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Deepening Your Connections this Holiday

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Are you looking forward to spending time with your friends and family over the holidays? And, deepening your connections? Can you share what’s really going on in your life or is it mostly surface talk?     Last week I celebrated one of my favourite times of the year – our annual Xmas tea with my self-care sisters. The sandwiches are to die for (thank you Brenda!), homemade scones, shortbread, and jams..it’s over the top Yummy, but the best part? Spending time with friends where I get to BE ME. There is genuine laughter, tears, fun, sharing, and an indescribable feeling of love emotionally and spiritually that goes beyond the surface into vulnerability with a deep sense of caring,support, and championing each other. We share our struggles, and our celebrations. Our hopes, fears, and dreams. How do you create this level of connection with the people in your life? I didn’t always have these friendships, but it began when I started looking within, letting go of how I thought I should be, let go of the fears of what anyone thinks, and instead followed my heart into what I loved most, valued, and honoured for what matters to me. Here are some simple steps for deepening your connections… 1) Get curious about people. Notice their energy -is it negative and complaining? Notice your energy – is it negative and complaining? Let go of any of that energy within you first, and avoid people who choose to constantly criticize. It’s draining, and creates drama. 2) Hang out with people who are open, and non-judgmental. It will shift your energy to a higher vibration of love and connection, and attract people to you because when you stop criticizing and judging, you become someone people can trust – people feel safe with you because you accept them as they are. 3) Be genuinely interested in everyone. We all have what’s ‘really going on’, and what we tell people. Most don’t share deeply because we are to afraid to ask and sound ‘too personal’. Let it go. Most don’t share because no one asks. Ask, and you may be surprised at how deep a conversation will go. If they don’t want to share, they won’t. If they think you’re being nosy, their energy is critical, and you need to do step 1) avoid these people. This does work for ‘family’ too with the caveat that ‘social norms’ have been established, and the space is smaller to play in. There are ‘rules and expectations’ to follow unless you want to risk conflict so tread carefully..criticism and judgment tends to be strongest here, and you may choose not to want to face that. Family likes us to be ‘happy’ their way. Notice if you are critical of them, and let it go. Notice what happens. We ‘sisters’ chose a theme for 2013. For me its Focus with a balance between BEING and DOING. I used to be all about getting things done, and discovered I wasn’t living in the present moment. Then I shifted way over to BEING – massive personal growth, self-awareness, and huge transformation. I want to bring these together for 2013 to help people live more authentically in their relationships – just BE YOU. There’s such freedom here!! My ‘sisters’ chose simplicity, balance, staying grounded, and contribution. Any of these ring true for you?  Where are you now? Are things where you want them to be? What’s working and not working? What’s coming up for you that you want to put your attention on in 2013? Where your intention, and attention goes, energy flows, and things will flow to you in amazing ways. Try asking someone this holiday who you are genuinely interested in – what one word describes a shift you want to make in 2013?  Share how you are working on deepening your connections this holiday… P.S. If you haven’t seen my new video sharing my message of becoming judgment-free, please take a peek here  

The Art of Being in Gratitude

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Appreciation and being in gratitude. It’s so powerful. Why? It can instantly shift your energy to a higher state of being when you practice putting your attention on what you feel thankful for. It’s an instant “pick me up” that gets you into the present moment.  It does not just mean thinking mentally of the things you feel blessed to have. Being in gratitude is a practice of feeling into the experiences of what you desire, like, enjoy that you bring into your consciousness. The things you may be taking for granted. That you can you breathe without assistance, see, and listen. Move, and communicate your unique voice. The love of a partner, friends, children, colleagues. A beautiful home, your health, or career. Life is not about having things, it’s about the way you experience what you have. The easiest way to practice gratitude is to write down 5 things every day you feel gratitude for. Start a journal. The act of writing it down, and focusing your attention on what lights you up does something magical. There is power in the words. Your energy can shift in that moment to a place of BEING that feels good inside, and this energy you are now holding is being sent out . The kind of energy you send out comes back.  Writing is the starting point, but it’s not enough to simply think up things, and write the words on a piece of paper without slowing down to reflect and experience what the words mean for you. “BEING in gratitude” is the experience of giving thanks. Eventually it becomes a habit where your mind will notice almost automatically what you feel grateful for every day. Happier thoughts just show up, and you will begin to FEEL your life differently. Gratitude changes how you ARE with the people in your life, your connections deepen. It secretly focuses you on what you truly value, and helps prioritize. You begin to treasure who and what matters. You will say or feel “I love you” more because gratitude connects you back to the love within yourself. You may choose to come home to be with your family instead of taking that extra half hour to get more work done because earlier you wrote down how it felt to have a family who loves you, and it pulls you to leave. Feeling gratitude suddenly has you experiencing more of what you want in life. It can feel like a door opened, and things are flowing in the direction you want, only you didn’t have to work so hard to get it : ) Happy Thanksgiving! Make it a practice not just for this one time of the year, but every day. This holiday is really about celebrating the power of Giving Thanks because that is a gift in itself. “You are more alive, and receptive to the goodness that comes in your life when you begin to consciously look for things to be grateful for. What I promise you is that the spiritual dimension of your life begins to change, it opens up, it expands, and you just grow with it.” ~Oprah Life Class on Gratitude in Toronto, April 2012

