog Finding Forgiveness I talked about judgment and forgiveness. And I also discussed what prevents us from forgiving, and how transcending judgment–looking beyond what is right/wrong or good/evil is a critical first step before you can shift into the energetic space of compassion required for forgiveness.  I explained that judgment of someone happens when we stand in a superior place attached to the attitude of ‘being right’, and seeing someone else as inferior, and how this destructive energy ends up coming right back to you. I’ve successfully coached clients around the topic of judgment and often their experiences are remarkably similar: they are often bewildered and surprised that they suddenly feel less stressed and their connections with others deeper and more fulfilling. I talked to everyone willing to discuss judgment; read countless books and comments on forums paying close attention to how judgment is interpreted. On a personal level, my most enlightening experiences have been the most painful–those of being judged by individuals whose intentions I trusted, and arriving on the other side with a new found inner trust, and heightened sense of consciousness. What I discovered was FASCINATING: on the whole, we are not conscious of when or how we are judging others. There is mass confusion in the use of the word ‘judgment’. We unknowingly create dysfunctional, stress-induced interactions with those around us, especially the ones we love most. Until I leaned into 100% trusting myself, I was setting myself up for betrayal by trusting those who had an inability to trust others. Are you someone you can trust? The Way We Think About Judgement The way we have come to think about judgment is why we hold on to it so tightly, and surrendering it can be such a challenge! This gets complicated, so stay open; my intention is for you to ‘see’ what I am now seeing because it has transformed all my relationships in the most remarkable way. Judgment has developed over the centuries to have several different uses in our conversations. Some of which are the exact opposite. Consider that we use this term to mean ALL of the following: 1. An opinion or belief formed. 2 A conclusion drawn. 3. An assumption made. 4. The ability or capability to make a decision or assess a situation objectively, authoritatively, wisely to draw sound conclusions. 5. Also includes making the above decisions subjectively. 6. A determination of a court of Law. 7. Consequences sent by God for the punishment of sins. So, which is it? We use them all interchangeably. This is the problem. Throw in the fact that we are using judgment to uncover our truth, which is limited to our perception. Then throw in that we judge both people and objects. People respond (understandably in defense), objects do not. If I’m asking you to surrender judgment =to forgive, how can you do that when judgment is also a key ability used to make good decisions? Being ‘judgmental’ is widely understood to mean someone who condemns, and holds contempt, but at the same time can mean a wise person who exercises ‘good judgment’. The Paradox. Distinguishing The Terms Pertaining to Judgement We must get VERY CLEAR on what it means to use judgment by distinguishing these terms. The first 3 uses – having an opinion, making an assumption, drawing a conclusion is not the same as judging someone. Everyone is entitled to think for themselves and will have their own opinions. We also make assumptions to fill in the gaps when we are missing elements of a situation, but must make a decision with what we’ve got to arrive at our own conclusions. When we judge someone we become attached to our opinions, assumptions, and conclusions “being right” and not open to the possibilities available. We make someone wrong with our judgment looking down upon them, and send condemning energy from being attached to our ‘right’ way. 4. above is known as discernment – it is neutral. This is the use that most people mean while talking about judgement and forgiveness and when they think ‘but you have to judge’ or you have ‘right to judge’! Discernment IS objective in the sense that there is no attachment to being right, unlike judgment, which can be subjective. Judgment, when used in a court of law, finds a defendant ‘innocent’ or ‘guilty’. This definition of judgment can attach itself to our own ideas about people being ‘good’ or ‘bad’.  Religion often magnifies the disparity between judgment and discernment where good and evil make their appearance in spiritual texts, and we becomes ‘sinners’ living in fear of being judged. This thinking can be so extreme among religions that people justify killing in the name of God. The shift to love, and compassion transcends judgment. Judgment is so pervasive in our society that we condemn our own children labeling them as ‘bad’ and needing to be punished. This is a fear based approach where judgment is the culprit. How can children BE ‘good’ or ‘bad or BE ‘right’ or ‘wrong’? Have you ever wondered why so many children grow up not feeling good enough? Children are dependent on their parents, caregivers, and teachers, for their nurturing and guidance. It is their words and actions that can be constructive or destructive – not the children themselves. That’s they are needed to taught about judgement and forgiveness from an early age. How Judgement and Forgiveness Affect Our Lives Using judgment in our own lives is what causes so much of the suffering in our world today including the withholding of love, compassion, and forgiveness. It breeds guilt, causes stress, disconnection, and conflict. However, understanding judgement and forgiveness can reduce a lot of stress. Understand that by seeing someone as ‘good’ or ‘right’, and ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ is a false belief.  Start using the word discernment instead of judgment i.e. #4. above. Stop using judgment to mean opinions, assumptions, and conclusions. Using this one word to encompass all …

Judgement and Forgiveness — Judgement: Step 2 of Forgiveness Read More »

Need to Forgive Someone?

