Do you leave conversations with people feeling warm, and fuzzy where you look forward to re-connecting again?
Depends on the conversation, and who it is, right?
Sex without intimacy can be great, but sex with intimacy is phenomenal. Same goes for conversations. We don’t desire intimacy in every conversation, but missing out here can leave you feeling empty, and disconnected.
What creates that spark of intimacy where you laugh until your belly aches, your mind gets stretched to new horizons, or tears might flow between you, and anyone else?
I call these soul conversations, and they make you feel alive.
There’s a practice of conversation I noticed happening over the years where my soul could reach out to meet someone else’s. It felt like instant resonance, and our words could pour out easily sharing who we are, and what we’re about.
I began to notice more people saying “you’re the only one I’ve ever shared this with…”, and a deeply held truth would surface for air. I could feel a weight being lifted.
Some conversations would end with an unexpected surprise: a heartfelt hug or an “I love you”.
What had I done to create this level of intimacy?
As a life coach, I’ve learned how to create safe, confidential spaces, but soul conversations go beyond the presumed trust we have with professionals or close friends we can confide in.
It’s a higher faith we hold not just for someone’s happiness, but the growth they seek for themselves even if it means you feeling disappointed, hurt or angry.
Everyone needs to follow their own soul compass.
Judging someone will block soul conversations because ‘the judge’ does not have the capacity to hold your energy in their lower space of vibration. Your energy could also be blocking someone from opening up to a deeper conversation. We build walls around ourselves to protect from criticism, and judgment.
When someone is willing to bare their soul, and you feel safe to share yours – there are steps that happens to get here.
The 3 Steps to Intimate Conversations:
1) Know who you are not just what you do
We all believe we know ourselves. I did too, but we tend to define ourselves by “WHAT I have done”, not “WHO I am”. It sounds like this: here’s what I like, what I do for a career, what my role is etc. Some of these ‘whats’ may actually be ‘shoulds’ when you take a closer look.
Who you are comes from being authentic to your own inner voice.
Can you describe WHO you are?
As I child I was drawn to _______________.
As a student, I loved spending time _______________.
What I treasure most about being a parent, a partner, or a friend is _______________.
What led me to pursue the work I do: _______________.
What’s most important to me is: _______________.
My closest connections know me to BE: _______________.
Inside is a BEING driving your choices.
Be willing to explore yourself intimately.
2) Show up vulnerably as your true self
Being vulnerable means being willing to risk what feels safer NOT doing:
• Sharing your truth even if it disappoints or angers those you care about
• Breaking possible ‘rules, and expectations’ especially with surrounding family & friends
Do you trust, and cherish your own values, and personal choices so strongly that you are willing to stand up in the face of opposition?
How well do people know the REAL you?
The spirit of you? The lens you look through? The filter you listen with? How life experiences land with you.
For most of my life, I wasn’t familiar with my innermost thoughts, and feelings to be able to share them with others. My life was about getting things done, and making sure everything was working well: education, career, marriage, family, and friends.
It was all good, but my soul didn’t have space to breathe.
When things are not going OK, can you tap into the heart of those closest to you? Can you say what you need to say that has a safe, understanding, and intelligent spot to land?
I used to deal with disagreements by brushing them off. Shared with friends who’d laugh with their similar stories. I felt frustrated at times, but accepted the circumstances, and just moved on.
I didn’t stop to ask: WHY is this bothering me? What’s important about that? I didn’t know the most powerful communication tool: BE CURIOUS & ask questions. “I notice you are choosing __________. Please help me understand why you are reacting that way. What’s driving that choice?”
The extent to which you remain on the surface, avoiding, or clashing with no movement forward will determine how little you know of others.
Intimacy requires you be willing to open up first, and share vulnerably. It tells someone 2 things: that you trust yourself, and you’re willing to trust them. You will quickly filter who can earn your trust by what follows.
Intimacy is a 2-way street.
3) Tap into your soul
I’ll be honest – this one’s difficult to explain, and I consider it to be the most important part of true intimacy. It’s knowing you have an inner compass or light within that your soul can connect with.
Our heart feels clearly. Not the heart that reacts personally or attacks emotionally. That’s your ego. It’s the heart that’s grounded, yet passionate, and wise from our experiences. Your heart genuinely feels your true emotions of anger, sadness, and disappointment.
You have a personality that is housed in your soul.
We are all spiritual beings, and can connect to a divine source within us. When we tap into our soul, new ways of communication open up. I’m putting that mildly.
When you trust your ‘intuition’, what exactly are you trusting? How do you define that inner knowing? When signs, and synchronicities happen do you pass them off as coincidences? I invite you to slow down, and look again.
Our ability to be communicate with a divine source within us is available to everyone.
It’s a force that many don’t know how to connect with, but deep down part of you knows is there. The answers are really within. Envision an intricate energetic circuitry that lives within you grounded in truth, beauty, and goodness.
You were born with a soul, and will leave with one. How your soul evolves while you are here is up to you.
When you get more intimately connected to this divine part of you, and it communicates to the divine part of someone else – your mind, body, and soul connects intimately to a love beyond this world.
Your raw, original, and beautiful self can shine through in conversation with someone else – intimacy has space to flourish, and your soul has the freedom to grow.
Love IS who you are, and it’s here you discover how intimately you can BE with others.