Love Just Is

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Why I think Love Just Is… “What is sin? It is a sin to prevent Love from showing itself.” Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello Just back from Mexico where our kids spent the week with their cousins endlessly laughing and playing in the hot sun of the Mayan Rivera delighted to discover all sizes of hermit crabs crawling along the sand, huge coloured fish swimming around their ankles, and iguanas that hung out with us at the pool. Then there were the coatis (“Brazilian aardvark”), and agouti (think over-sized cross between mouse/chipmunk) that would frequent our strolls along the winding resort pathways. My highlight snorkelling was seeing a giant sea turtle happily munching on sea grass, seriously it was GIGANTIC, and breathtaking. What I admit I love most about being on vacation (beach sunset & sunrise being close seconds) is reading with that space to devour a whole book from start to finish, which this time included “The Witch of Portobello.” Despite sales of over 100 million copies of his books worldwide, and having The Alchemist one of my top 10 of all time – I was still reluctant as I flipped from the back cover to the inside chapter headings. The title sounded ‘weird’, but also mysterious and intriguing. I felt that nudge of intuition to pick it up, and followed it. I did not expect the amazing journey I found myself on in its pages including a surprising twist, and that undescribable way Paulo’s brilliant writing resonates so deeply with our different personal journeys simultaneously. With the proposal deadline of my first book: Live the Love You Deserve: Imagine. A Judgment-Free World fast approaching, so much in this book helped me hear my own voice louder. These were just a handful of the gems: 1. A teacher is not someone who teaches something, but one who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover what she already knows. As a coach, and mother, I inspire other’s best already within them – good reminder. 2. All great painters understand that in order to forget the rules, you must know, and respect them. The blank spaces are where the individuality, and spontaneity show up. As a writer learning to master this space between the words has been a challenge as I naturally ‘follow the rules’, (my left brain analytical side), but this is where our real gift of uniquesness lies – between the spaces. 3. You are what you believe yourself to be. Don’t be like those people who believe in ‘positive thinking’, you don’t need to because you know it already. Laugh at your worries, and insecurities. What I believe is so much more important than what I know, and what I think. Seeing myself from the lighter side without judgment helps me get out of my own way by slowing down, trusting myself instead of over-thinking, and knowing so much it blinds me. 4. Love is the feeling that transforms everything. Passion died out because you got used to each other. The earth gives only what it gave last year, neither more nor less. In the darkness of your souls, you silently complain that nothing in your lives changes. Why? Because you’ve always tried to control the force that transforms everything so your lives can carry on without being faced by any major challenges. This one hit home. We want to control love. It’s hard not to want security. But the desire to maintain love demanding ‘forever’ keeps us stuck until we realize it’s sharing our growth, and continual change that keeps love alive, flourishing, and passionate! We are afraid of change – fear stepping into the unknown of what our heart is calling us to follow. There is such comfort in the comfortable even when it’s not working. We don’t trust ourselves, but for those who are willing to know thyself (a never-ending journey) – the courage to dare experience love beyond the conventional is available, and more stable, and real than any love bound by rules. 5. Love fills everything. It cannot be desired because it is an end in itself. It cannot betray because it has nothing to do with possession. It cannot be held prisoner because it is a river and will overflow its banks. Anyone who tries to imprison love will cut off the spring that feeds it, and the trapped water will grow stagnant and rank. Love allows us the independence to grow into all of who we want to be. Belonging can feel like love, but it’s an illusion. There are no conditions to meet, no expectations to fulfill. No ego. No judgment of what love should be. Love just is. Happiness does not need to be found, but effortlessly follows love wherever it is expressed. What does love mean for you?