Uncategorized / By

Are you are holding onto a past disappointment (one that keeps repeating itself)? A grudge against someone? The pain of a betrayal in trust? And, do you feel the need to forgive someone? “It’s their fault if only they could see!” If forgiveness is the way to inner peace, how do we shift to this place, and heal? It requires a paradigm shift in our thinking to embrace a well known, but rarely practiced wisdom… “There is no right or wrong, but thinking makes it so.” ~ Shakespeare We have a need  to ‘be right’ that keeps us stuck in feeling ‘wronged’ by others. It is so powerful, we can’t see it in ourselves. Resentment, stress, bitterness, anger or worse shows up we’ve unknowingly created. Why do we do this? We’ve been wired to look for answers outside of ourselves. We are often searching in black or white (right or wrong, good or evil), but people operate from a spiritual space within of fear or love on opposites sides of a spectrum. What about what someone has said or done that you know is wrong?  Words and behaviour we experience as unloving, unkind, selfish, or destructive we label as ‘wrong’, but when we project that energy of a painful experience, or our ‘right’ onto someone, we shift into judgment. Can sound like: “How selfish, and inconsiderate! They don’t deserve my love, kindness, or respect, and should be punished, taught a lesson. Pay for what they’ve done. They should know better.” We move to a position of superiority, and look down upon someone. We see a person as an object that needs to be corrected, convinced, controlled or condemn (what I call the 4 C’s). We want to change someone based on our “truth”, stepping into self-righteousness yet “truth is in the eye of the beholder”. When you see someone as a human being with their own life-time of social conditioning, beliefs, interpretations, and experiences – you can suddenly see yourself. How can someone choose to be worse than who they are? Our best is all anyone can be. Doesn’t mean your ‘best’ will look anything like someone else’s ‘best’. Notice when you use the word ‘should’ with someone as in “You should be…”. This is you projecting your ‘right’ way onto others. Notice it with yourself. Self-judgment. “I should have…” We create expectations that lead to disappointment. Yes I’m saying let go of having expectations of others! Instead believe everyone is simply doing their best with their own reality, aren’t you? : ) You do not condone someone’s words or actions when you forgive them. This is the belief that keeps you stuck! We can choose to distance ourself, or walk away if someone’s energy is destructive without condemning them. It’s when we condemn others that we suffer. Forgiveness does not excuse destructive behaviour nor does it absolve responsibility, but it is not our lesson to learn. We do not ‘own’ other people to give us the right to force others to behave out of fear, duty, obligation, and projecting your expectations. It can get results, but is it the way you want to be treated? The way you earn respect is not to demand it, but to model it. Fear separates, love connects. We have collective rules, guidelines, values, and ideals in place intended to keep us safe, happy, and living in peace. Not everyone is willing, or wanting your influence. You must discern if someone is ready to see, and hear your truth. The essence of trust comes from your ability to trust yourself, and it requires finding your own truth. Your ability to forgive does not mean others will be remorseful. Many are far away from their spirit (love) from years of verbal abuse, self-judgment, being told they are not good enough, and feeling obligated to live up to expectations desperately wanting what we all do: to be seen, and heard for who we are. They sadly make choices that keep them in the victim mindset of depending on others, and circumstances for their happiness. They falsely believe that others are the cause of their suffering, and don’t know how to trust themselves or others. “God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation.” ~Byron Katie Do not believe others cause you to be miserable or feel guilty because they don’t have that power over you. Nor do they have the ability to ‘make you happy’. This is an illusion. Your experience of sadness or joy comes from within. You don’t have the power to change how someone else thinks, you can only influence those who want to change themselves. Would you want anyone imposing their values on you? Trying to convince someone they are wrong automatically puts them on the defensive. No one believes they are wrong.  People make mistakes, it’s how we learn, but being sorry means you are able to see what you are taking responsibility for. The mind can justify anything when you believe you are right. Hitler thought he was right. So did Gandhi. Who was right? Neither one – it’s the wrong question. One lived in fear (ego) – controlling, convincing, correcting, and condemning others, and the other lived in compassion (higher self) – loving, sharing, teaching, modelling. The impact was constructive or destructive. It’s a choice. Saying “I’m sorry things turned out this way, but it was because of this reason, or that person” essentially means “it’s not my fault”.  It being anyone’s fault is another illusion. Taking responsibility is seeing beyond finding fault, and looking to blame. If everyone is doing their best, how can it be someone’s fault? It’s the same as making someone wrong. Focus on whether the words or behaviour results in a constructive (loving) or destructive (unloving) experience. The moment you release judgment, you can step into compassion – a higher level of consciousness where love resides. Doesn’t mean we don’t get angry, frustrated or annoyed. But raving mad, resentful, and speaking words and actions we’ll …

