I grew up believing the world was black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. My family life growing up was loving, harmonious with extremely little conflict. I followed the rules, behaved appropriately within the established guidelines of what “good” entailed, and was successfully living my life. Or so I thought.
The expectations I grew up with became my expectations of what was “good” and “right”, and I believed it because everything was in harmony. Then I was introduced to coaching, which is really self-discovery, and my life expanded. I thought I knew who I was only to discover I had barely met myself!
I thought I knew other people, only to discover that the level I could connect was only as deep as I was connecting with myself, which was barely scratching the surface. I was happy, and I didn’t have a clue what it meant to be living a fulfilling authentic life. I was living mostly in my head with an external focus.
Self-discovery moved my focus inside where I began to discover my values – what I stood for versus my passions – what I loved. I noticed the kinds of people who energized me, and those who drained me. I began to let go of any beliefs from my upbringing, which no longer served me, and began to follow my heart. I felt like I was experiencing for the first time what it meant to be a human being, not just a human doing.
Soon I found myself diving deeper into questions that had always tugged at me – why people suffered, how people could love someone one moment, then hate them the next, why we were still fighting wars. Suddenly I was looking back at my life, and could see things I couldn’t see before. What I liked as a child & into my teens now had a deeper meaning. I began experiencing more coincidences, and numbers like 11:11 that I saw as a child.
Other signs in nature began appearing. I felt like something I couldn’t explain was happening, and it was being confirmed by so many of the people I was now attracting – leaders, spiritual teachers, authors. The experience Neo has in The Matrix where reality is the illusion suddenly became my experience. I don’t see the world the way I used to.
My experiences with people deepened to a new level of authenticity, and I began having serious conflicts for the first time with people whose values differed from my own now that I knew what mine were! I realized I was blind to who they were because I was living on the surface of my life. I immersed myself in personal growth and spiritual books, and a few authors I couldn’t put down: Malcolm Gladwell, Mitch Albom, and Paulo Coelho. I listened & watched inspirational life changing material, and attended conferences. I was awakening to who I had always been. My life began to flow in a magical way. Instead of “right” and “wrong”, I began to understand it was all about my intentions. I could see how I was creating my own life experience.
I learned how to let go of making people wrong even those whose choices have hurt me the most, and I’ve had no other choice but to walk away. Rising above that pain brought a clarity that’s hard to put into words. I choose to live from my head, heart, and soul where love, compassion, kindness and respect can live and breathe. I let go of fear from my ego where criticism, and judgment live, and put trust in myself. My mask has come down, and it has given permission for others to drop their mask. People have accused me of being naive, but as my coach reminded me: my experience has not been one of being taken advantage of. In fact I experience the opposite: abundance of giving and receiving with so many people in my life.
A few people’s true colours eventually revealed themselves, but this handful of individuals taught me the most, and I became stronger. It turned out to be the greatest gifts. I still choose to have faith in people unless they show me otherwise, and this has opened up an amazing space with people where I get to be who I am. Connecting authentically being true to myself is the ultimate freedom, and secret to living a fulfilling life.