Oprah’s OWN Canada…

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Last week I taped my first National TV interview for Oprah’s OWN Canada scheduled to air this fall – a new truth documentary series exploring the human connection. Friends asked ‘how did that happen’? Ever since I stepped into following my heart, passion & purpose where I’d changed careers to become a life coach and author, I’ve noticed the whirlwind of synchronicities constantly happening. I’ve been transforming ALL my relationships to be more meaningful, authentic, and connected with my message of “BEING YOU” – sharing my vision for a judgment-free world. It’s required stepping back from some, letting others go, deepening existing ones, and attracting many others with similar energy!! I was standing in line with girlfriends to see Oprah live in Toronto last month – we get together monthly, and have the incredible judgment-free space to share authentically. Laugher and tears – memories for always. We had always talked about seeing Oprah together one day…so of course it happened!!   We left at 11:11 am – had lunch at 156 Front Street (111 for me), sat in the 11th row, and it was 11:11 pm returning home…11s is just one of the ‘spiritual signs’ I’d seen as a child letting me know I am on my ‘right path’, a reminder to slow down, pay attention, and listen to my inner voice. I was just prompted again with 11:11 writing this blog!! Someone from Oprah’s OWN Canada came by the 8,500 people waiting in line to ask if anyone had a story to share. My friends insisted I take the casting card & submit! The ‘sign’ of releasing my latest publication, a chapter in Pebbles in the Pond called “Finding Forgiveness” within weeks of Oprah’s life class topic that evening: Forgiveness, had me in that magic zone of listening to my intuition, getting into action, and trusting.  Sounded like “just send in your story – who knows?” Weeks later, the call came I wasn’t expecting – they wanted to interview me! Turned out to be a fun, casual experience – my amazing friend, and life coach Angela offered to drive me to the downtown shoot. We met the producer, and with a nudge from me, Angela ended up sharing her story too – we’re in the same episode!! I shared the painful experience that caused me to dive into understanding what it really means to judge someone.  A six page letter I received from someone I regarded as a true friend for over a decade. The words ‘right and wrong’ showed up everywhere – she was ‘right’, and I was ‘wrong’. “There is no right, and wrong, but thinking makes it so.” ~Shakespeare Jealousy, resentment, and judgment showed up so loudly in her words. False assumptions, and condemning thoughts she had kept hidden for months. I had no idea.  I wanted her to be happy, but we had been drifting apart since I began following my passions. After hearing her truth, I found myself judging her for judging me – felt resentment, anger, and betrayal because I was now attached to ‘being right’, and making her ‘wrong’. Underneath were real, raw emotions of shock, sadness, and disappointment. The moment I finished the letter for Oprah’s OWN Canada, I knew our friendship was over. We had grown too far apart. Our values weren’t the same. It taught me my message, how to speak our truth. I forgave her, she forgave me, and I walked away with a stronger trust in myself. Today I surround myself with people who are genuinely happy for who I am, and where I’m going, and vice versa – no competition, jealousy, meeting expectations of a “right or wrong” way. Letting go of judgment is the secret to healthy, happy, deeply connected relationships, and what it means to finally experience unconditional love. You can BE YOU, and allow others the freedom to be themselves. It’s what we all desire: to be seen, and heard for who we are, and why we’re here. “Be who you are, and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