Need to Forgive Someone? Read More »

What Do You Really Want to Experience?

Uncategorized / By

Have you ever stopped to consider what you really, I mean REALLY want and experience — not what you think you should want? Your deepest desires, what makes your heart sing, the experiences you long for in your soul? Is even wanting this not practical, or realistic? Too much work to contemplate? Can’t have your cake and eat it too? What’s the point of having cake if you can’t eat it? Things in themselves don’t make us happy. People don’t make us happy either. When you light up, and feel your passion radiating, your authentic emotions appear. There is no drama. Life flows. No fear, only love. You attract people who nourish, champion, and support your growth with no expectations, criticism, or judgment. When you become the change you want, the things, and people you want shows up to give you the experience of happiness. Imagine there were no expectations of you, and you let go of your expectations of others. These are your ‘right ways’, and other people’s ‘right ways’ being projected onto you. Our mind grows up believing these ‘right things’ are what we should be, and want. Underneath is something deeper – what our soul yearns for without external influence. Understanding what you REALLY want requires you to break out of your box of the story you were born into. Our limiting beliefs dictate what’s possible to want, and we allow circumstances to hold us back. Notice the ‘shoulds’ in your mind. I should be…? You should be….Are they really true? Where did they come from? Let go of these, and ask yourself, ‘What experiences light me up? If money were no object, what would I choose to do? Dream big. Feel into the emotion of those experiences. Believe it, and only then will you see it. Move with the opportunities, and doors that open now you could not see before. When Sean Patrick Simpson, founder of Alska Publishing in Australia contacted me out of the blue, I could feel the resonance in our first communication. I knew this was a doorway. I was working on getting published, and was offered another extremely similar opportunity to be published in a compilation book -these “coincidences” (there are none) are the “synchronicities” (there were many) that I know to pay attention to now. Click here for my first publication! When you get clear on the experiences you want, your light attracts a similar energy. Become aware of the choices you are making. Do they honour YOUR values? Play outside your comfort zone. The only person responsible for your happiness is YOU, and you are not responsible for anyone else’s – they are. Happiness lives from within. An interesting thing happens..the people, and things who no longer resonate with what you REALLY want begin to fade (sometimes painfully)…your old story ends, and the story you want to manifest begins..

This is Love?

