4 Steps to Aligning Yourself For Your Best Relationships

What feels right for you? How do you know? It feels aligned. Grounded. Authentically you. It flows. It doesn’t necessarily feel comfortable because there’s a lot of resistance coming from the outside to take us away from what truly matters inside.

Getting aligned with the real you is not easy. There’s expectations of us. There’s beliefs that have been passed down from your family (eg. what constitutes success), which may no longer serve you. There’s your DNA, and programming that has you react in ways you may not be proud of. For me, it’s whenever I need to help my daughters with homework — wow, does my inner critic come out in full force I have to work hard to tame!

So where is your point of power to get aligned?

Simple: it’s about having that little faith in something bigger – not out there, but in here. A Creative Universal Force existing within you.

A little book called “the Impersonal Life” came my way recently, and it shares this idea in the best way I’ve read. It’s when we take things personally that we’ve become disconnected from this alignment to the “Divine” within.

“When you can know that I AM Consciousness within you, <am> one with the consciousness of all animate and inaminate matter, and that It’s will is one with your will, which is My Will, and that all your desires are My Desires, then will you begin to know and feel Me within, and will acknowledge the Power and Glory of My Idea, which is eternally expressing Itself Impersonally through you.”

I AM statements are so powerful. Why is that? I AM beautiful.  I AM not good enough. Notice if these feel hard or easy to think.  What’s causing any resistance to the self-love given you at birth – that you deserve to be loved with no conditions? Your misalignment with this Higher Consciousness.

If this makes sense, this lesson may help further clarify ‘What Remains“..this may not resonate with you, but seeing “11:11” again when I started examining my thoughts this way was a consistent sign calling me to have a little more faith.

HOW to think to become aligned at a soul level first requires powerfully examining your thoughts, and how you respond to them. Distinguish thoughts of others, with those of your ego versus those coming from a Divine Source. It’s a practice of having your “thoughts serve You, instead of your being a slave to them.” (Joseph Benner)

I was clueless to being aligned with the real me for most of my life, (though I was happily going along in ignorance). I grew up following expectations that made a lot of sense. My thinking was logical where ‘the right answers’ were found in education, and knowledge (other people’s thoughts, and ideas). There’s valuable material here, but it’s not as powerful as what’s inside of you to create the relationships you want, which is “what remains” that matters most.

You are a creator of your own reality, and the more you become aligned with the Divine Creator within you, the more you get to create!

I first began examining my own thoughts this way when I joined a life coaching group in 2004. I questioned “whose thoughts are these?”, and “what do I really want?” “Does this really work for me”? I needed to let go of WHY it has to be the way it was. It doesn’t. It’s amazing what we justify, accommodate, and unknowingly settle for. Not anymore. I just needed to examine my own thoughts!

I noticed how we allow people to make us wrong with their right way, and how we make others wrong with our right way. This creates resistant energy within us where we are not aligned, and clear about ‘what works’ based on what’s important to you.

It blocks the flow of your vibration that naturally brings to you WHO, AND WHAT YOU WANT that aligns with the real you. Otherwise known as The Law of Attraction.

4 Steps to become more aligned with the Real You:

1) Notice your own resistance of the 4 C’s of Criticism, and Judgment

Criticizing – Correcting (treating someone as if broken needing to be fixed) and Convincing (trying to change someone’s mind according to your right way).

Judging – Controlling (forcing others to follow your way through guilt, intimidation, bribing – your relative power or influence) a.k.a “my way or the highway”, and Condemning (name calling, making someone feel inferior, insults)

These 4 C’s create an energy resistance within you against your own alignment.

2) Ask yourself “Is this working for me according to what matters most to me (your values)?” What is really upsetting or angering me? Is this something you are willing to accept without holding resentment or having a need not met? Dig deep. Whether its being treated with disrespect or needing the house organized so you can feel at peace – communicate WHAT IS NOT WORKING authentically without sending critical or judgmental energy to someone. Stand up for what matters – if you don’t, who will?

You can say:

When you choose this way or that behaviour, it has this impact on me, and I feel _________ as opposed to “How can you _________, or “Stop…..<leaving stuff on the floor!> what’s wrong with you?” It’s not so much the words, but the energy you are sending through your words.

If you think “I don’t tell my spouse because he or see won’t understand” – you are not giving them the opportunity to see you fully, and whatever their authentic reaction can be difficult to face. We don’t want to be disappointed when we share what matters. It’s vulnerable here. But what’s on the other side of your truth – is their truth. It may not be what you like, but it will give you a new freedom of feeling aligned.
3) Be the change by connecting with your Sacred Self. What’s sacred is connecting to the part of yourself that is Divine: unconditional love, kindness, compassion, and understanding. The best friend in you – the mother, and father in you – that’s the “God fragment” in you. Your Sacred Self never makes you wrong. Listen to this voice, and you will feel aligned. You will also vibrate at a higher resonance that will attract more of what you want.

4) Practice Acceptance.

“Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.”~Oprah

This practice requires letting go or surrendering any anger, or resentment you are holding against someone – it’s forgiveness. For yourself, and others. It does not mean condoning anything that goes against your values – its about managing your resistant energy when that happens! There may be ways you get controlling or reactive – ask that these ways be taken from you (some of it may be coming from your upbringing/DNA that is very difficult to overcome on your own). Hand it all over to that higher Divine Consciousness.

Surrendering means “I put my faith in a Friendly Universe that wants my happiness, and will orchestrate things for my highest good.”
Being aligned is releasing all the resistant energies within you that block the Divine connection with the REAL YOU where your Creative Self will emerge, and allow you to create the relationships you truly desire. The strangest part is you won’t even realize you are creating them. Your experiences simply validate that you are now aligned.



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