How to Communicate Forgiveness Without Judgment

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Believe It: Learning to forgive and communicate forgiveness requires you to transcend your ego’s need to be right, and make someone else wrong. In releasing judgment, you will free yourself from the energy of resentment, betrayal, anger, and hatred, and create space to live the love you deserve. Be It: Release the illusion that forgiveness means: 1) You do nothing. 2) You let someone get away with destructive, or unloving behaviour with no consequences. 3) Saying sorry without taking responsibility. Embrace the reality that: 1) You have 100% responsibility for what you choose to say, be, and do. So does everyone else. 2) Everyone is doing their best at their own state of consciousness, and responds from this place. 3) You cannot change someone else, and can only be the change. Do It: 1) SEE others as a product of their conditioning looking through their lens to create their experience because that’s who you are. 2) Notice when you are thinking anyone SHOULD be and do the way you believe is ‘right’. Ask is it constructive or destructive to my values, and choose to stay, or let go. 4) Let go of the need to be right, and make others wrong. Embrace these words: High vibration energy of compassion and understanding I notice that….. Here’s how I’m feeling, what are you feeling? Are you open to hearing my thoughts and feelings around this? Are you willing to listen to my point of view? I know it may not be the same as yours. What do you want? I want…. What are you willing to do? I’m curious about… I’m feeling disappointed because my value is… This is what I am wanting for us… I’m not ok with…. I think/believe that…   Avoid these words: Low vibration energy of projection, judgment, criticism You never…. You always… You should… Why can’t you get that…. What’s wrong with you? Why or how can you not see that… I’m so disappointed that you… How could you…? I can’t believe you… Demanding an apology means you are still attached to being right and are not ready to communicate forgiveness yet. Feeling disappointed/sad someone doesn’t apologize for something that is destructive to your relationship is a genuine hurt reflecting you may not share similar values.  Say “I’m not ok with you not taking responsibility for (fill in destructive behaviour) that step on my values of…. ” Please check out my latest book: Pebbles in the Pond with transformational best-selling authors Arielle Ford, and Marci Shimoff  here!! My chapter is called Finding Forgiveness.

BEING YOU – My New Brand!

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As a teenager immersed in the forbidden love story of “The Thorn Birds”, I wondered, “do you have to experience pain to be truly happy”? I assumed people experiencing life issues were creating their own pain, and drama because they didn’t have the correct solutions. BELIEVE IT “The best is only bought at the cost of great pain..or so says the legend”. ~Colleen McCullough, The Thorn Birds Growing up in an unusually stable environment where self esteem, professional degrees, and getting results ranked high, I didn’t know what was beyond “harmony” where life wasn’t just about fixing problems, and accomplishing things though they gave me a certain degree of happiness. There was so much suffering, and drama in the world, and something in this legend seemed to hold a truth… “The bird with the thorn in its breast follows an immutable law; it is driven by it knows not what to impale itself, and die singing…one superlative song, existence the price. But we, when we put the thorns in our breasts, we know. We understand. And still we do it.” I began letting go of my social conditioning, took a hiatus from the media, followed my passion for writing, and understanding people, and eventually left a stable profession. I found myself the target of criticism, and judgment that tragically ended a few long-time friendships. It turned out to be my greatest gift. I claimed my life, found my purpose, transformed my relationships, became a coach, and author loving what I do. I stepped into discomfort, and questioned what I believed was right.  I switched focus from everything I thought was supposed to make me happy in my outer world, and listened to my inner voice, paid attention to my experiences, and the Truth found me. We are human beings, spiritual at our core – capable of experiencing sheer bliss, living on purpose, and love so exquisite it hurts. I finally understood the paradox that exists in everything – how pain and pleasure are magically intertwined to shift us forward. I couldn’t see how criticism, and judgment was feeding into who I thought I should be and do.  There are 2 faces of judgment – one stems from our ego (fear), and is the culprit responsible for much of the suffering, and drama we create, the other is our higher self (love) seeking to discern truth for our ultimate happiness. Beyond our ego/soul mind is Universal Spirit that is Truth, Peace, and All Knowing that we can reach in solitude. Our higher self may judge someone as untrustworthy. But go deeper, and we’re really discerning whether you trust someone’s words or actions will not hurt you for who they choose to be in the world. What do you experience as loving, and unloving, positive, and negative, constructive, and destructive? Our ego can take our judgment, (really discernment), attach to it being right, and project destructive energy to condemn someone to be wrong. This is the energy of self-righteousness, and what we mean by being judgmental. You can FEEL when you want someone else to suffer, when you feel entitled to an apology, when you condemn. What you give comes back tenfold. Be not judges of others, and you will not be judged: do not give punishment to others, and you will not get punishment yourselves: make others free, and you will be made free, Give, and it will be given to you.” ~Luke 6:37 When we criticize, and judge others, we create our own suffering, and prevent ourselves from experiencing the love we deserve. It doesn’t mean we do nothing, that we don’t take full responsibility for any destructive impact we create with our choice of words or actions. No one wants constructive criticism, what we may need, but may not be ready to hear is constructive feedback, not projections or well-meaning advice. Both positive and negative feedback can be helpful for our growth, but who wants to be criticized, or judged? It breaks the Universal Golden Rule of Compassion that we treat others the way you want to be treated. Giving constructive feedback sees everyone as a human being doing their best in any given moment. Receiving valuable feedback requires you not take what anyone says personally. Surrendering judgment transcends your ego so you can experience the freedom to be seen and heard for who you are. We strive to experience love unconditionally – an eternal love that dances back and forth connecting you to your Self, Others, and to the Divine. BE IT Do you have people in your life you can be yourself with? I mean really BE YOURSELF. Bare your soul. Be vulnerable. Play full out. Share your truth. The dreams you left behind. Your deepest darkest secrets… The freedom to BE YOU is enlightening, and sadly lacking in most relationships. Our inner critic makes us wrong with “I should be more careful” (as opposed to “I will choose to pay better attention next time”). Self-judgment is stronger “I am so stupid – why did I say that?” The condemning energy has a higher intensity. Think “pissed off” versus “self-loathing”. Judgment is hierarchical – you see someone as less, unworthy, worse. Steps to BEING YOU: 1. Let go of making yourself or others wrong – are you doing any of my 4 C’s of judgment? Correcting, Convincing, Controlling or trying to Change someone? Notice the difficult energy when you are in this space, and shift to understanding, modelling, teaching with compassion, and love instead of fear. 2. Be willing to be vulnerable with yourself, and others. Say I love you first. Allow yourself to make mistakes. The more open and authentic you allow yourself to be, the more you invite others to be true to themselves. 3. Practice living in the present with what is, not struggle to create what it should be, would be, or could be – this avoids blaming, and complaining, and fosters taking responsibility for your choices. Let go of your expectations of others for how they should be …