Uncategorized / By

Do you think… this is love…? My 9 year old twin girls were listening to a popular song on the radio, and asked if I can turn up the volume…”I’d catch a grenade for you…jump in front of a train for you..you know I’d do anything for you. I would go through all this pain. Take a bullet straight through my brain. Yes I would die for you, baby, but you won’t do the same.”  I ask them ‘what do you think of these lyrics? Do you believe this is love — sacrificing yourself for someone?’ I hear myself go into lecture mode about what love really is..they say “it’s ok mom, we just like the music, we don’t listen to the words!” Last week I flew down to Rachael Jayne Groover’s powerful event on feminine spirituality and leadership, check her out: www.theyinproject.com. On the plane I read Leo F. Buscaglia’s classic 1984 bestseller “Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships”. Couldn’t put it down because I could not get over how so much wisdom in this book nearly 3 decades later is still missing in our closest relationships. Here’s a nugget from his chapter on jealousy, which feeds into the underlying paradigm of how we can find ourselves criticizing, and judging others: “We forget that we cannot force anyone to meet our needs, to be what we want them to be, do what we want them to do, respond as we would have them respond or feel what we think they should feel. This is a human impossibility, an illusion, a fantasy. Even if the other person concedes to being ‘ours’, at best that is only a figure of speech. Perhaps we must finally accept the fact that we can never possess another human being…We must learn that loving others is to want them to be themselves – painful as it may be – with or without you. After all is said and done, what else can we do but wish them well? Perhaps the greatest love presupposes the greatest freedom.” We believe others SHOULD be and do based on the ‘right’ way we see the world. We try to convince, change, correct and fix another, and make them wrong in the process for being who they are. Instead of sharing, caring, giving, enlightening with no attachment to being right. We stand in a space of superiority; this is what it is to judge another. Judgment is not about seeking your truth, instead we use discernment to determine whether someone is trustworthy or a priority for our time, and energy. Life is too short not to spend it with those who make you laugh, experience joy, and most of all grow. Isn’t the greatest freedom just being with someone who allows you to show up authentically exactly as you are? Someone who can see and hear the real you? Here’s the catch. If someone is being destructive, unloving, unkind, selfish, greedy, judgmental  i.e. not treating someone the way you want to be treated, you must choose to let go of this person or at the least distance yourself to avoid being drained by their negative energy. It feels heavy, and you won’t have the freedom to be who you are. It does not mean you condemn them for no one is better than anyone else – we are all human beings. They are being their best based on what they know, understand, and believe. No one chooses to be worse than who they are. We can have a false sense of needing to belong (be owned by) someone including those who treat us unkind believing this is love. It comes from fear, and differs from wanting to be connected to others where we are all part of one collective consciousness. Only when we let go of our judgment does a space open for compassion, unconditional love, and forgiveness. This is where the miracle, and freedom of love is experienced.

How You Can Begin Manifesting..

Uncategorized / By

I am soo excited to share with you how you can begin manifesting and tell you that my first ever publication in the ‘What Are You Manifesting Book Series’ is arriving soon, and you can pre-order! Along with 29 authors worldwide including best-selling authors Joe Vitale, and Dr. Fred Alan Wolf, (‘The Secret’), and Success Authority Brian Tracy, we are sharing our real adventures in manifesting to help you create a life you love. My chapter ‘Letting Go of Judgment to Attract What Matters’, is in the ‘Success and Spirituality’ book where I share how judgment can prevent us from stepping into what we truly want. How our ‘shoulds’ can hold us back. When you give yourself permission to follow your heart & soul’s desires – something inside shifts. Practicing non-judgment elevates your energy, models self-care, lets go of other’s expectations, and fears of what others think. Your life becomes your own – 100% your responsibility to create. It is the beginning of transforming your relationships from the surface to authentic, lasting connections. Check out the free on-line community: www.whatareyoumanifesting.com! A free online manifesting course is coming soon : ) The books are a special price as a thank you for all the support you’ve given me along this journey of becoming a writer – a big transition from my accounting days! You can get a signed pre-release copy of ‘Success and Spirituality’ for only $22, a 19% savings off the $27 retail price plus FREE taxes, and shipping. The second book called ‘Health and Happiness’ also features best-selling authors/experts, and the set is only $40, a 26% savings with FREE taxes, and shipping. Will you help support getting my first book out to the market? Get inspired, and start living your adventure of manifesting! Books will available to send in October in time for Christmas and Holiday giving : ) The official launch date where the series hits Amazon.com worldwide is November 1, 2011. Get it now and begin manifesting! HERE WE GO!! MY FIRST PUBLISHED BOOK! THE ADVENTURES IN MANIFESTING DEBUT SET:

Truth is Love

1 Comment / Uncategorized / By

There is so much illusion of what we believe ‘makes us happy’. I cannot deny the love I feel for others because it is within me. For me, truth is love. It doesn’t fade or change no matter how someone else may feel, act or what they say. I may feel sad or angry about the choices others make. I may have to walk away. I may choose to play on the surface to maintain harmony. But I understand why. It comes down to my value of living my truth from a place of love not fear. Fear of what others think. Fear of not meeting other’s expectations of their ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. I am so committed to living my truth aligned with my values that when I am with others who choose to follow a path that is destructive to themselves and others, I have no choice, but to walk away. I know it is not their fault, and often they are blind to the sabotage they create, but it is still their choice, and their responsibility. I can communicate my truth authentically, but I cannot change them, and who am I to think I should? All I can do is be my own change. It’s when I choose to project my own sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ according to my values onto someone that I feel angry, stressed, resentful, and away from feeling grounded, and at peace. This is judgment. What we do to others we do to ourselves. Letting go of ‘being right’ and instead focusing on ‘what do I value’ has been life changing. When my values align with my own truth from a place of love within me, I am living in integrity. “Conscience imposes itself, and takes you where others want you to go. Integrity calls you, and takes you where your soul wants you to go.” ~Gary Zukav, Spiritual Partnerships You can have a guilty conscience, but you cannot have guilty integrity. The moment I let go of making someone wrong with that need to convince, control, feel justified, better or right, my own judgment lifts, and no matter what anyone else says or does I see it as a reflection of their reality, not mine. I realize it is their responsibility, their free choice for the life they choose. I have a responsibility only for my own, and a desire to share my truth with those wanting to listen. I know my truth from the experiences I attract from choosing to be who I am. It’s a place of abundance, and overflowing love that has me in awe of the life I have created. A life anyone can create. You get to choose. Sexuality is a part of the love we have inside, a passion, and flame. It’s part of our spiritual nature. We feel this side of us most with the people who allow us to be who we are. The illusion of sex is all the ‘outer stuff’ of what attracts people to money, food, drugs, and alcohol – the material world. This is not real, nor does it last. There is enormous judgment around our sexuality. It has created so much violence, ownership, and suffering. It requires practice, but when you let go of judgment, there is something magical that opens up in you. A precious space to be exactly who you are, and to allow others to be who they are. Unconditional love. I may feel sad, or angry, but these emotions belong to me based on my values. We can share them with others, but we cannot project them onto others, and expect them to change. Somehow when I know this is my truth: that love is truth, and truth is love — it always brings me back to being in my peace. Are you following your truth? Share your comments!

What Are You Manifesting?

3 Comments / Uncategorized / By

I have exciting news. Along this journey of writing my first book: Authentic Connections: How Surrendering Criticism and Judgment Allows Love to Flow in Your Relationships, an incredible opportunity showed up to bring my message of non-judgment to an international audience through a compilation series. It’s something I have found myself doing ever since I got on this spiritual journey: manifesting the most unbelievable things! I share my story of how I manifest here: I know that I manifested being part of this particular series with these amazing authors because of the way it all unfolded: effortlessly, and with synchroncities I can now recognize. Co-founder Sean Simpson of Älska Publishing in Australia (pronounced elsh-ka) contacted me at the exact time I was in my first author competition that included a remarkably similar opportunity to be part of a compilation book with best selling authors. I paid attention. That compilation opportunity materialized within weeks when I made it to the top 25 authors (thanks again for all of you who voted!), but I made a difficult decision to turn that book down to focus on this one to help share my message. After practice you will just FEEL it, and know what to do. (Btw, that competition led me to an even better author competition that I’m currently in!! Eckhart Tolle’s publisher is awarding the winning contract..more manifesting..) In less than 6 months, I’m now published for the first time ever alongside international best selling spiritually minded authors Dr. Joe Vitale, Dr. Fred Alan Wolf (both from The Secret), and Brian Tracy (Business Leadership Coach & Speaker). Wow. Can you imagine if you could manifest the kinds of experiences you want, and they actually became your reality? It’s one incredible ride after the next in the direction you want to go! Älska means ‘Love’, and founders Sarah Prout, and Sean Simpson have exuded authenticity, and love since we first connected. It has been pure joy working with them. Part of how I just ‘knew’. Every day people are able to manifest what they want, attract the kind of people they want surrounding them, and this new series has given us the opportunity to share our true stories of HOW we did it, and so can you! The Adventures in Manifesting Online Hub is www.whatareyoumanifesting.com. Check it out! There’s a FREE Adventures in Manifesting Course and Community you’ll be able to join soon, and I’ll be part of it as well. Today around the world we are sharing this series together, and I’m getting a chance to connect personally with all the authors now too! You can see our bios here. The official launch date is November 1, 2011, but stay tuned for a link where you can order a limited number of signed copies for a special price that includes taxes and shipping that will be available in October. It’s getting difficult to stay connected with hundreds of you that I am in touch with personally, so please type your email in the box below my photo on this page, and we’ll be able to stay in touch : ) So much is happening so quickly now, and I want to be able to share this journey with you as you have been a big part of it! What are you Manifesting? It’s a powerful question. You may be pleasantly surprised as to what ways this question will initiate manifestations in your life. Would love your comments below. What are YOU manifesting today?