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Letting Go of Guilt

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The painful feelings of guilt show up when we are not living the values we want for ourselves or believe we should be following based on other people’s expectations, and beliefs. Guilt comes from our ego – the self-judgment we have towards our self not being good enough in some form. We’ve set a standard, or hold a belief we interpret as failure to follow or measure up.  It is our judgmental voice saying “you should have…” As Tony Robbins says: STOP “shoulding all over yourself”!! Notice when you hear yourself use the word should that leads to feelings of anger, shame, disgust, self-hatred, loathing.  It’s emotionally self-destructive, and energy draining. There is an illusion that guilt is ‘good’ for you. It keeps you ‘on track’, doing the ‘right’ things. Masochism justified. Step 1: Take a curious look at the thoughts you are choosing to think, and question where did this ‘right’ thought, belief, value come from? Is it serving your well-being? Simple example. You join a gym, pay for the annual membership, and don’t go consistently to make any significant improvement in your overall health. You feel guilty for wasting your hard earned money that has not produced the value you intended. Step 2: Believe that in every given moment you are being your best because that’s all you can ever be. Even though you’ve spent the money, not gone to the gym – that choice was your best in that moment. It may not have resulted in what you wanted. Take ownership over whatever choice you made including admitting if you’ve made a mistake without getting into “could have, should have, would have if only”. This thinking is of zero value NOW. Your power is in the present moment. What matters instead of making yourself wrong is WHY did I not make what I want to value (physical health) a priority? What NOW? Will you end the membership, get moving, or continue to not honour your desire for physical vitality? CHOICES are always available to you to shift into alignment with what you value. The easiest and most obvious reason is inconvenience. It disrupts your existing routine, and change feels uncomfortable. Not going to the gym is easier than going. Is there a way to make honouring your value of physical health easier? Self discipline is hard to sustain in the long run without building the foundation of values you are truly aligned with. Step 3: Intentionally connect to your VALUES. We forget our WHY, and try to do the action first. How did you imagine you’d FEEL if you got physically energized? How does it FEEL when your clothes fit better? Sleeping better, eating healthier? Wake up more energized.? Not tire out as easily in your day, and stay mentally focused longer? Not lose your patience as easily because you now feel energized physically? Why even bother? Step 4: What is YOUR WHY? Write it down, say it out loud, think about it when you initially drag yourself to the gym on your committed schedule..you mustBE committed by a connection to your value before you can DOor it will be extremely hard to create change. Every morning set the intention: “I am going to work out no matter what. I want to honour my value of physical health today. This is what I will do.” It pulls you toward what you want instead of you having to work so hard. Get an accountability partner – most of us find it easier to let ourselves down than someone else. Step 4: Create small, committed steps that are so EASY it’s hard not to do. We have a tendency to set up too big of a commitment thinking it’s ‘not good enough’ to just go once a week to the gym. They commit to 3 times/week, and when they do not follow through, they give up entirely. The all or nothing syndrome. Going from nothing to 3 times a week may be too much. Start for whatever is EASY for you. Up the ante when you’ve been honouring your easy commitment consistently. Guilty feelings applies to any value you are stepping on. Make sure the value is yours, and doesn’t belong to someone else. Is it your parent’s values or beliefs? Society’s norms? Religious laws? Sometimes letting go of guilt will require that you change your value because it is not in alignment with who you are, or what you believe. There is no right or wrong – there is only being true to who you really are: LOVE. When you stop making yourself wrong (let go of self-judgment) you are learning to love yourself enough to allow for mistakes, and will soon be on the road to being guilt-free. You will also end up experiencing morelove. (Note to Readers: I’ve begun writing for guest posts recently- please check them out, and share if they made a difference in your life!) Living Conscious Relationships on Lightworker’s World The Foundation of Love on Tiny Buddha Please leave your comments, and feedback!!