The Power of Women Event Toronto 2011

Uncategorized / By

Yesterday I listened to some amazing speakers along with 6,500 women in the Power of Women Event. I left with new ways of seeing, thinking, and being in our world. ➢ Leigh Anne Tuohy – Sandra Bullock plays this true ‘Giver’ in “The Blind Side” ➢ Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor – Best-selling “Stroke of Insight” Author ➢ Loretta LaRoche – Queen of laughter: Stress Reduction ➢ Suzanne Somers -Health, Wellness & Sensuality Advocate ➢ Ellen DeGeneres – Her Own Class Extraordinaire Attending live events like the Power of Women Event changes who you are – new ahas I can integrate into my experiences. I heard the message for my upcoming book in every speaker: Authentic Connections – Surrendering Criticism, and Judgment, and I felt that deep commitment pushing me forward to get my book out into the world. A glimpse of the energy that rocked my world: Ellen – Be authentic. Don’t be a bird in a cage trapped with the fear of what others will think. Be who you really are. People may respond with their own fears, but you will be free. And you will free others. See the humour in every day life: Why do people taste something terrible, and then say ‘here – try this, see if it tastes like crap.’ Leigh Anne Tuohy – Inspirational. How can I be a giver of hope, love, and opportunity? I can make a difference by turning around, and looking behind the curtain. You would be amazed at the view. There are so many in need who slip between the cracks. Why wait for the holidays? Make life a celebration of giving every day. Loretta LaRoche – If you don’t have a sense of humour, you’re screwed. There’s a misery index, and it’s climbing. We are always trying to make things look like they are not. Spanx. When you take them off, the illusion is over. Take responsibility: I’m fat because I ate too much. No one is injecting you with food in your sleep. Guilt – the thing that keeps on giving. How many of you think you are the Director of the Universe? Go ahead, exhaust yourself, die early. Stop catastrophizing, and awfulizing. Get off the Cross! Start thinking about what you are thinking about. We are fueled with irrational thoughts that we believe. Be in gratitude..wake up and exclaim I‘m BACK (I didn’t die)! Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor – We are made up of 50 trillion molecular geniuses. Imagine if your left brain disappeared, and you could eliminate your entire life’s baggage? You don’t even know who you are mad at anymore. You experience total peace; Nirvana when only your right brain functions. Our left brain would rather be right than be happy because this is where our inner critic, and judgment lives. Our right brain would rather be happy than be right. This is the essence of my book: How to let go of being right because authenticity happens here!! It takes 90 seconds to process a thought that makes you angry and for it to be flushed out of your system. Any longer, and you are using your conscious mind to choose and hold negative thoughts. You can jump into your right brain circuitry (peace) or left brain circuitry (judgment). Only tiny part of the left brain is responsible for judgment – you need to practice disciplining your cells. Tend to the garden of your mind. Limit whining. Gratitude teaches our cells to be healthy. You have this power – use it. Suzanne Somers – Hormones are the juice of life. When menopause arrived, she had 7 visitors: itchy, bitchy, sweaty, bloated, sleepy, forgetful, and all dried up. It’s likely why so many marriages end at this time. Estrogen deficiency. Hormones are not dangerous. Need correct dosage, and not synthetic hormones. Your quality of life at this age can be completely amazing, including a fabulous sex life!! We have a chemicals assault in our world today. Cancer in children. Babies born with toxins. Pay attention to cleaners, foods, everything we touch, breathe, and digest. Take antioxidants. Me: Take time to invest your energy in the company of others who are up to great things. The human connection cannot be replaced. And it’s the most fun way to way to learn. “That’s Amore..” That’s what I learnt in the Power of Women Event Canada 2011.