Living Your Truth

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What is freedom? The space to be exactly who you are knowing you won’t be judged as ‘wrong’. The freedom to be seen, heard, accepted even if it’s different to others, and be living your truth. We live in a world of right and wrong. Good and bad. Harmony exists when everyone follows the rules. Does what’s expected. It isn’t necessarily your best or what you want. “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32 What is truth? Your perception of it based on your unique beliefs, understanding, knowledge, and experience. What if your truth doesn’t fit the socially accepted norms where you live? Within your own family? How do you find a way to speak, and live your truth knowing you may be criticized or judged harshly, misunderstood, have anger, or disappointment thrown your way? We are all living along a spectrum of love on one side and fear on the other. Love will lead to constructive, joyful experiences, fear to destructive, unpleasant ones with infinite variations in between. When you live in the world seeing people as ‘good and bad’ or ‘right and wrong’, you hold the wand of judgment, which lives in fear, and prevents you and others from experiencing the freedom to be who you are. The 8 Steps to Living Your Truth 1. Let go of judging yourself. Accept, and love yourself for exactly who you are. If you feel not good enough, unworthy or not measuring up, you are making yourself wrong, and believing this lie. Instead, believe that you deserve to be accepted and loved. It is true no matter who you are, what you’ve said or done. Doesn’t mean you don’t have things to learn and grow from – we all do, nor does it mean not taking 100% responsibility for any destructive thoughts you choose to think. Affirm, and believe “I deserve, and am worthy of experiencing what creates real joy in my life, and am doing my best.” Extend that affirmation to everyone else. 2. Let go of judging others. If you feel stressed, anger, resentment, disappointment by what others say and do, it’s a strong sign you are judging someone as ‘wrong’. You feel a need to correct, convince, control or change someone (my 4 C’s), which also prevents finding forgiveness. You are not responsible for what others say and do – they are. Everyone can only do their best in any given moment. You can teach, model, share, give relevant consequences, but punishing, and condemning is the destructive force of judgment (attached to ‘being right’) that leads to contempt, hatred, resentment, separateness, and conflict. 3. Become aware of the ‘right and wrong’ in the family/social network you grew up. Some of the socially accepted values, expectations, and beliefs in your current circle of family and friends may not serve your happiness. Shifting to the side of love requires breaking out of the box you were born into to follow your own truth for what matters to you. Do you find yourself compromising (i.e. putting up with, suffering silently, or tolerating) to follow what’s expected, or what you should do or believe? Instead, know your own truth – what values are being stepped that creates any stress you feel? Limit the ever-present media, which silently programs everyone else’s ideas of how you should be, and what you should fear into your mind. Look within, and be able to answer: Who are YOU? 4. Know the values you are willing to stand up for. True intimacy, trust, unconditional love, non-judgment, authenticity, vulnerability, compassion, understanding, and growth are my core values. I will stand up for these no matter what. Even if I have to walk away, change old thinking, step into what I’m most afraid of, and be vulnerable. The quality of the relationships in my life share these values. I cannot buy them, nor can I change anyone to be them. I simply live them so I end up attracting them, and won’t compromise. What are yours? Stand by them. 5. Understand what living from Fear Vs. Love FEELS like. Guilt, a need to control, and an inability to trust is living from fear. Having expectations that someone should change if they really loved you is fear-based.  People can only change for themselves, which may have a positive or negative impact on you based on your values. If someone’s values are destructive, and create disharmony, you may need to walk away. Fear holds a sense of competition instead of cooperation, entitlement instead of giving, doubt instead of trust. Love feels grounded, brings an inner connection to the spirit of “God” within that connects us all as ONE humanity. There is an inner peace, calmness, flow with love. When you live in fear, you are disconnected from this place, and cannot see clearly. Your ego takes over, and prevents choosing wisely. There is drama with fear, but a healthy disruption when you can break the barriers towards your highest self. 6. Understand where YOU live on the Fear Vs. Love spectrum. Begin making shifts to continuously move away from judgment, and toward love. Notice, and let go of using the word ‘should’ with people as this often indicates you making yourself or someone else wrong. Do you feel guilt, resentment, ill-will, and react with inner anger much of the time? Or do you feel compassionate, calm, an inner peace, and trust no matter what outer turmoil swirls around you? Do you see a world filled with good or evil people, or a world full of human beings living in fear or love all essentially wanting the same thing? 7. Notice where OTHERS live on the Fear Vs. Love spectrum. You will be reluctant to share your truth with those who live in fear unless you want criticism, judgment, and their fears (worry, control, correcting, convincing) projected onto you. Distance yourself from those you cannot be authentic with, and surround yourself with those who nourish, support, and champion you. Those living from love will …

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11 Resources to Launch Your Best for 2012

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One of the pages on my website I’ve struggled to create is a resource page. Why? I love to read, listen, and watch others…transformational wisdom from authors, coaches, every day people, and inspirational leaders. It’s a passion, a calling, ok I admit a bit of an obsession. It’s helped create a life I love. People often ask me what to read, and I respond: What are you looking for? Struggling with? Wanting to overcome? And, willing to do to launch your best? I eagerly suggest resources careful not to give too much. It won’t all land – it’s hit and miss because we are on our own unique spiritual path. What resonates for me will not necessarily resonate with you. There is no right or wrong when it comes to our personal journeys. It can be overwhelming the wisdom available outside ourselves when the greatest source of wisdom lies within. Still, we can fast track along with our experiences, save ourselves from pain, and evolve much faster through the collective wisdom from our connection with others. Knowledge can be practical, valuable, but nothing compares to the trust we build within ourselves when we develop our own inner knowing. Our own truth for living life to the fullest. A shift begins to happen when you trust yourself more than you trust other people. Inner peace lives here. As I review 2011, a breakthrough year in experiences that transpired, I wanted to share some of my favourite resources. I hope you will find something you are looking for, experience an aha moment or two, and help launch you into 2012 armed with new thinking, and a fresh perspective of what’s possible for your life. As we begin a new year, many of my ‘teachers’ have shared their ‘best of 2011’ – and along with a few of my favourite resources, I wish your best ever for 2012. 11 Resources to Launch Your Best 1) The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The NY Times Bestseller for over eight years, these 4 simple principles reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that create unnecessary suffering.  I’ve read this small, powerful book a few times, and keep a summary posted at my desk. A spiritual practice I need reminding of every day that continues to be transformational. 2) Weekly Lessons from Teacher Ophelius, and the Circle of Seven resonate at a spiritual level I can hardly describe in words. They keep me in my peace, and grounded in who I am becoming. 11:11 is a prompt I’ve seen as a child, and its spiritual significance has become clear. 3) Robin Sharma – Top 10 Blog Posts for 2011, author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and The Greatness Guides. Practical, no-nonsense timeless wisdom to help you launch your best. 4) Tiny Buddha – Book Giveaway, and Top 10 Insights of 2011. 3 years ago founder Lori Deschene created this phenomenal site for peace and happiness – more than 15 million views to date, her insights along with others sharing their personal wisdom is a place you will feel right at home. Check out my first guest post: The Foundation of Love. 5) Zen Habits: The Essential Zen Habits of 2011. An incredible blog packed with wisdom about keeping life simple. Leo Babauta, a father of 6, who’s inspired me of what’s possible when we slow down to speed up. Less is more. The power of simplicity and consistency. 6) The Master Key System by Charles Haanel. Insanely Powerful. Ridiculously Free (now in public domain). I listen to the audio version waiting in lines, driving long distances. I hear different insights each time as I grow. It’s that powerful. 7) Oprah. I began watching her show in 2000 when I became a stay at home mom. I craved meaningful adult conversation after leaving corporate life, and was hooked.  I summarized her finale show – Oprah’s life lessons. Her new life class is packed with insights. And, it’s a great resource to launch your best. 8) Steve Pavlina – Filled with articles that expand your mind in every area of personal development. His words: “I’m a human alarm clock. I awaken people who are sleeping through life.” His insights have helped me become conscious. 9) I listened to Neale Donald Walsh‘s The New Revelations this year. Answered my ‘religious questions’ that never made sense about what I was taught about God. Bestselling author of “Conversations with God”, I now read his free daily messages..”I believe God Wants You to Know…” Profound way to launch your best. 10) I am starting the year with the 100 Day Challenge with a few friends. Each year I dive into something powerful to keep my energy focused on what I want to accomplish. If you want to join us, email me, and be part of my closed facebook group to share your progress.. 11) Bryon Katie‘s judgment worksheet followed by her 4 powerful questions. Turning your life around to see what you are creating. This site is packed with resources for ending internal struggle, and suffering. Writing my first book Live the Love You Deserve: How Letting go of Criticism, and Practicing Non-judgment Allow You to Experience Eternal Love has been a process of awakening.  Uncovering love at the level of my soul – deep, authentic, fulfilling. Understand what judgment really means when it comes to one another in your relationships. Notice when you are judging yourself. Listen when you hear yourself use the word ‘should’ against yourself: I should have ‘been or done’. You can only ever be and do your best in every given moment. Let go of correcting, convincing, controlling, and trying to change others (my 4 C’s). BE the change instead. That’s a key step to take to launch your best self. Notice when you use your words against others: ‘you should ‘be and do..’ Letting go of making ourselves and others wrong is the most transformative practice you can create in your life. It will give you the freedom to love spiritually, unconditionally, …