The Oprah Finale: 11 Lessons

2 Comments / Uncategorized / By

Last night I watched The Oprah Finale with 6 of my girlfriends. A week earlier, after my kids were all in bed, I felt compelled to watch the recording I had been saving to watch with my husband. He was too tired, and went to sleep, but I secretly didn’t mind. Having the space independently to receive this level of wisdom from one of my best teachers – 25 years worth, allowed me to absorb more fully what I needed to hear. The moment it ended, I wanted to share it with my closest friends, and a week later as I listened again surrounded by their resonant energy, Oprah’s words landed a little bit deeper. Now I am ready to encourage my husband to watch it or I may settle for him reading my blog – he prefers the bottom line : )  Here’s a synopsis of what I heard on the Oprah Finale, but I encourage you to listen for what resonates with you: 1. We all have a calling that comes from our heart, and it’s our duty to find it, and follow it. Your passion will spark the light in you. Use it to serve the world and make your contribution. 2. Your circle of influence is your platform, your ‘talk show’, and your power lies here. Every day you show people who you are. 3. You alone are responsible for creating your life. It doesn’t matter who your parents were, or how they treated you. They did their best. People make bad choices, and then blame others instead of taking ownership over who they are being, which is self–destructive. 4. You are responsible for the energy you create, and bring to other people. 5. What you do to others, you do unto yourself. If you treat others badly, it returns back to you exponentially. When you give love to others, it comes overflowing back to you infinitely. 6. All our pain and suffering stems from a universal feeling of unworthiness. Not good enough. Not deserving enough. Not smart or attractive enough. It is the common thread in our humanity. 7. Critical distinction: believing you deserve to be happy vs. knowing you are worthy of happiness because you are already good enough. When you think happiness is owed to you, it may elude you, but when you embrace who you are already are – life flows from the inside out. This is the power within to create your own life. 8. We all want validation: To be seen, heard, and that we say matters. This is the love we seek from others. 9. Knowing that we all suffer from unworthiness at some level, and want the same validation has allowed Oprah to stay in the place of non-judgment with an open mind and heart. There is no reason for anyone to feel superior.** 10. Know that God exists, and if you are still, and listen for the guidance that is bigger than our limited minds, you will hear it. God is love, and life, and is always speaking to you if you choose to listen. 11. No one completes you. Jerry McGuire was just a movie. You are already whole! (Got goosebumps hearing this as I posted these exact words to Maria Shriver last year on her website answering a question about what it meant for women to ‘have it all’ today. The resonance in this line from Jerry McGuire confirmed why so many suffer – looking to be good enough in someone else’s eyes when we already ‘have it all’.) ** I was thrilled hearing lesson #9 because it was confirmation for the message of my upcoming book: Creating Authentic Relationships: How Overcoming Judgment Can Transform Your Life. It is a spiritual practice to create a more compassionate authentic world, which Oprah has been modelled all these years on her show. As I took in the finality of this moment in the Oprah Finale; awestruck that she hadn’t missed a show in 25 years because she knew we were all here waiting to learn, listen, and be transformed, I suspected that Oprah must be the most genuinely loved (living) person on the planet. 40 million viewers. She is certainly admired, respected, fun-loving, and has transformed millions of lives. But when you are more of who you are because of how someone else is showing up in your life (even through the tv screen) – this is the love that connects us all. She reflects back to us who we really are, and strive to be.

Opening to Your Soul and Spirit

Uncategorized / By

I was curious of the difference between the soul and spirit as they seem to be used interchangeably as in body, mind, soul/spirit. Found the distinction. You have a spirit, but you are not a spirit. What makes us each unique is our soul, which comprises who we are. Our soul is how we relate to other people, and understand ourselves. Our spirit allows us to have an intimate relationship with God. Here’s a metaphor I found helpful: “The human mind comprises the brain and all its workings — memory, perception, reason, the stew of hormones that results in our emotions. It is, in other words, the “hardware” of human existence. The human soul is what governs the human hardware — the “software” of human existence, our very own “operating system,” unique to each of us. The human spirit is the “electricity” that animates us.” ~Mary W. Matthews Bottom Line: Our spirit is the God spark within us where we can experience the magic and miracles in our lives. Our soul is essence of our being where we can experience love within our self, and with each other. When our soul is connected to our spirit love conquers all. This morning I saw 2 little notes in my children’s lunch bags left by their sister. Addressed using their nick names of KK, and Joshie: “I packed the lunches today, and left you a surprise in the pocket. : ) Lee Lee” I felt gratitude for the love my children have for each other, and felt my soul and spirit come alive. Have you opened up to your soul and spirit today? What did you experience? Where do you feel most connected to your soul and spirit? Create ways to connect to life this way, and I guarantee you will feel lighter on your soul and spirit, overflowing with love, and more at peace.