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Living in Love Versus Fear

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There is a spectrum on which we all live: love on one side, fear on the other. I call it living in love versus fear. You know which side you live from based on your emotions. Love feels grounded, flowing, abundant, and compassionate with a resonance connected to your spirit. Fear feels anxious, condemning, competitive, scarce, guilty, and disconnected from your spirit. Many emotions along this continuum translate into an energy vibration you are holding- high being love, low being fear. Neither one means you are better or worse than someone else, but your experience, and how others experience you will either be positive or negative, constructive or destructive, loving or unloving. There’s a middle ground. It’s practical. Seemingly wise. Filled with knowledge, but not necessarily truth. It directs your life looking at the circumstances of what is, and has difficulty stretching beyond to the possibilities outside of the box. Somewhere in this mix is where you live searching for your own truth. Can you feel where you are? It’s a choice you may not be aware you’re making. It’s constantly changing, swinging back and forth with your life experiences, but hopefully moving in the direction of love through your own life lessons. Eventually you reach a point where you can trust yourself, and not look to other’s fears and expectations, or old conditioned beliefs that no longer serve you to determine how you should be living your life. Instead you move effortlessly connected to the values true to you hitting bumps along the way you must overcome to reach the other side to an even deeper love. At the beginning of this year I picked a theme: breakthrough. An intention for my life with no idea how it would transpire. I found myself in writing competitions after beginning to write my first book that opened many doors leading to my first publication with best-selling authors. I discovered that love has no boundaries, and is abundant when you can let go of your ego, and fear. I launched my website, attracted an abundance of people who resonate with where I am. Instant connections from all around the globe. I learned a powerful skill of discerning how much truth someone can receive depending on where that individual lives on the spectrum of love versus fear. The more they live on the fear side, the more judgment, and the less authentic I can be. Those who live from love can receive it all. It is profound, deeply connected, and the speed at which love flows continues to amaze me. This morning as I was making lunches, my son blared Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain”, I took in her voice, its powerful lyrics, the memories it evoked, and listened to the sound of my children laughing, my daughter on the piano sounding out the melody, and felt that love so familiar now flow through my world. This year I want to live further along this side of the spectrum for it has no end – love is eternal. Each moment will be that much more joyful, meaningful, happy, and continue to create the kind of life I want to be experiencing. Spiritual growth attracts experiences that are nothing short of miraculous : ) Are you confused between love vs fear? Do you want to choose love or fear? What will be your theme for 2012?